Am I worrying unecessarily?

SingleMumOf2_3

Yes its me again.. and for that I apologise.

I am just wanting an outside opinion really. I have 2 boys.. one aged 2 1/5 and a baby 5 months.
Me and ex hubby split 1 year ago. And since splitting he has had access to my eldest for 3 days and 3 nights a week.. although for 1 of the nights and half of the day he see's nanna (from ex's side). I am happy with this arrangement as he loves seeing nanna and spending time with her.

Baby now goes to dads for 1 day and 1 night a week. This has been happening for the last 4 or 5 weeks.

My worry is.. he has recently started dating someone he has known years (or so he tells me). Has been seeing her maybe a month max.
He is house hunting with her in a different area (his gf before her he planned on moving in with then just after they almost found a house, they split up.. days later he got with the new gf).
Anyway.. my worry is.. I have never met his gf. And obviously if they move into a new house together.. then when he has the kids, then my kids will be under her care aswell. Or at least I am trusting her to be around my kids.

Now.. should I just allow things to continue as they are? I have never met her, dont know anything about her etc. Would love to ask him to wait until he has been seeing her a few months before introducing her to my kids.. but obv that wont work as they are looking to move in with each other in the next month.
He has introduced my eldest to 2 other woman since we split who he was seeing. And I worry my boys may be confused. I am also worried of the impact of daddy moving house, new area, and new woman on my boys. And even more worried if this relationship doesnt work and he ends up moving again.. and then months down the line introducing yet another woman?

What would you do in my situation?

Also the one day and night that nanna see's him is the same day and night every week. And I would love it so that I see my eldet on that day once month.. to do special things. But as this is the only day nanna can have him overnight.. the ex said I cant change it as its "her special time with him". Even though nanna from my side gets to see him no where near that.

I want my kids to be happy and to see their dad and dads side of the family. But I feel like I am constantly bowing to his every ask.

Any advice would be muchly appreciated.

ali-t

I don't think it is unreasonable to ask to meet the new GF, but it would depend on both of your personalities whether this would work out.

BitterAndTwisted

No, I don't think you are worrying unnecessarily. These new women in your ex's life are an unknown quantity. You don't even know whether they're sensible around small children never mind to be trusted with their care. The other thing that occurs to me is that young kids form their own emotional attachments and I can't describe how upsetting it must be to have people coming into your life and then disappearing again without a trace.

Now, what you might be able to do about any of these is another question altogether.....

SingleMumOf2_3

I will be speaking to my solicitor for advice. But am guessing there isnt much they can say to help. I have no issue with him moving or having a partner (I am seeing someone myself who I do not live with). But I want him to be certain its long term before introducing my kids and doing it gradually rather than straight into living with her.

He is a hard person to reason with, so discussing usually doesnt make any difference.

RadoJo

To be honest, there's probably not much you can do to stop him introducing them to her if that's what he wants, so it's probably best to go down the route of just asking to meet her yourself. You may just have to trust his judgement when it comes to this issue and ensure that you keep the lines of communication open for your children's sake.

Gazing_On_Sunsets

She herself - the new gf - might also want to meet you. I'm the other side of the situation you describe. My fella has his little boy alternate weekends. Soon I am moving in with him. I've been spending longer and longer with the pair of them, to get the son used to me (he's autistic so I don't want to blunder in with new routines). Anyway, my OH hasn't told his ex - and i really feel he should, but I have to leave him to do it in his own time. They don't have a great relationship - he tries but she walks away as she doesn't want his involvement and only does so because the courts got involved. I really want his ex to know about me moving in, as I put myself in her - and your! - position, and feel she ought to know.

So I'd go ahead and ask to meet her... she might feel relieved about it, too.