Helping out family members

BabyJayne

Hi, I am not too sure if this is the right board to post on so please feel free to move!
I have recently found out that some of my family members are experiencing financial diffuclties at the moment and in the coming year I think it will get worse.

They do use a lot of OS methods at the moment such as growing own veggies, batch cooking, shopping in the sales for anything that might be needed for future use, picking up offers / yellow stickers in the supermarkets to help save on the outgoings each month and to make life a bit easier.

I want to help them out without it really looking like I am giving them help IYKWIM as I am unsure as to how this 'help' will be received. i.e I don't want to give them money and say 'pay your bills with this'... I would like to provide them with gifts / help that will come in handy for OS'ing but not to make it obvious tha they are receiving 'handouts'.... but will help them in a positive way.

My initial thought was putting together a food hamper with a few essentials in but also a few luxuries, but so far this is all I have come up with :wall:and is not very OS!

I would be grateful for any help / suggestions on how to go about 'helping' in a covert way!

Thanks in advance!

jackieglasgow

That's a very kind offer, two years ago we were really struggling and if a family member had done that for me I would have been delighted. What about a gift voucher for the garden centre or supermarket, and tell them they can invite you over for a lunch of homemade veg soup and bread once its all grown?

[Deleted User]

If you want to help why not just give them some groceries and say you got them via a BOGOFF offer and haven't the need /room for them.
My youngest DD is going through a tough time at the moment as she was laid off Christmas week, but as I have Sunday dinner there every week I will help out by going through my cupboards and sorting out some tins and bits that I have to spare, and also probably buy the joint, or give her surplus from my freezer to get her through the next few weeks when the month of January seem to go on forever.
I've been broke lots of times when young and I remember once back in the January of 1974 when we had just bought our first house we were extremely broke and January seemed to have 8 weeks in it.There were power cuts to cope with and we had no central heating or double glazing on our 'moneypit' but it was the first foot on the housing ladder and at the end of the month I think I had about £4.00 left over after everthing was covered.My pal who lived down the road said 'don't worry I'll look after the kids and I got a part-time job which helped out no end at the time .It meant that at least I could fill up the food cupboards for awhile.
She is my oldest friend and we have been through all sorts of ups and downs over the past 40 years and I still see her every few weeks .We sometimes look back on how hard up we were in those day but we did get through it eventually .She used to sew clothes for neighbours children to make extra cash, and if the power went off (I was all-electric) she would cook my dinner in her gas oven , now thats friendship..She still lives in the same house in Dartford as she did then. there's lots of ways to help out without making anyone feel uncomfortable, veggie seeds for the garden, or even the odd bag of spuds that could be surplus from what you need.This time of the year theres always left over bits that perhaps you could ask if they could use.

rosie383

I agree with JackieO. It can be quite embarrassing to accept help at times, but the 'extra' BOGOF stuff is a great way to do it. I have been on both the giving and receiving end of this, and it never causes any awkwardness. I have never been questioned as to whether the stuff was actually BOGOF, and never thought to ask either if I was on the receiving end.

dandy-candy

I think if you were to say "I've gone on a creative bender in the kitchen and made far too much soup/bread/cakes/jam/pickles - would you take some?" then that make's it easier for them to accept gift's without feeling like a charity case because you've put it in such a way as to make it seem like they're doing you a favour.
Yay for you for being so kind and caring tho!

dreamyd

DH and I are fortunate that we are doing better than some others in our family and friends. Some of this is down to luck,some to bl---y hard work and also to some very quiet living on our parts. While we don't go round flashing our cash, we try to help out discreetly.
For instance, DH (and his sister) pay for his parents' Sky subscription, and my parents get supermarket vouchers, etc. We house swap with them in the summer so that they can get a change of scene and we can leave the garden tiger in good hands.
I am always on the lookout for new(ish ) good branded clothes and toys for my fairy godchildren in charity shops (especially when I am in a more affluent area. There's also a particular friend who has been through the sh-t in the last twelve months, and we spoil her rotten when she can come over for the weekend.We'll go out for a meal, perhaps see a film/play (usually using vouchers if we can get them) In return, I can sofa surf at hers if I am going to something in London and need somewhere to stay.
It's not about being Lord and Lady Bountiful, it's not about showing off. I know that if the tables were turned (and they have been in the past for me), these people would give us whatever support they could.

redlady_1

My mum used to give me the BOGOFs and that felt ok. The other thing she does is send me Morrisons vouchers (especially the miles ones) and I can deal with that. I guess because it is food I can accept but the one thing you learn is that when money is tight, pride goes right out of the window.

Mum also used to send me "Red Cross Parcels" which were cleaning hampers mainly made up from the BOGOFs but I knew there were a few extras thrown in, and she knew I knew but nothing was ever said. Perhaps put some seeds in a hamper too?

[Deleted User]

When I was a little girl just after the war my Mums sister who lived in New Jersey used to send us 'food parcels' of stuff we couldn't get over here because of rationing and it was so exciting to get these as you never knew what was going to arrive.Once we had some tins of pineapple and I thought I had died and gone to heaven as I had never tasted it before .We also had some little tins of Heinx baby apple purree which as we couldn't get a pork joint as there were so many shortages my Mum insisted we use as a spread on toast instead of jam It was revolting but we ate it as if your hungry you will eat anything.But when my children were babies I never ever gave them heinz apple from a tin it reminded me too much of eating this mush on toast as a little girl :) My auntie used to stuff every tiny space with bits and my Mum had her first pair of nylons from the U.S. and she was so pleased she sat and cried just looking at them.They were like gold dust to get hold of and she only wore them on high days and holidays and kept them for a very long time wrapped in tissue paper. Us kids got the cartoons from the american newspapers that she had used to wrap things in and my brother used to swap them for things at school as english newspapers didn't have coloured cartoons in those days She would also put in some Marvel Superman comics I bet they would be worth something today.

PollyFlinders_3

We had a very difficult year in 2010 after DH lost his job. We worked out that we could just about afford to buy the basics and feed the family, but there was nothing to spare for treats or little extras. When visitors bring some nice biscuits, cakes or sweets for the children its really appreciated because we have gone without them for so long. Veg seeds are also very good - surprising how many people over-order or have some left over that they are happy to pass on. Also when people upgraded their small kitchen appliances and offered us their old ones - meant I got a basic breadmaker for nothing which has proved a real godsend.

I remember an elderly relative who loved having visitors but said she wished some of them would think to bring some biscuits or some teabags because it got very expensive to cater for visitors all the time - perhaps next time you go take something to share while you are there?

rozmister

I buy things for my Mum as presents because even though she isn't hard up now and actually gives me money now (I'm a student) we were hard up when I was little and I remember not having a lot and I worry about her spending all her money on my brother and I!! At Christmas I buy her bits I know we'll have at Christmas like Port or Crackers or Crisps when I see them on offer. Through the year I buy things that are bashed but otherwise fine and long life from my work (a supermarket) or if I see something I know she likes on offer I buy it for her and say Oh well it was cheap and it made me think of you. When I go home to visit I take recipes of things I want to try out saying to her there's no point cooking it for just me and I buy all the ingredients when I do this. You could always just say you bought the things on offer or you don't want to cook it for just you or say you've seen some new biscuits you want to try. I think the main thing about helping but it not feeling like charity is that rather than just pressing things on people you make it feel like sharing and thinking about them. You could tell them you want to be OS and do they want to do a bit of an OS mission together over the winter months.

Farway

JackieO , oh I remember those comics used to wrap stuff, we spent hours reading them, plus the strange adverts about setting up your own business selling shoes door to door, never made sense to us then or now

Also had a relative in Tanganyika [any born after 1962 will have to Goggle for it]who sent wicker baskets of goodies