2011...............and I'm still learning!

Snowdonlily

Hi Michelle, thanks for saying hello, and your comments are very much appreciated. I have to confess I didn't expect it to be so tough, but I'm glad I finally mustered enough courage to leave. People think that because you instigate the split, you must be coping ok, but as you say its really tough going!

Not having the boys with me is the worst part. DS1 and 2 are at Uni anyway, but I left DS3 with his dad so he could finish his schooling with the minimum of disruption (he has his GCSEs soon). I can be perfectly fine all day, getting on with things, then all of a sudden, the guilt hits me and I feel like the lowest of the low for breaking up the family. Even though my head and my heart tell me I've done the right thing, it doesn't make it any easier.

Hi spendtoomuch - hope you had a good weekend x

I opened my new ebay account and have a few things listed. I hope my zero feedback doesn't put off potential buyers. It wouldn't put me off buying from someone, so hopefully it'll be ok.

I'm at work today, been in all weekend - two days' time and a half :j:j its been really quiet tho' so the time has passed quite slowly.

Didn't quite manage a NSD, I bought a newspaper and a bottle of diet coke.

My diet keeps getting sabotaged (but in the nicest way!). A customer brought me in a box of M&S Belgian chocs as a belated Christmas pressie - she'd been with the flu over Christmas and then I'd been off for two weeks. That was a really nice gesture and made my week

I'm going to Blackpool!! :j:j:j:j

BF has a meeting there and I'm tagging along for the weekend. I've found us a hotel for two nights for the grand total of £75.00 B&B
I know that its not strictly MSE, but fun's been in short supply lately and we could both do with a laugh. This'll be our first weekend away together.

It'll also take his mind off waiting to hear from the Insolvency Practitioner about this IVA.

Finally, its payday tomorrow.............at long last. Its time for a brand new start and time to get back to the penny pinching, I've been a bit "spendy" since Christmas and need to get back in control (says she who's planning a w/e in B'pool!).

Better get back to work, hope you all have a brilliant week!

Snowdonlily

I'm trying very hard to have a NSD today. I nearly gave in at lunchtime and bought some biscuits, but my purse and my waistline won the battle and I resisted the temptation

Another very quiet day at work today. I like my job, but when its this quiet time seems to move sooooo slowly. Funny though, cos when I get home, its time for bed before I turn around!

Yesterday was payday, so all bills have been paid and I'm up to date - for the moment at least.

I'm having second thoughts about going to Blackpool. Neither of us can afford it really. I've found us a nice sounding hotel not far from the centre of Blackpool for £116 (this is for 3nts B&B) for the two of us. I had a look at the reviews for the £75 one I mentioned and they didn't sound too good!!

Saw DS3 last night. I hate having to take him back to H's house and then not see him for a few days. We had a long chat and he understands why I left him at his dad's. He realises he would've had to change schools if he'd moved with me. Doesn't make it any easier though

Don't really know what my next move should be now. The tenancy of the cottage I'm currently renting comes to an end on the 21st Feb, after that it goes month by month and I can give notice anytime. DS3 wants me to come back to our hometown asap, and even though I'm dying to see more of him I'm not sure how wise it is to tie myself to another six month tenancy as my divorce could be finalised within the next six weeks or so. On the other hand, H could take a couple of months to raise the funds to pay me off, and buying my own house could take another couple of months. I don't know what to do for the best...............stay put here and wait it out or move back and take on another tenancy for 6 months.

Sorry for rambling, but its driving me mad! If I move back I can see DS3 everyday. I just wish I knew how long its likely to take from decree nisi to getting everything settled (anyone have a crystal ball?).

You may have guessed..........I'm not the world's most patient person

Two more ebay sales last night making a total of £49 (for two things that originally cost me £7!).

I'm off to update my signature, and as I'm at work, I should probably go and do some

Hope you're all having a good Tuesday x

xx_michelle_xx

Hi snowdonlily, hope you enjoyed your biscuits!

Yay on your ebay sales. I've got loads of stuff on ebay too, we're moving house in the next month or so and i really really don't want to move all the stuff that seems to have built up in the loft. Plus i could do with the pennies lol

I see your predicament with the move etc. If you moved back and started a new 6 month tenancy then that would be up at the end of august (by my calculations lol).

If your son doesn't finish school til may/june then that means you could see him more often alot sooner and that would obviously make you alot happier.

I know nothing about divorces (we weren't married), but as you say, it could take weeks or months for everything to be finalised. By the time it is, you could be half way through your new tenancy and will only have to wait a few months to buy your own property.

If you don't mind me asking, is the house buy a need or a want? What i mean is, would it matter if you had to finish the duration of a tenancy? All that being said, if when you find a house you would really like the owners may be in a chain which could delay the move anyway.

We should invest in that crystal ball you mentioned! It would be sooooo much better than the advice given by moi lol

Anyways, enjoy the rest of your day

xx

Snowdonlily

Hi Michelle, thanks for stopping by again!

I didn't get the biscuits in the end................I was a good girl

TBH buying a house is a bit of both (a need and a want!). I was married to H for 22 years and was lucky, had a nice house and no mortgage. I've worked for most of those 22 years so contributed to most of the household costs and paid all of the childrens costs.

Half the value of the old house should give me quite a hefty deposit to put down on a new (to me) house and then, fingers crossed, I'll be able to get a small mortgage to pay the rest.

At the moment I'm paying £450 rent per month, whereas a £75k mortgage would cost something similar and I'd have something to show for it at the end. Of course, I'll have to pay off the £18k debt (thats another story!) before even thinking about getting a mortgage.

I've had years of listening to H going on about how hopeless I am with money so part of it is wanting to stand on my own two feet, buy my own house, get my own mortgage, pay it off and stick two fingers up at him in the process

I know he's just waiting for me to make a mess of things, but I won't give him the satisfaction

Perhaps if we found that crystal ball, we could buy the winning lottery ticket

maman

:wave: What a dilemma and only you can decide.

For what it's worth I'd find a rental in your home town ASAP so that you can be close to DS3 very soon. He sounds such a lovely, understanding boy and I'm sure that will make him (and you) very happy. Then, together, you can look at houses when the settlement is sorted and he's finished school. Even if you get your money very quickly then it won't do any harm to sit in the bank for a few months and you'll be an excellent buyer with no chain. I don't know about your part of the world but I'm not aware of house prices rising so all you've got to lose is the rent money which is negligible against the cost of a house. You'll be on hand to look at places and you might choose a property that you want to do a bit of decorating or something before you move in and it'll be useful living near. That's my two penneth!

Well done on resisiting the biscuits, much healthier but more importantly you're proving that you can be sensible with money. Well done:T

Snowdonlily

Hello everyone, hi Maman!

I think you're right, the way to go is to find a new rental closer to DS3 and take my time with the next step. I'm forever letting my heart rule my head and making costly mistakes in the process so I'm going to use my head this time!

So far today is a NSD, but that's because I had a migraine at work this morning and didn't feel like going out to the shops at lunchtime, not because I'm feeling particularly thrifty today. I feel really rotten actually. I've been having a lot more migraines lately which makes me think I'm stressing too much about things

Still no word from the Sols............I wish they'd get a move on!

I'm seeing DS3 tonight again, and DS2 will also be there for a little while. He's home from Uni for a few days

Not much else to report really. I have a few things ending on ebay in the next couple of days - one with 20 watchers. I'd love to get my reserve fund up to about £300 before the end of Feb. so here's fingers crossed for a bidding war

Snowdonlily

Feeling a bit like I've been run over by a truck today

Yesterday started off badly with a migraine while I was at work and just went downhill from there!

Saw DS2 and DS3 after work. We all went to my parents house for tea and then spent a couple of hours there. I was already feeling rotten when I arrived, then the boys told me a couple of things and I completely over reacted, burst into tears and couldn't stop sniffling the whole time I was with them. I'm so angry at myself, I could kick myself (really, really hard!!).

The boys didn't need to see that - this is hard enough on them as it is.

DS3 will be applying for a load of apprenticeships this month. One of the companies is having an open day on Saturday, to which H will be taking DS3. DS3 only found out about it yesterday afternoon and I found out about it in a roundabout way (without him telling me). The other thing was that he forgot to tell me that he's been made a prefect at school. I just lost the plot and burst into tears. I got it into my head that they were shutting me out, and it broke my heart.

Of course, now I've calmed down, I can see they were just being typical teenage boys. Getting information out of them has always been like getting blood out of a stone!

Poor things, looked so guilty it made me feel even worse for turning into a blubbering wreck

Ever the sensible one - BF told me it did them no harm to see just how much I miss them but I shouldn't have over-reacted.

On the moneysaving front, today was almost a NSD. I fancied an omelette for tea, so popped out at lunchtime for half a dozen eggs.

Also had an ebay parcel returned by the PO - not had an item not received message yet, so I'll have to chase that one up. Haven't had this happen before - do I charge them again for the postage, or is that my responsibility?

maman

I think BF is right to a point about the boys seeing you're upset. It's not as if you're doing it all the time which would be OTT. To make you feel better just tell DS3 next time that you were feeling low because of migraine and it was sort of happy crying as well because of the prefect thing. Or you could text him and wish him well for the Open Day?

Snowdonlily

Its been a productive day here today for a change.

I've done my washing, ironing, cleaned the house from top to bottom (didn't take long, as its tiny!), dyed my hair and been for a walk

BF coming round for his tea later, so there's a shoulder of lamb in the oven. Just before I left H I ordered half a lamb............I'm still eating my way through it months later!!

What a difference a little sunshine makes

I was putting out the rubbish this morning, and just by the gate there's a load of snowdrops starting to poke through. I didn't know they were there, but it cheered me up no end to see them

Spring is on the way, so here's to fresh starts :T

No more wobblers from me, from now on...............nothing but positive thinking

Snowdonlily

Hello.......I'm back!

Lots to tell you today. Still feeling positive today, so I've decided to be proactive for a change. I've bitten the bullet and found a new house in my home town. A beautiful little two bedroomed terrace house and the rent is £90 less than I'm paying here :T:T.

I went to see DS3 on Monday. We had a heart to heart and he asked me again when my tenancy ends here (I'd already explained all about tenancy agreements and how they work when I moved in). My six months ends on the 20th Feb. Anyway, I won't go into all the details, but I phoned round some letting agencies today.......nothing available. I went to school with the girl who runs the one in my home town, she had nothing suitable, but she told me "unofficially" that her brother has a house to let.............his tenants moved out last week. I phoned him this morning, viewed it at 6.00pm this evening (BF came with me) and phoned him at 8.00pm to tell him I'll take it :T:T

It'll be just me to start, but if my sons get on ok with BF he'll be moving in with me in a couple of months time

They've already met, and so far seem to be getting on, but I don't want to rush them............they've had a lot to get used to in the last year or so.

I'm not sure if I have to give a month's notice or six weeks, but I'll take my written notice in tomorrow morning, and start packing!

In the last few months, I've started to believe that some things are preordained and definitely happen for a reason.

Last week I was feeling really sorry for myself, then I notice the little snowdrops by the gate and suddenly things seem a lot more hopeful. Then today.............I decide to stop hiding out here and go home. I phone the letting agent, and her brother just happens to have a lovely little house that comes vacant just when I need it. Not only that, but its cheaper too!

So the universe isn't ALL bad......................sometimes good things happen at just the right time