advice re 19 yr old autistic daughter

frugalbychoice

I'm not sure where to post this, regarding my daughter who is 19 (20 next month) and was diagnosed with PDD-NOS at 16.

I always knew there was something not quite 'right' since she was about 4, she never really had a group of friends, only one 'best friend' that she was overprotective over and extremely jealous of anyone who spoke to 'her' friend.

Anyway, she is now an adult, has no friends, wont leave the house without me, and seems to have got worse in terms of maturity. She insists on talking like a baby, sucking her thumb , and she wears clothes that are very childish (frilly skirts and little girls dresses etc). She hardly talks to anyone but me and my husband, and won't join in with a conversation. She will just sit there and watch us.

I know my daughter is 'different' but I don't understand why she is so immature. She is very intelligent and on the rare occasion we can have meaningful intelligent conversations. When my friends come over and see my daughter, and ask me how old she is I feel like telling them 'she's a 19 year old girl trapped in a 4 year's olds body'.:( They don't believe she is autistic because she looks normal, they just think she's about 11 or 12 because of the clothes she wears/way she acts.

Recently she has asked for a Tinkerbell bedroom, and I'm just not sure how to approach this. I told her she's a young woman and she gets very upset about it:(

Do I just encourage/go - along with her childlike behaviour and interests? Or do I treat her like a 'normal' girl of her age?

Plans_all_plans

What a difficult situation you are in. Is there a support group locally for people who have children with the condition? You really should utilise any help available to you in these forms. Other parents who have been/are going through the same thing will be able to help you decide how to react to your daughter's mannerisms etc. I'm sorry not to be of more help. Best of luck.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I don't see anything wrong in saying she is 4 internally but 19 externally.

But it would need to be confirmed that the childlike behaviour is related to her diagnosis and not something different that needs to be addressed in another way. For example, due to stress from the idea of being a grown up and all on her own.

pink_numbers

You still need to show her what is appropriate behaviour for a person of her age. She won't know what's appropriate or not unless she is shown, probably over and over. As her mother, you will be able to introduce and encourage her to more grown up clothes, conversation, anything

It is far more confortable for her to stay a little girl, surrounded by familiar things. Growing up means more responsibilities also, which is likely to be causing her a lot of stress.

I remember (as an aspergic teenager), it took soooo long for me to 'get' why I had to stop calling my mum 'mummy' and call her mum or mother, just because I was above a certain age. So it will take her time to understand and put into practice concepts that you had no problem picking up. I also needed these things pointed out to me, as I was not able to 'pick up' these things.

treliac

There may be support in your area for parents looking after someone with autism/aspergers. There seems to be more becoming available as these difficulties are more readilly being identified when they occur.

Why not see if you have a local carers association? GP surgery or council should be able to provide information.

julie03

my son has just been diagnosed with aspergers and we have been told they learn more visually so telling her she is grown up she may not get, she may need to see it, iyswim , i have no idea how you would go about it tho

sassy_one

Her condition is life long; just because she is 19 years old "herself" does not mean she will grow out of it and you can't expect that.

I'm sorry but I'm sure you would have been told that Aspergers Syndrome is life long, there is no treatment and no fix and it will not improve, maybe one day she will get better as grow up more but she will always have this mental health issue.


Aspergers can be very distressing to watch, specially when your child acts younger than they are.

I think though you need to just let her do what makes her happy but remind her your happy to sort maybe social clubs out for her or maybe you could take her to a disco/nightclub sometime but when she's ready.


Goodluck

System

contact mencap they maybe able to help in getting her to socialise at organised events.

sock-knitter

i have two boys aged 15, with mental health issues, adhd, and autism/aspergers. it is hard work being a parent of kids who are quite immature for their aga.
contact your local carer's associaion, for support for yourself
as for her bedroom, why not decorate it in just one colour and maybe a couple tinkerbell accessories, to keep her happy
try and buy her clothes suitable for her age, not little girl clothes, just sensible every day clothes without the frills
as hard as it is, we have to help our children try and fit in
contact social services for advise, my two lads were pretty much isolated no friends outside school etc, social services gave me a list of groups for young people in the area with special needs, a youth club on saturday afternoon, where children, with physical as well as mental health problems, they love it, and made so many friends there, and staff numbers are high, and they are well trained to deal with any problems