Child maintenance advice needed pls

xx_michelle_xx

Hi there, i am hoping someone can help me.

Here is a brief bit of background info. My ex and i separated a year ago after a 7 year relationship. We have 3 daughters aged 6,5 and 2.

I instigated the split, i couldn't deal with his lack of support, lack of time and effort he put into our family and his inability to stay in a job (which resulted in a total debt of £13,000 being racked up in my name).

The children live with me. He picks the older two up for an hour after work on a tuesday and wednesday night and has all three girls saturday afternoon one week and all day sunday the following week. (Alternate rota)

Although it seems like an unusual arrangement, it works well for the girls.

Here are my problems:

He has not paid a penny maintenance for the children. He was out of work until june last year but has since been in continuous employment with the same company taking home just under £1000 pm since then. Is CSA a recommended option? Do they take a fee? (i.e take £100 from him but only give me £50)

He is late picking up the children at least once a week and keeps claiming to have no petrol in his car to collect or drop them off (yet can drive his car to work! A 5 min walk from his flat). Am i legally allowed to tell him that if he doesn't have petrol he won't be able to have them? (It's alot of running around for me to get the girls fed, dressed, bathed, school books read, homework done etc before 5.30 anyway without having to take or pick them up)

He refuses to pay any money towards the debts at all, even though the credit cards were used for food, catalogues for clothes and xmas presents and loans to consolidate all of the following each time he was out of work when i was a stay at home mum. (Please don't criticise the previous statement, hindsight is a wonderful thing and i have a dmp set up to repay the debts) Is he at all responsible for these if the debts were used solely for the purposes of family whilst we were together?

So, i always have been soft on him and i still am. I let him walk all over me which is causing problems in my new relationship.

Can i take him to a family court or anything similar to get all of the previous sorted.

I am at my wits end. He hasn't changed one iota and any serious conversation still goes in one ear and out the other! Just to confirm, i am not a strong person when it comes to him and i always end up backing down just to avoid arguments and general hassle.

Thanks for reading, sorry it wasn't as brief as i originally promised. I would really appreciate any advice.

Michelle

kimmi_b

a) If you are unable to come to an amicable arrangement re: child maintenance that you are both happy with then yes, contact the CSA. I do not believe they charge a fee for their services. See www.csa.gov.uk for further information.

b) You cannot stop your partner from having contact with the children if a court appointed visitation order is in place, but I believe the onus is on your partner to collect the children.

c) If the debts are in your name then pretty sure you are liable for them.

I'm sure someone else will be along to give advice but in the meantime check CAB website for further information on the debt situation. Also try Debt Free Wannabees board - they can help if you are struggling with repayments.

Chin up and hope it works out for you in the best way possible.

Loopy_Girl

CSA don't charge a fee.

As you have 3 children you would be entitled to 25% of his take home pay less any overnight stays (if any).

Never ever ever ever EVER stop your children seeing their Dad. It's not their fault that he phones and says he has no petrol or whatever.

I am unclear as to why you would think you have the 'right' to stop contact since children are not possessions or objects and the only 'right' available is the right for thr children to see their Dad. Maybe their is alot of 'running around' but no one said being a lone parent was easy and if it means your kids are happy as they are seeing both Mum and Dad regular then you are just going to have to grit your teeth.

If you stop contact to 'punish' your ex then it will backfire and the only people to suffer will be the children.

Sorry, am not clued up on joint debts so can't answer that.