Asking a partner for money!! Would you?

ryuken21

Would you ask your partner to borrow some money until you could get yourself back on your feet?

Now my situation is I have been with my gf for only over 3 months and she is very aware of my debt issues but not aware I can't afford to pay them. I had something very unfortunate happen to me where a debt collecting agency on behalf of natwest took all my money in one go to satisfy my debt with them leaving me pennyless, no food, no money for bills and rent. Still the debt is not fully paid off and they are hassling me for the rest.

Would it be cheeky to talk with my partner and explain the situation and see if she can help me out until I get some regular income? I know the amount is a massive factor when it comes down to asking, but if you really needed it and had no where else to turn would you go for it?

I'm so ashamed because it's always been me that pays for everything and takes her places and now I have to ask her for money. Before I do though, please any advice.

concerned43

I personally wouldn't, I have been in your position and your GFs. I told my then BF that I was in debt and needed £20k to pay it all off and save my house - he said he would help out (I was with him 4 years by then and did not ask for his help), but he did not help out and we ended up splitting up.

Before that I had a bf who earned a fifth of my wage and he needed a car to get to and from work - he asked me to finance it, I lost respect for him right there and we eventually broke up because my feelings at changed from the moment he asked (we had been together 1 year).
I don't think you have been with your GF long enough to put this strain on your relationship and expect a happy ending.

Caroline_83

Personally, I wouldn't. Sometimes it's worse owing your family and friends. You've only been together for 3 months and you should both be blissfully unaware of the complicated problems that can crop up in relationships.

Creditors tend to make a habit of using threatening terminology to scare you into paying the full balance. It's a shame you didn't ask for debt advice before you paid them because it was unnecessary. Learn to say no. Negotiate. Explain that you cannot afford to pay the rest and therefore won't be until you can come to a reasonable agreement that suits you both.

Approach your university. They can help you. They may be able to give you a hardship grant.

After reading your previous post, I genuinely hope that you won't be gambling again in future. There is a reason that these organisations make so much money and you don't. Good luck.

Nottoobadyet

Personally, I would have no problem paying my OH's food, rent (if we lived together), etc for a few months in times of stress. In fact, I have in the past, without expecting anything back. But we had been together several years by that point, and several years down the line are still together. I would feel less confident in doing this with a young relationship. Could you maybe ask a family member for help instead, then do your very, very best to pay them back on time?

It sounds like what you really need is more than a tie over until pay day - that debt isnt gone, so you need to get yourself sorted a bit. If I lent money to a new OH only to find that he needed cash again a month later, it would ring huge alarm bells with me.

Why on earth does she let you pay for everything if she knows your in debt?

bigblackdog

is she rich?

DebtfreeBY40_2

My Mum always said to me, never borrow money from friends or family and I must say, with hindsight, I often feel very pleased that I never did. I never have to feel guilty that I haven't paid them back or avoid them.

ryuken21

Looks like the general consensus then is not to ask. Ok I will think about it some more.

My gf has in the past offered me money in times of being short, but only £20 here or there for food, out of embarassment even when i really needed that £20 I declined. But now I need it and more, more than ever and i'm just thinking would she still have the same respect for me if I did ask.

I know its only 3 months, but we do care about each other and dont want each other to struggle. I know right now, knowing how horrible this situation is, the minute she asked me for money (if i had it) it would be in her hands 10 minutes later.

But.. BUT dont think i'm not listening to you or am not aware of the potential dangers and risks in asking, you are all grown ups with your own life experiences and I respect that, I just need some way of getting through this small bad patch.

looktothefuture

Personally, no I wouldn't! The relationship is still too young to be asking to borrow money! If you were my boyfriend and we'd only been dating a few months and you asked to help bail you out, I'd have a huge problem saying no but I'd also loose some respect for you! I have been with my fiance for going on 8 years and for the past 6 of those years I have paid for virtually everything we have, including all the bills and his son's pocket money - i love him and I know he earns peanuts compared to what I now do but it still gets under my skin that it's down to me to do the saving in the relationship!

CashRequired

I think its a little cheeky as you havn't been with her long. I don't think borrowing off people is the best thing.

My girlfriend of 5 years offered to clear my debt and pay her back (5~k) - declined and paid it off myself, i didn't want her to have any stress because of my debts. Similarly my mom offered me money in the same fashion but i just don't like the idea of it. I would have had 0% interest obviously but, for me it didn't morally feel right.

Caroline_83

You sound a bit desperate Ryuken21 and I know that feeling all too well. You rattle your brains for some magic money making scheme and it never comes. You'll get passed it. You just need to wait for the feeling to pass because at times like this, you can make irrational decisions which can make your situation worse.

Take your time, wait to speak to somebody at university. It doesn't have to be resolved tonight.

RachelS

I think only you can answer that based on your relationship. Three months rings warning bells for me, especially as she isn't totally aware of your situation in terms of repayments. But you know that best.

What I would say is that being able to borrow from others, even in the short term, makes it harder to face up to debts and start working on them properly. That's been my experience, anyway. I've known what I should do about my debts for ages: earn more and spend less. And I've always THOUGHT I was working on it, when what I was really doing was making plans and not taking any real action. It was only when all my avenues of borrowing from family etc dried up that I have actually faced up to the situation and started taking action. I'm not doing anything now I couldn't have done months ago, saving hundreds or thousands of pounds.

If you are really short, I would recommend selling something if you can rather than borrowing. Nothing like it for shocking yourself into taking further action.

Also, she's not with you because you buy her things and take her places (or if she is, she's not worth it, but from the way you talk about her it sounds like she's not). Fess up that you can't afford it...tell her you're cutting back so you have a better future, she'll love that!