***New*** Thrifty Gifty Money Making for Christmas and all occasions 2011***

knithappens

Kec -

I dont want to go into masses of details on here, ( PM me if you like) but i had this with my now Ex Husband, I thought i was doing the right thing holding on for him to make a decision , but mentally and emotionally i was a mess, and all i was really doing was allowing him to have his cake and eat it too, I felt like i was an option, when really i should have been his only choice.

I know it sounds harsh, but you can only be treated how you allow a person to treat you (only learnt this through experience). The moment i put my foot down, everything started to fall into place, and could see, even though it hurt like hell, that he did not love me to treat me the way he had.

It is hard, but you need to tell him straight, and if he cannot give you what you need, then it is time to let him go on his merry way, and from his recent actions of leaving again ( sorry I dont know all the ins and outs but just from just what you have written) then he has already spoken volumes, actions definatley speak louder than words.

My Ex often told me what i wanted to hear, and becasue i wanted it to be thr truth it kept me in the relationship, even though his actions and my rational mind new i had to leave. I think i held on too long, and like i said it almost destroyed me, and i hear you say that you are barley exsisting, and i dont want that to happen to you, it is a hiorrible place to be. Maybe take this time he has gone to get yourself in better shape, so you can decided what you want to do once and for all

knithappens

Thanks for the advice on the Tax front ladies.

It is over cast here today and heavy rain is predicted so looks like i will be staying in, so will catch up with some surveys I have,and do a little decorating. Am also trying to find some cheap but sturdy wardrobes for mine and my eldests rooms, 3 door, wow, I forgot how expensive they are for a few sheets of wood. And am also looking for a new electric cooker, and that is boggling my mind, the amount f choice is astounding.

I manged a reddem on viva, and also on VO, i used the voucher to put towards a garage that had been reduced to £6 for christmas , so only paid the £6 odd. She is obsessed with trains and cars right now, which i love as my 8 year old will play with her for hours with them

NickyBo_2

Kec - I agree with the advice already given here. He just isn't being fair to you by leaving you hanging on for him and he'll keep doing it while you let him. I know it will be very hard to do but I really think the best thing you could do is take charge of the situation. Like Elysia suggested, arrange to meet up with him and tell him you've had enough. Bu like Knit said, bear in mind he could then just tell you what you want to hear and be full of empty promises. Decide if you could trust him again or, even if he comes back, are you going to be worrying about him leaving again?
My sister-in-law has being going through something very similar. For the last year her husband has been leaving for a few weeks, then coming back, then off again etc. The last time she finally told him it was enough and not to bother coming back, and stuck to it. She made him come and pick up his stuff and she changed the locks so he couldn't just come and go as he pleased. She said it was very difficult to do but she forced herself and now feels much happier being in control of the situation.

We're all here for you, vent whenever you want (((HUGS)))

Savvybunny2009

Good morning everyone, feels like ages since I last posted in here.

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time again kec, I think knit has give some very good advice, I have been in your situation before and I upped and left, took the control away from him and started a new life, had my hair done bought some new clothes and felt a million miles better for it. It is hard to pluck up the strength but you deserve better and we are all here for you. This is years ago mind before I met and settled down with my hubby and had kids, best thing I ever did.

Sorry I haven't been around much, it's not been easy without a laptop and with dd's birthday next week it is all go go go. Can't believe she will be 2, where does the time go!

Have ordered a new laptop but wont be here until end of next week, so wont be able to list ebay items until then, but it will be full steam ahead. Just doing some surveys whilst I have a quiet hour before the wrapping begins and the housework gets tackled.

Hope everyone is keeping up with the money making

kec09

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claireylulu

Kec hun, it is never one persons fault so don't go blaming it all on yourself.

Lots of people have careers they love and have partners too so don't blame your love for your work he can't be perfect either or he wouldn't treat you like this playing you off another women. My ex did this too me and even though people told me to get rid I like you wanted him. We did sort things out but I was young and eventually moved away from him. Talking and taking things one step at a time is what you need to do. And this women needs to get lost. He may be just using her to wind you up like my ex did.

Big hugs

sambamamba

claireylulu wrote: »

When is the best time to start putting my son's winter clothes on to sell. Going to do them in bundles and hope to get a little bit for them anything is a bonus.

When is the best time to put children's toys on. I know it is best to do it for the xmas buyers but when does this start

Claire, agree with the sept/oct timings, especially as we tend to have later & later indian summers now, and Elysia's payday timing is genius! Just wanted to add to keep an eye out for max postage limits if you're selling in bundles - it was £4.50 - £5 ish when I last sold one & I guessed the weight & it was over this limit :mad:. Also might be worth checking out HDN, Yodel etc if you have big toys for delivery (though f/b is a bit dodgy).

Kec, hugs to you. Could you go somewhere neutral & fun together; when hubby & I were in a very dark place when the twins were tiny we had an overnight at Alton Towers on our own (with a comp win but maybe a cheap seaside b&B). Knowing we could still laugh together helped us to have the conversations we needed to at least ride out the storm together.

You must live the life that makes you happy. The only person you can change is yourself, to speak in cliches, but that applies equally well to your other half, & I assume you had a career when you met him. This is part of the person he fell for. I do hope it all works for the best for you.

elysia2003

Kec - you say you never do anything together, and that your always working - Book some time off, they owe you. If you can't afford a holiday, at least being at home together will be just as good. It sounds like you both just need to take time out to be a couple - instead of both doing your own thing.


Samba - top tip there hun. The bundle thing caught me out last time. There is a max p+p on books, yet I was selling a set of 12 in a slip case. P+p would come up at £3.50 yet it cost £7.00, just by weighing the items first, I was able to add an extra £3.50 to my start price to cover the extra - I made sure I put that in the listing too, so everyone was aware, and didn't think they were being conned.

I've had a lovely morning - I've been blackberry picking with DD2 for 2 and a half hours. I'm just having a rest, and doing a review (maybe) and then making jam. It's still a bit early for blackberries - next week will be better, but we'll get some then too.

Have a good afternoon everyone - I will be back later.

kec09

Thankyou claireylulu but I do feel it is all my fault, I did not see the signs and it may now be too late

sambamamba I didn't have a career when we first met, I was only working in retail then when I started this job as a junior things were ok, its only really the last year or two, since I was made a manager running an extremly busy department, we have also bought out a lot of other companies and are now 5 times bigger than when I started I do about 5 times the work now as well.

Something has to give I know that, I am in the office 7 till 7 and bring work home with me. This is how bad I am - we get 5 weeks annual leave per calender year, we are in August now and I have not taken one day off yet I know this has to stop and I booked some days off for next week but its too little too late (I have had to cancel them now anyway) by the looks of it.

He asked me not to contact him for a while so he could get his head straight. The hardest thing has been completely cutting me off, I thought he would have contacted by now. I am trying my hardest not to contact him as I don't want to push him away even more, its just so hard

ETA cross posted with you Elysia, I would love for us to spend more time together as a couple, I just need to convince him now.

Savvybunny2009

Love is a crazy thing kec, he may be being honest and not cheating but it seems he is happy to pass the buck, it takes two to make a relationship work and ladies, I'm sure you can agree, it can be hard work at times.

You know you love him and you want it to work, hi telling you he is considering seeing another woman isnt helping. If he wants it to work he needs to talk to you, surprisingly he was able to tell you about another woman but not talk to you about how he feels. That is either because men are weird like that (and it could well be lol) or perhaps everything has got on top of him and he genuinely has no idea what he wants anymore, it may not be about the other woman at all it could be because he feels like he isn't in control of things.

I'm no expert and my advice is just an opinion. You need to do what's best for you. Try to get him to tell you what is wrong and what he wants to change, try to compromise and see how it goes. But please dont blame yourself and don't let him play you off against the other woman, you are strong and worth so much more than to be miserable hun.