dad-to-be anxieties

Rik_3

We got our 2nd child due any day now. All fine really, expect this last week I have got a real case of anxiety over everything. A real case of "how are we gonna cope for the next 20 years" kind of feeling. I remember having a similar feeling when our 1st child was born. After a few weeks it had passed and everything has been fine.
But now it is back, a few weeks early! I keep dwelling on the fact that we are 38 and 39 yrs old and wondering if I will be the oldest dad at school. I pick up our 3 yr old from playschool and I scan the other parents judging their ages. I'm not the oldest there, but think I might be with the next one!
My better half is doing fine though and is looking forward to meeting our new child.
Deep down, I know everything will be fine - I just wish I could shake this unnecessary anxiety. Anyone else here had to deal with this kind of feeling?
Any "feelgood" advice for me?
Thanks,
Rik.

grant1wish

Hi Rik,

Firstly congratulations. I'm sure all will be fine, and deep down you seem to know that too.

I have recently found out I am going to be a dad again and I have to say I feel more anxious/worried about how we will cope with two of them. But then I jus think to myself most couples have gone through this, my parents had 4, my wife's parents 3 so it is nothing new. Everything will be OK. Sure there will be bad days and good days but the good will far outweigh the bad i'm sure.

Forget the age issue. In the past this may have perhaps been a bit of an issue, but not anymore. The age for having kids is rising all the time, people living longer/taking longer to get through education etc.. so forget it

Good luck with everything

G1W

crankup

I can identify with everything here. Its natural to worry about it all, it shows you care and are protective. Once the baby is home and you get into the flow it will be fine. You are certainly not old, its a common age for a 2nd and 3rd child these days. I can think of 2 couples that we know that have just had their 1st at your age too.
I'm sure other dads here know the same feelings

Plasticman

I certainly wouldn't worry about the age thing. People are having kids much later now so I'd be surprised if you were the oldest dad. A friend of mine is a couple of years older than you and has just had his second child. I think it's natural to worry a bit and I'm sure it makes it worse if you've had a child already cos you know what you're letting yourself in for!!! When the baby is here I'm sure you'll be fine. Just keep reminding yourself of the good bits about being a dad.

My wife is currently pregnant with baby number 2 and has been in and out of hospital as she has pre-eclampsia. I have been looking after our 4 year old so this time I haven't had time to worry. Maybe I should start now :eek:

s@sha

Rik wrote:

I keep dwelling on the fact that we are 38 and 39 yrs old and wondering if I will be the oldest dad at school. I pick up our 3 yr old from playschool and I scan the other parents judging their ages. I'm not the oldest there, but think I might be with the next one!
My better half is doing fine though and is looking forward to meeting our new child.
Rik.

Hi Rik,

I'm 3 months pregnant with our first child...an IVF baby as well, so 10 years later than I originally would have liked! I'm 37, and I too am going through the exact same worries as you.

Having been so long without children I worry quite often how we'll cope with such a big change to our lives. I worry about keeping well during the pregnancy & how I'll cope with the birth as well...all sorts! My husband is the exact opposite, he's fine, not worried at all & is looking forward to it all. But then it's all a long way off for us yet.

I suppose it came as a bit of a shock to find that I'm so full of anxieties...I thought I'd just be over the moon & then turn into some sort of calm & serene earth-mother. Yeah, right!

But everyone I know who's had children says it's absolutley & completely normal to worry about anything & everything, and that they worried just as much with the second & third pregnancies as the first, so as unpleasant asall this anxiety is,I think you are quite, quite normal!

Yoga_Girl

Yes, its completey normal to fret and worry about everything prior to the birth - its nature's way of making sure you have some sleepless nights to get you in training for those night feeds!

Age is not an issue to your child, they won't be comparing how old you are to that of the other dad's, they'll just be bothered about whether you're going to take them out on their bike/go to the park/etc etc. Age is a state of mind anyway, I know 20 year olds who've forgotten how to have fun and I know 40 year olds who are as daft and fun-loving as a 4 year old. I know who I'd prefer to spend time with!

Every time you find yourself worrying about all the "what ifs", try to think about the "nice what ifs" - for example, what if the new baby has the most gorgeous smile, what if the 1st child absolutely adores the 2nd one, etc etc. Spend time visualising your new family unit, how good it will feel when the 4 of you go out for the day, and how proud you'll feel.

Every other parent you see in the street will have had exactly the same anxieties as you, once you meet your new baby those anxieties won't seem so important.

Good luck and congratulations to all parents to be!

Rik_3

I felt the knot untying itself from my stomach whilst reading your sensible comments!
Its a good community here - I'm glad I came out of my "lurking" mode and posted.
Thanks v much to you all,
Rik