Just had ESA medical......went badly

lynndy36

I wonder if anyone could give me any advice,I had my second ESA medical a few days ago.....I suffer with severe depression,OCD and anxiety.I am also an alcoholic in recovery and I self harm.
I got myself into a complete state before I went and sadly ended up self harming quite badly.When I arrived at the ATOS place I began the medical and the nurse noticed blood on my clothing,she then saw what Id done and wanted to rearrange the appointment and call an ambulance,I said theres no way did I want to worry about having to come back so finished the interview with my arm raised aboove my head..........an ambulance was called and I was taken to ER to be stitched up and see the crisis team AGAIN!!!!!
Im so afraid of getting the letter to say Ive failed,Ive read how awful the medicals are and how hard they are to pass......Im trying so hard to not drink,and feel the self harm is my only way to cope right now.I feel theyre pushing me to just kill myself......I dont think it will me long before some poor soul does.
If I have to appeal do I have to attend the appeal?
Im not a bad person,I HATE living like I do,Im ashamed for having to claim benefits but just cant seem to crack this mental health problem.I do have a CPN,and see a psychiatrist for my medication.
Im feeling sick with worry about the outcome.
Sorry to rant,Im just feeling overwhelmed.
Thankyou.

Blobby8_2

Cuddles for you ! Sorry I cant be more help, just to let you know I'm thinking of you and hope you progress. Drugs drink or cutting are no solution, get help asp. It is a long road but it can be done.

Two4Tuesday

I understand what you are feeling - I've been there too, but I have to say that by continuing with the interview and not rearranging it, it should count in your favour. I would be surprised if you failed your medical as the evidence of your mental health state is clear and unarguable - since the nurse had to call an ambulance to take you to hospital.

If you have to appeal, you should be able to get a copy of the medical report and go through it countering it with medical evidence from your psychiatrist and CPN. If it has to go to tribunal, then you are more likely to win if you attend.

If your emotions are getting too much, and you feel like you can't cope, can you call your CPN or drop in to your CMHT? In the worst case, call your crisis number and follow their advice.

Best regards
Two4Tuesday

fluffymovie

I'm very sorry to hear about the issues you are facing but I would just like to take issue with your statement "I feel theyre pushing me to just kill myself" as I feel that is very unfair.

Working in benefits myself, I find this a very malicious statement as your mental health isn't actually as a result of their actions and they are doing all they can. For those of us who work in benefits, a lot of us want to help and haven't gone into this line of work wanting to do harm.

I truly am sorry that you are finding it hard to manage and that self harm is your outlet at this time but please don't try to say that it is "their" fault as that really is very unkind.

lynndy36

I am so sorry for causing any offence,I dont think I have ever in my life been called malicious.
I guess when I used the term 'theyre' I simply meant the powers that be,those that have come up with this unfair medical assessment.
I certainly never meant to be unkind and have never acted in such a way when dealing with people at the benefits office.
Im not exactly thinking clearly at the moment and should have thought about how my post came across.

fluffymovie

Hey please don't think that was a personal attack at all.

Just a comment that really hits my buttons but like everyone, we all have our own demons.

Truly, hope things improve for you soon

X x

viktory

To be honest, it sounds like your medical was perfect for ensuring that you 'fail' and therefore get awarded ESA.

KxMx

Are the last two posts really constructive or helpful to a person so ill?

viktory

KxMx wrote: »

Are the last two posts really constructive or helpful to a person so ill?

I thought my post was somewhat reassuring for the OP.

Do you have a problem with that?

Two4Tuesday

viktory wrote: »

I thought my post was somewhat reassuring for the OP.

Do you have a problem with that?

There were two other unhelpful posts following yours, which seem to have now been deleted.