Taking early retirement to clear debts?

rose28454

Hi
My husband has worked for the same employer for 33 years and has just been off for 5 months with work related stress. He is due to return next week and has now been offered early retirement with a lump sump of £25000 and pension of £8000 per year. We are in a lot of debt (Mortgage and credit cards etc) and wondered if it would be a good idea for him to take the offer and use the lump sum to pay off a chunk of the mortgage and for him to get a part time job to make up income. He would need to get a job earning £8000 to replace his present wages. At the same time I am self employed and thinking of getting a full time job on PAYE as I think I need a change and to boost our income. I also have a pension from when I worked for Nat West which is worth £10000 cash and £140.00 per week pension if I take it now. I am 52.
Part of our mortgage is interest only with no repayment vehicle( we had an endownment but cashed it in early for financial reasons) so we would have to find money to repay that anyway in about 7-8 years. I am feeling very apprehensive that we may make the wrong decision but on the face of it it seems sensible to take the offer. My hubby knows we cannot afford for him to retire completely but also feels that the stress of his job may send him to another nervous breakdown ( HE HAD ONE IN JULY AND ATTEMPTED SUICIDE).
To add to our problems our daughter has been in counselling for some months and has now developed Anorexia Nervosa and has been told that it is due to her father being an alcoholic. She is 20 and lives at her boyfriends house , as she felt unable to live at home anymore, and is making herself ill with constantly thinking that all her problems relate to her Dad. I am trying to rebuild our lives and move forward. My husband is basically a good man and I feel I am being pushed to leave him in order to make my daughter and other family members happy. I feel that I am being punished for not leaving my husband when my children were small due to his alcohol problems and that I am a bad mother.
Please can somebody advice me what I should do

dunstonh

I think you need professional help because whilst there may be some advantages in what you are doing in the short term, there needs to be a number of risk warnings given to you regarding the consequences of your actions which could cost you a lot of money in the long term.

I'm not sure that using a forum for advice is the best case for you as we dont know enough to issue all the necessary warnings. You also tend to find that when warnings and concerns are given, someone comes along and tells you to ignore them.

The citizens advice bureau could be a good place to begin and do it soon because you have some issues that are going to really impact heavily in the coming years.

EdInvestor

So sorry to hear about this multitude of problems.I do agree you need professional help.

As well as the CAB, I would suggest the doctor as a first step towards getting help to look at a way forward on your husband's alcohol problem.

Tackling that on a long term basis would seem to be a key underlying issue as failure could undermine any financial planning and badly affect the long term future for all of you.

rose28454

Hi
We are going to go to the CAB this week. However concerning the alcohol he has not had a drink since 2.7.6 and has had counselling from Turning Point ( a wonderful association) and a physicatrist. He has given up before but not for a long as this and I think he has approached it in a better way and has taken the help offerred. At the time it happened we tried to get his employers to help but to no avail. We have discussed the offer and think he should not make a decision until the last moment (20.7.6) to make sure we have taken advice. I appreciate what you say about our financial position should he fall off the wagon but I think he already knows that I will not be staying around for another bout of drinking.
I actually gor some counselling of my own today and the counsellor said I must not allow myself to always tackle everybody problems and have no time for myself. We are beginning to think that maybe this offer is the start of a new era so we will take as much advice as possible.
Thanks for your concern. Any more comments or advice very welcome. I love MSE!!!

Sapphire

rose28454 wrote:

Hi
To add to our problems our daughter has been in counselling for some months and has now developed Anorexia Nervosa and has been told that it is due to her father being an alcoholic. She is 20 and lives at her boyfriends house , as she felt unable to live at home anymore, and is making herself ill with constantly thinking that all her problems relate to her Dad. I am trying to rebuild our lives and move forward. My husband is basically a good man and I feel I am being pushed to leave him in order to make my daughter and other family members happy. I feel that I am being punished for not leaving my husband when my children were small due to his alcohol problems and that I am a bad mother.
Please can somebody advice me what I should do

I am no financial expert, but would just like to say how sorry I am to hear about your problems. It is very tough being in a situation like yours, where you can't just up and opt out because you have a child - or at least this makes it difficult to do so. I hope your husband make it in his fight against alcoholism. Like the above posters say, it is best to get expert help for your situation, so that you can get the maximum out of the assets you do have.

Once you've sorted through the financial aspects of your situation, it might help you to go on a self-help course such as life coaching - anything to bring positivity to your life. I know this is something that has helped me, and it is encouraging to note that one is not the only person with problems, financial or otherwise!

All the very best.

EdInvestor

How old is your husband?

If i could just make a general point, IME it is unwise to try to change too many major aspects of your life simultaneously, it substantially increases the likelihood of something major going wrong with one, if not all of them.

Slowly but surely should be your watchword.

And as they say on the airplane these days,

"Parents with children should put on their own oxygen masks first".

rose28454

He is 55. I have been to CAB this morning because when we read the pension offer again the figures were calculated as at 31.5.6 when this matter was already mentioned to him and he was told to apply. When we rang the pension dept they said that they had prepared the offer but had decided they could not offer it to him at the time ( maybe because he was stil 54?). They said that if he took the offer, and left on 29.1.7 , they would re-assess the figures after 8 weeks and they may go up or down because he has been off sick for 4 months and has therefore lost some of his allowances he gets paid. This raises a couple of issues:-
1. Should he ask for a revised figure?
2. Why did they not offer it in May, even if they said he could not go till September when he was 55?
3. Maybe some of our problems could have been avoided if they had acted sooner and offered it before the suicide attempt.
We have contacted his Union for help on this also.
I appreciate what you are saying about changing too many things at once and I think maybe itis 1 step at a time. Thanks for everyone's help anf kind thoughts.

EdInvestor

Rose

Would it be a good or bad idea for hubby to go back to work in that particular job as far as beating the alcohol problem goes, do you think? Is the job a cause of the alcohol problem at all as far as you can see - or a way to solve it - or is it not related?

Would it be better if he left and tried to find another one?How hard/easy would that be at his age?

It seems to me that if he is making a real effort to beat the drinking then it should be made as easy as possible for hoim to succeeed, so how does the job fit in with that?

What does he want to do?It seems he's keen to leave?

It's a little unclear how the job/ stress/ drinking problem interact, so to speak, which is the chicken and which the egg? Also why now, after 33 (!) years? :eek:

What did the CAB advise?

tanith

Rose its an awful lot of things to deal with at once and I wish you well , its a pity that your hubbies company do not have a Counselling service for employees, lots of firms do this now rather than lose a valued employee with loads of experience they offer support and advice on problems like your hubbies....

rose28454

The alcohol problem has always been there to an extent but worsened over the last 6 years. He was transferred from another Royal Mail office 6 years ago at his employers wishes to fill a post in our local office which is walking distance from our home. Previously to that he had to drive about 30 miles a day. The Royal Mail policy regarding seniority had always been if you moved office you lost your seniority but they were just changing it so he took the chance. However when he moved he should have been able to pick his duty as he was 3rd out of 40 people but various people in the office organised a vote so that they would not re-assign the duties so after 25 odd years he would be doing any round that came up. After 25 years of being a village postman in the same village he found this hard and he began to suffer from high blood pressure. After a change of manager he was eventually put on a 11a.m. to 7.p.m. duty Monday to Friday which after years of getting up at 4.00 a,m, was a godsend and he was really happy. Unfortunatly late last year his manager changed and in April he was asked to change to a different duty with the possibiltiy of Redunancy/Retirement being offered. He took the chance but then his duty was changed 7 times in 8 weeks as it was obvious that again various people in the office were allowed to cherry pick what they did with my husband being left with what others did not want. This eventually led to his breakdown/suicide attempt. Throughout the last 6 months his Union had been involved and he had some help from the Royal Mail bullying advisors but it did not seem to stop what they were doing. It was only after the attampt that his Area Manager has got involved and matters are coming to a head today when he has a meeting about returning to work and has to talk to this manager for the first time.
Regarding your point about returning to work and the alcohol I think if he could go back to his pre-April post and there was a change of manager then maybe it could work but being a postman is becoming more stressfull as they are pushing towards privatisation . I know he would miss his job and customers because he is very well thought of but . I am in a difficult position because I am worried if he leaves and does not get another job will we be able to manage financially and will he slip back to drinking. However he is keen to leave and maybe I should let him and hope I dont have to pick up the pieces in 6 months!
I will let you know later what happens.
The CAB said it was a good offer and provided we got a revised offer he should seriously consider it. They also made an appointment for us to see a debt counsellor next week.
Thanks all again.

EdInvestor

rose28454 wrote:

I am in a difficult position because I am worried if he leaves and does not get another job will we be able to manage financially and will he slip back to drinking.

I agree this is the bottom line.

However he is keen to leave and maybe I should let him

Has he outlined a realistic plan to you on the work front yet?What jobs, where, when, salary, etc? If he hasn't and he wants to convince you this is the way to go, then it's time he started to develop that plan.

You both need to be realistic.