have you ever had a moan to someone

Deals_2

about something and then they think you are such a negative person? when all you need is to talk for stress relief? one person once said to me it was because they had so much of their things going on that it was too much to handle for them...? any thoughts?

SkintGypsy

I have a friend that uses me for this purpose, in fact they admitted once that they needed to work it out of their system so they can be normal again when talking to other people. It's wearing and depressing and frankly I don't see why I get all the crying and doom and gloom stuff and everyone else the happy, fun and lively version. Fair enough, sometimes we need to talk it out, but not all the time, and not to the same poor soul who probably has their own problems that they don't feel the need to burden the world with.

Deals_2

have too much on your plate yourself? do you never see her when she is happy too? i imagine sometimes a problem shared is a probably halved. but then does that person ever ask you about you??? and would you open up too?!! just curious so can work it out. thanks

SkintGypsy wrote: »

I have a friend that uses me for this purpose, in fact they admitted once that they needed to work it out of their system so they can be normal again when talking to other people. It's wearing and depressing and frankly I don't see why I get all the crying and doom and gloom stuff and everyone else the happy, fun and lively version. Fair enough, sometimes we need to talk it out, but not all the time, and not to the same poor soul who probably has their own problems that they don't feel the need to burden the world with.

pupsicola

Deals wrote: »

about something and then they think you are such a negative person? when all you need is to talk for stress relief? one person once said to me it was because they had so much of their things going on that it was too much to handle for them...? any thoughts?

Get yourself some better friends. Blimey my friends turn to me often when they need a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk things through with. Thats what friendship is about. Going through lifes ups and downs and empathising.

If I need to chat like this though I normally phone a friend and ask if its a good time for them too. Then I arrange for them to come over and make them lunch or do a coffee and cake. Gets them in the right mood to listen and help.

Deals_2

i suppose a lot of people dont knwo how to handle situatiosn sometimes. and they have too much of their own issues going on to be able to help?

pupsicola wrote: »

Get yourself some better friends. Blimey my friends turn to me often when they need a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk things through with. Thats what friendship is about. Going through lifes ups and downs and empathising.

If I need to chat like this though I normally phone a friend and ask if its a good time for them too. Then I arrange for them to come over and make them lunch or do a coffee and cake. Gets them in the right mood to listen and help.

SkintGypsy

I always have time for my friends, and will do my best to help them through whatever trauma they are going through, but it actually got to the point that if the phone was engaged for an hour at around five, my husband would ask whether it was this particular friend. They had a meltdown at least two or three times a week and required an hour of my time, while I'm juggling a new baby, breastfeeding, daughter just starting school and all the usual household chores. I don't have problems but I have a life!

Deals_2

chat...? yes when we are busy it is so difficutl to be available for this! totally understand! i believe everyone has problems as some stage of life. i suppose people have different needs at different stage of their life! i suppose what you are trying to say with i have a life...is you are busy?

SkintGypsy wrote: »

I always have time for my friends, and will do my best to help them through whatever trauma they are going through, but it actually got to the point that if the phone was engaged for an hour at around five, my husband would ask whether it was this particular friend. They had a meltdown at least two or three times a week and required an hour of my time, while I'm juggling a new baby, breastfeeding, daughter just starting school and all the usual household chores. I don't have problems but I have a life!

Sublime_2

The only person I will talk to to let off steam is my mum. I don't like telling others my business in RL. Friends I'd much rather have a laugh with, primarily because i don't see them that often now.

pupsicola

Very occasionally when my friends and I have linked up for a "letting offf steam" chat one or other of us has said that we may not be the best person to talk to about it.

Like if the subject is too close to home, ie miscarriage or divorce and we still feel too emotional about it ourselves to help much. But thats okay because we have been honest and we can still give each other a hug and suggest who else in our group may be more able to advise and give an objective helpfull response.

I would never just tell someone they were being too negative and knock them down if they asked for help though.

pupsicola

Sublime wrote: »

The only person I will talk to to let off steam is my mum. I don't like telling others my business in RL. Friends I'd much rather have a laugh with, primarily because i don't see them that often now.

You are lucky to have a mum you can turn to. I asked my mum for advice when my marriage split up and she just said, pick yourself up, get on with it and learn to cope. Months later when I had done just that thanks to my wonderful supportive friends and some time, I bumped into her. Her only comment was that she liked me far better when I was happy and confidant and that people dont like hanging round depressives. Evil "£$^&*? witch. Thank god you can choose your friends.

Deals_2

but when you cannot then you need your friends? or counsellor or any other suggestion?

Sublime wrote: »

The only person I will talk to to let off steam is my mum. I don't like telling others my business in RL. Friends I'd much rather have a laugh with, primarily because i don't see them that often now.