when one earns far more

Kimberley82

My husband earns about 45k a year, I earn about 7k, we have 2 children. I was a sahm till 6 months ago, I am employed a few days a week the rest I am self employed, I do most of the child care due to my husband working nights and long hours.

He gives me £500 a week for bills etc and food and anything else i need. I pay for my car and thats it.

When I didnt work I didnt mind but now I am I feel really bad that I dont earn more to help with the family.

Is anyone else in this situation? I feel so unbalanced

Plans_all_plans

Please don't feel bad. Your children are benefitting from you doing the childcare and having you around. Financially, you probably could earn more, but would you have the same flexibility to be there for your family?

I don't think you should feel guilty at all. What does your husband think?

Starrystarrynight

You and your hubby are a team. You just make different, but equally important, contributions to the family. I don't think you have any reason to feel bad.

bunty109

Well, my husband has always earned a heck of a lot more than me. I'm currently working full-time but for a long time was a SAHM. Thing is, if I wasn't a SAHM then we'd have had real issues with childcare (he works away from time-to-time). We made the decision together and one of the main reasons I went back to work was because I was a bit bored when all the children were at school FT. I don't feel bad about earning less: sorting the children and being there for them is worth a great deal both in monetary and emotional terms for the children and I am sure your OH appreciates that.

barbiedoll

Being a mother is the most important job you will ever do, so don't feel that just because you're not paid to do it, you aren't contributing to the family wealth. Imagine how much money you would have to pay out if you worked full-time and earned much more. You would be looking at childcare expenses of, what, £300 per week, if not more. And don't forget the money you would need to pay for a cleaner, for someone to do your ironing, your travel expenses, clothes/lunches for work and so on. Your role as a mum is worth a lot more than any wage that you could earn and I doubt that your husband sees you as a scrounger, you are responsible for the care and well-being of his children!

Your husband earns a decent enough wage so I'm sure that you are not struggling for money and you are doing your bit by working part-time anyway. Don't think that you are a drain on the family resourses, you are the most valuable member of the household..just try going away for a week and see how they cope without you!

Kimberley82

he tells me not to be silly

Plans_all_plans

Of course he does! He knows how important your role is.

SkintGypsy

Your contribution includes childcare, presumably the lions share of the housework, plus making sure everybody has clean pants. You are a team, so unless you sit on your lazy bottom watching tv and eating biscuits all day (I would if I could) then your non financial contribution is just as important as his. Give yourself a break.

hngrymummy

He earns money for the family, not for himself, so it's not like he's having to give you money. He provides the financial stability that allows you to be a family. You provide the physical and emotional stability (housework, cooking, cleaning, ironing, childcare, hugs for poorly children). You are a team, and you each have different roles, neither of which is more important than the other. Maybe start to think of yourself as 'employed by the family and paid by your husband' rather than a SAHM

pupsicola

I can really relate to how you feel. Before I had children my ex and I earnt a similar wage. We had joint accounts for mortgage and bills etc and then seperate accounts for our own expenses and to do what we liked with. So when I had our first baby and once my maternity pay and savings were used up I hated him covering everything. I wasn't used to being financially dependant on someone.

Talk it through with your husband and let him know how you feel.
Dont underestimate just how hard you do work. It is the toughest job in the world being a mum and running a house as well as working part time.

esio_trot

I'm on ML just now but when I go back to work, I'll be on approximately a third of what my OH earns - we both earn money and work for our family, not for ourselves and it doesn't really matter to us who earns more or in which way we're compensated for that work.

If you need to feel better and as though things are more even, this article may help. It's basically a study that valued the work of a SAHM at about 73k per year and a working mum at 42k. On those figures, you earn more