Becoming a carer.

Beautifulmess

I need to know how it would be possible for me to become a carer for my mentally ill mother. She is 55 and tried to commit suicide saturday night due to no-one listening to her from her 'support' team with the social services, rethink and the mental health sector.

My flat is too small for me to have her move in with me. It's two bedroomed but I've had her at christmas and it was stressfull in such a small space. I want a small 2 bedroomed house where we can both have our own space but are there for each other, where I can cook home made meals, help her lose weight so she takes pressue off her knee and have ACCESS to the medical side (She will sign a letter for this).

I need to know how to get there. So far I've applied to Lichfield housing and explained my situation. I'm afraid everythings going to turn their back because I'm in a 2 bedroomed flat. It might say can house 4 but trust me, if 4 unhealthy people lived here they'd end up slaughtering each other. It's too confined espcially since I won't be leaving the house and neither will she unless she has meetings. Or I have to do the shopping. I know that once she's with me I can claim carers allowence and I doubt it'l affect her benefits and we can get help with mobility if she gave up that part of the benefit. I see all the pluses for both of us if we moved back in together but the negatives are this flat, where she's situated now (2 hours away from me) and all these walls that are there to stop me helping my own mother.

Any advice? I'm fragile right now so please, I can't deal with backlash from anyone. If you have nothing nice to say/constructive PLEASE don't post. I'm simply trying to make life easier for my mother

dmg24

Could you not move in with her?

Social housing is in very high demand. They are not going to give you priority when there will be other people who actually have nowhere to live, or substandard accommodation, already waiting. I doubt you would even be given more priority if you applied on medical grounds, as the fact is you do have sufficient space, albeit not enough to be ideal.

Have you looked at private rentals?

MrsManda

Can you move into where she lives?
That way she can still have access to the medical services she has at the moment and have you around?
What benefits does your mum claim? Does she get middle/high rate care DLA?
Are you claiming any benefits? Do you work?

I'd be slightly concerned about you moving in together if neither of you intend to leave the house except for shopping as that's not particularly good for the mental health of either of you.

Have you discussed the situation with your mother's social/medical team?

Beautifulmess

I am recovering and sorry I guess I said that wrong >.< I mean as in I won't be out for hours at a time. i do not work due to being unwell. I get ESA whilst I get some counselling for my agarophobia issues (anxiety) I am recoving fine, I am one of those people who fights no matter what. I'd never let an illness defeat me and I desperataly want to work. I work Sundays and volunteer to walk dogs for my neighbours just so I can keep myself from becoming housebound.

Anyways, my mom lives in a place in which I disbise, I hate everyone who lives there and I have extreme bad memories. The support she gets now is terrible, it has to be since she's tried to kill herself. If the support was working she'd have someone to turn to.

I understand the councils rules, I know they'd dismiss me due to my current accomidation and yes I am going to contact letting agencies tomorrow on their policies to do with housing benefit.

My mother made the attempt to end her life Saturday early morning, nothing is open on a weekend, even emergency officers are terrible. I rang them up and they told me to wait till 9am Monday morning so I'm stuck. I am determined she moves into her own sheltered accomidation near our family or we get a house and I become her full time carer. Which will make both our lives easier and she'll lose weight since I follow weight watchers and she is current overwieght which will harm her current health issues.

I think right now shes on middle DLA, and will be claiming for middle to high mobility plus she gets a pension once a month of around £140 from the RAF. Her money is controlled by the adult social services because she got into debt whilst she spent 10 years of her life over dosed and zombifired. The last year they took her completely off her medicine, she freaked out and eventually calmed down but they haven't even bothered reassessing her which is problemly why this has happened now.

In a nutshell.
1. She lives in sheltered accomidation (it's basically a flat where she is visited twice a week by social and rethink) they do not help her get food in or cook, they clean only and collect her money from social. It would be impossible to live with her in that current accomidation and even visiting that town makes me mentally and physically ill.
2. I live 1 hour car drive, 2 hours bus away nearer my sisters family as I need this support. My sister and I would also be happy for her to move into sheltered accomidation up here INSTEAD of moving in with me in a house. Simple as, but I prefer the first idea only because it helps both of us and I can help her lose weight which will help her mobility (she isn't horribly fat, she's 5 foot, 16 stone and has extremely bad knees). She lives on microwave meals atm and I do her shopping for her and drive down every friday to give it to her. I there for try my hardest to buy her the healthest stuff I can, half fat cheese, lighter choices ready meals, she can't stand longer than a few minutes before her knees give in, not good for cooking. *sighs* She must be terribly lonely when everyone goes away. I see her every Friday and every other Saturday I spend the whole day and evening and sometimes night with her (on airbed). This is all I've been able to do so far with help from my boyfriend who drives.

I would like her to move closer to her family if thats all we can possibly do otherwise I'd like to be able to move in with her and yes I do believe private letting is our only opition. Caring for my mother would give me a purpose in life, it would keep me busy, I have gone through the pros and cons, it's heavily conned if she moved into my current accomidation but if we had a house its got so many pros for both of us.

My to do list tomorrow is to ring local letting agencies to find out their benefit housing policy. Ring up the hospital again and her mental health centre and to visit her where ever she's going (back home or into properly care for a while) and have a confidenuality form signed to let me and my sister into the medical side of her life. I am then going to propose to the social my current ideas and see if they'll give me any sort of help. I'm also going to make an appointment with CAB.

sunnyone

There is no middle rate mobility componant and she wont be considered for high rate mobility componant unless she is vertually unable to walk or unable to walk.

nannytone_2

if she cant stand long enough to prepare a meal....have you thought about how she would manage stairs if you moved to a house?

Savvy_Sue

I'd look into sheltered housing near you, just for her. That way you keep your space, but can advocate for her needs.