Nursing home/ hospital stuff

downshifter

I've been lying awake half the night worrying about this, I don't think I'm asking for any answers, just wanted to write it somewhere sympathetic to get it out of my head.

My mother who is 85 is a volunteer visitor through her church and has for a couple of years been visiting a lady (call her Edna) who is now in her 90s and has no family. Edna was a professional career woman all her life and is very proud, she also has an independent income from somewhere. But v lonely. She lives in an A.........d home, has a nice room and loves it. At Christmas she developed pneumonia and was admitted to hospital, my mother visited her nearly every day over that period and one day last week she went into hospital to find Edna's bed empty. Fearing the worst she went to enquire, to be told she was fine and sitting in the day room. She found Edna sitting there, fully dressed with her bag. Apparently she was well enough to leave, but the hospital had rung A........d who had said they couldn't have her back as she now needed nursing care. Poor Edna was devastated. They said she couldn't stay at the hospital another night as they needed the bed. My mother spoke to A.........d, who were adamant, so my mother thought about the 2 private nursing homes she knows of in the area, and rang the first of those. She had visited someone else there a while ago and knew it was well thought of. Anyway they had a vacant room and said they could take Edna. My mum told Edna and the hospital and said she would take Edna to look at it and see what she thought. She said she would also ring the other one so Edna had a choice. Edna was also worried about whether she could afford it so asked my mum to contact her solicitor to check out her funds. My mum went off home to make these calls - the solicitor didn't know anything about Ednas finances so my mum went to the local bank where Edna used to go, and was able to ascertain that she did have enough money for the fees. (It's a small town, everyone uses the same bank, solicitors etc) My mum went back to the hospital to tell Edna, only to find her being loaded into an ambulance to go to the nursing home, without being given any choices. My mum followed in her car but was dismayed to see poor Edna wasn't greeted with any warmth, her room was shabby, not recently decorated and with cheap furniture. The lift wasn't working so she had to be taken up and down the stairs. My mum said the lounge had a tv on constantly, everyone sitting round the sides staring into space or dozing, a real stereotypical care home. Awful. Anyway, my mum settled Edna in as best she could and left. She visited her next day and found Edna in tears, worrying about her things back in her A........d room, whether she would be paying for two rooms etc etc.. My mum called a senior staff member who explained that her things would be quite safe and that everything else would be sorted - but why hadn't this been explained to her? Edna also said that although the staff smiled at her a lot and seemed kind, she couldn't understand a word they said as they had strong accents. My mum wasn't sure which country they came from, but all were not English, even the senior member. Edna found their accents really difficult to understand, and she's not deaf or stupid!

Poor Edna. My mum is also wracked with guilt and feels she's done this to Edna - but there was no one else to do anything for her anyway. I don't know what the hospital would have done if my mum hadn't been there to do all this running around. I'm sure there used to be an almoner, later called a hospital social worker to look at all of this in hospitals in the 'old days'? Apparently there's someone called a rehabilitation facilitator but he or she was off until today so too late now.

My main concern is for my mother, if Edna dies in this home, (before she's got used to it and institutionalised, which she surely will) my mum will blame herself for ever and it could make her ill herself. Fortunately she is strong and well at the moment but I do know she worries about things, and she has also had sleepless nights over this. I don't want to suggest too much as she has done so much running around already, but she may go and look at the other nursing home on her own, and talk to this facilitator. She could put in complaints too, about several aspects of it but although it might help others, it won't do my mother any good so I'm not going to suggest that. It may also be possible for Edna to move to another room a bit later, but that won't remove the awful time she's already had. My mum says that the council run homes are massively nicer than the private ones, but Edna won't even consider those. This private home costs over £700 a week, my mum thought she would at least have had a nice hotel style room for that. How can that amount of money ever be justified.

Anyway, confused rant over. I must go and get dressed and get myself to work now. No need to answer kind people, just needed to get this all out of my head as I have a busy day ahead! I wish I lived nearer but can't do much from this distance other than be someone for my mum to offload to -and now I've offloaded to you lot - sorry!! God this must be the longest post ever!

Thanks

DS

ukmaggie45

Downshifter, sorry to hear this tale of woe. The way the old are treated in this country is really awful. I saw it with my parents, lack of dignity, awful hospital staff who seemed keener on having a good giggle round their computer monitors than actually doing any nursing. I know you said no need to answer, but didn't want to just read and run. My very best wishes to you and your Mum, and hopes that something better can be sorted out for your Mum's friend.

Louby-Lou_2

I would suggest that you check out the other home and put her name on the list for when theres a vacancy if its more suitable.

Oldernotwiser

Could your mother have a word with her vicar/priest and see whether s/he can involve someone more suitable to deal with this? It sounds as if, with the best will in the world, she's got in over her head and is having to take on far more than a volunteer should do.

Trebor16

What a disgraceful story!!! This lady should not have been treated in such a way. Have the home where she lived carried out a proper assessment to determine if her needs were beyond what they could provide? And did the NHS carry out their discharge processes properly before she was despatched off to an unfamiliar home?

Newly_retired

The hospital had no right to discharge Edna without her needs being properly assessed - and proper arrangements made. That is not your mother's job, though she sounds like a lovely lady, but I can see she is out of her depth now. I hope you are able to give her the support she needs.
I fail to see why A

---

d couldn't take Edna back without seeing a proper assessment of her needs. What a disgraceful situation.
I was so fortunate that my mother was happy with the home she chose to go into. Sadly she died in hospital but the home could not have been more helpful to me.
The elderly get such a raw deal in this country.

gfrdl

Downshifter
The hospital transfer is sadly lacking. Assessment of needs is usually done by the care home visiting and doing it together with hospital staff. It sounds as this if did not take place.

Your mum is a paying customer and can change home at any time (I accept this is unsettling and it would have ben better to get it right first time). If her care is partly via NHS Continnuing Care funding then she still has right of a reveiw to clarify whether the home is suiting her needs.

mercedes125

I know how your mum must be feeling, we looked arround 3 homes for my grandma she left it to us as shes not mobile with having a stroke any way we chose a home that we thought would be nice for her but shes only been there 3 days and we are having a meeting with grandmas social worker and the home to get her moved because shes not happy at all and we are not either.

On arrival at the home they just sat her in the lounge we went at night to see her they had not shown her arround not even her room that she would be staying in are emtied her bags from the hospital.

When we went to her room to take her belongings there was the previous occupants belongings in the wardrobe.

They sit her in the lounge from morning untill night even fetch meals to the chair rather that take her to the dining room.

A lady had been asking for the toilet for 40mins before they came to take her.

We have not been asked anything about my grandma they have not asked for emergency contact numbers etc.

Im sure that this wouldn,t be the same in all nusing homes, but our first impressions of this home is not good we feel as though we have let my grandma down she says she doesn,t like it and is getting upset.

Errata

Mercedes - that sounds pretty intolerable. If you feel the home is not up to standard, and from your post it doesn't seem that it is, you can make a complaint to the appropriate body http://www.cqc.org.uk/
I hope you can find a home that your grandma will feel more comfortable in.

Desperate_Housewife_2-2

sorry to hear about this poor lady.

You could write to the chief executive and contact PALS at the hospital to register a complaint about the discharge. Also look around for another nursing home if this one is unsuitable. Its very difficult and sad, I hope you get something sorted.

mercedes125

Errata wrote: »

Mercedes - that sounds pretty intolerable. If you feel the home is not up to standard, and from your post it doesn't seem that it is, you can make a complaint to the appropriate body http://www.cqc.org.uk/
I hope you can find a home that your grandma will feel more comfortable in.

Thanks, i know we shouldnt be feeling like we do and i know shes has only been there a few days but the first few days impressions are not good. We are not the type to complain about things but my poor grandma needs better care, we are thinking of moving her to a smaller nursing home not many residents so hopefully they will have more time for her and the staff seem lovely.