Help.

FavDaughter1

has anyone here ever gone into counselling for there debt problems?

no offence intended before anyone shouts!

just curious as i wonder if a IVA or even BR sometimes NOT always has a deeper issue behind it rather than a change in circumstances,etc. if we don't want a repeat of the situation we must look at where we are from all angles and be very honest with ourselves and our partners.

i really don't want to go through this terrifying time ever again. it must be shaving years off my physical& mental health! the impact on my marriage is huge.

Charco_2

Its a good point.

I would imagine that the fear factor when you actually come to your LBM and take action can do a lot to control behaviour though and be a cause for much relfection. Five years spent in an IVA (or a life time in a DMP) can also be very habit forming and a good tool for enforced learning of bugdeting habits...

However the new wealth of surplus income when the IVA or other debt solution ends could of course encourage profligacy - and IF profligacy was the original cause of debt then this could bring about new problems if the lessons have not been learnt.

But in the majority of cases poor financial money management leading to a downward spiral is the main cause of debt problems. When debt gets beyond you, the banks make it very hard to turn things around!

FavDaughter1

Thanks Charco, i am just so very keen i/we don't go through this again. i am so frightened of the situation we are in, i'm un steady due to my disability and i'm terrified that debt collectors or bailiffs might come before we get this sorted-i'd be so easy to push over. i am living on my nerves.

i can't be to only person reading the board who is concerned about this. for us my husbands wages were cut with the credit crunch. he used cards to try to manage this, in the end he was having to pay for food and fuel on c cards,it ran out of his control.

yes you're right banks do make it hard to turn around,we do need to take responsibility but i know from personal experience they give out loans and cards too easily with lending figures that are far too high.

you give a lot of time to people like me here on the board,you make a difference:A,thank you,big hug.

FoggyBrain_2

I have heard the analogy that banks give you umbrellas when the sun is shining, but snatch them back when it starts to rain!

As Charco, so rightly points out, the process of re-training you go through during an IVA is a reinforcement of good financial habits --- cognitive therapy, if you like. I guess that's one of the "plus points" of an IVA over BR -- you are re-trained. I imagine it would be far easier to go down the same track post BR (although the initial shock of BR is probably greater, it is over faster, and having done something once, it is not as difficult the second time around!).

FavDaughter1

hi, yes i understand. we are following a budget now- i'm sorting it with some help from my hubby. i can't remember the last time i had a weekly amount for food.... it's so long since. my hubby used to get so grumpy food shopping,i could never work out what was the matter with him - after all we've got to eat!!! i didn't know he had credit cards rolling out of control...that old killer hind sight!

i can't afford to go back to old habits with him doing the finances (i mean because of money but also how dreadful this situation is,the calls,letters,being so frightened etc i cannot go through this hell again) especially when the IVA is all done and dusted but we can't control what someone might choose to do ie taking credit cards on again when all this is cleared years down the line.

we have never had a budget like we have now where everything is counted in. when we did out first i&e at the CAB he had missed food off and insurance,scary!

i am much ,much happier going without treats we can't afford than having cards.

FoggyBrain_2

I take our housekeeping allowance out of the bank at the beggining of every month and put it in a "pot", from which we spend on our grocery shop etc. We have a weekly target, so don't blow it in the first week, and, so far, are doing OK.

Must say it felt really strange handing over cash in the supermarket, at first!!! I sometimes feel a little smug too, now, knowing it's all paid for and not on borrowed money !!! I am on a par with ex-smokers ... there is nothing worse than an ex-smoker. Same applies to ex debtors !!!!

FavDaughter1

Hi foggy, you are a star,i enjoy reading your posts. yes we have a "pot" too, i divide it up into 4 money bags and mark them with the date they're for.

i think you are right on with the ex smoker comparison! i've felt a bit hot and bothered at the till in case we've spent too much/not got enough cash but so far so good. it's not that i used a card it's that you can't.

there is no better feeling than knowing it's all paid for. i'm sure my husband must have felt that knowing xmas was paid for in cash....i've started a supermarket saving card off now for this Christmas lol! we can enjoy it if we plan for it.
take care