A complete mess

shellywelly1968

MrsTine wrote: »

OK I'm going to have to step in here... NOOOOOOOO!!!!!

If you are the main driver then the insurance has to be in your name! If your girlfriend drives the car more then fair enough it can go in hers with you as named - if you put it in hers and name you just to get a cheaper tariff and she barely uses it or never uses it it's classed as fraud - please don't ever do this! If you have an accident your insurance company will wash their hands of you so quick the engine won't even have cooled before they kick you...

I didn't suggest this for him to commit fraud. If his gf doesn't drive at all now then it is pointless doing it, but if she still drives then it was just an idea that might help reduce costs. Me and my ex use to both drive our car but I had full NCB that is why I did it the way I did.

Ames

kezzygirl wrote: »

hiya, just wanted to comment on your girlfriend not working etc due to ocd/anxiety...these are easily resolved problems.if she makes a trip to her gp she can get the help she needs.Does she plan on never ever working again?

They're really not easily resolved problems. I have anxiety and affective disorders, as well as cyclothymia and I've been told I can't even think about working for the foreseeable future. It's not a choice/plan not to work, it's just a case of not being able to.

If she's on ESA then she's already made several trips to the GP, and had gruelling medicals by the state to decide whether or not she can work.

Noselfdiscipline

If you have financial difficulties, why are you having a baby? How are you expecting to pay for it?

ferox666

Ames wrote: »

If she's on ESA then she's already made several trips to the GP, and had gruelling medicals by the state to decide whether or not she can work.

Gruelling? Hardly. Anyway, it's very difficult to "prove" either way that someone has anxiety or OCD.

I've been on medication for both anxiety and depression in the past and have other family members with mental health problems, so I'm not being flippant when saying that some people just need to pull themselves together and get back out to work. The comfort of "cocooning" yourself by saying "I'm ill, I can't work" actually makes the problem worse and makes the anxiety/confidence even worse and in the end it's nearly impossible to get back to work. The longer you leave it the harder it gets.

an9i77

I don't know about the OPs girlfriend and wouldn't want to comment on someone I don't know, but I have a friend who suffered anxiety/panic attack problems in his early 20s, he's not worked since despite the fact he is now in his mid 30s and admitted to me that he didn't have panic attacks anymore but couldn't face going to work. He admitted he faked his symptoms for his esa assessment as he is petrified of the world of work after being out of it so long. I look at him and think it's such a waste as he is a bright and intelligent person but will probably never work again and has resigned himself to a life of benefits. There are supportive programmes for those who want to return to work after a long period away, including when this has involved mental illness, but as with so many things in life, the person concerned has to really want to get involved, it cannot be forced on someone

Pernicious

an9i77 wrote: »

the person concerned has to really want to get involved, it cannot be forced on someone

Sorry but this is something that really needs to change - it should be forced onto those that are able to work but choose not too, the benefits system is a complete sham.

& to the poster who asked why they are having a baby if they can't afford to, I would assume it wasn't planned...especially after the comment that they hadn't really been together long enough to ask her to help with his debts.

kezzygirl

Ames wrote: »

They're really not easily resolved problems. I have anxiety and affective disorders, as well as cyclothymia and I've been told I can't even think about working for the foreseeable future. It's not a choice/plan not to work, it's just a case of not being able to.

If she's on ESA then she's already made several trips to the GP, and had gruelling medicals by the state to decide whether or not she can work.

errmm.....i am a cognitive behavioural therapist.ocd/anxiety ARE treatable....I do it everyday!
doe the op say his girlfriend is on esa?your effective/anxiety disorders/cyclothymia are completely different to ocd and anxiety.with ocd/anxiety you have to do cognitive work to break the cycle and these are easily accessible via gp's practice,trust me,I work in gp surgeries doing this!

kezzygirl

ferox666 wrote: »

Gruelling? Hardly. Anyway, it's very difficult to "prove" either way that someone has anxiety or OCD.

I've been on medication for both anxiety and depression in the past and have other family members with mental health problems, so I'm not being flippant when saying that some people just need to pull themselves together and get back out to work. The comfort of "cocooning" yourself by saying "I'm ill, I can't work" actually makes the problem worse and makes the anxiety/confidence even worse and in the end it's nearly impossible to get back to work. The longer you leave it the harder it gets.

Completely agree.Anxiety is fuelled by a constant cycle of exposure,dont like situation/scared of situation,avoid.This is how it keeps going,the person keeps avoiding and never realise that these situations are not scary and bodily symptoms will not and cannot continue for longer than 50minutes.Not only that its a misinterpretation of the bodily symptoms that promotes more panic and more avoidance.

kezzygirl

and might i also add that while ocd and anxiety are easier to treat, a disorder such as cyclothymia(which,lets be honest is more serious than a bit of ocd considering it mimics bipolar) is a more severe reason to stay off work considering the unpredictability of the illness.

Also, cyclothymia is a psychiatric disorder which is treatable but wont go away,anxiety ocd are psychological disorders which have a behavioural basis and therefore CAN be treated.

determined_new_ms

Hi can I just add re OCD (I work with ppl with mental health problems) it is one of the only enduring mental health problems that is CUREABLE. However it takes alot of effort to change. She needs to challenge herself to stop doing the rituals, once she has done this once she is on the road to recovery and it won't be long before she can get back to having a normal life. Ok so for example if she feels she has to check, check, double check then recheck the switches in the kitchen because if she doesn't there is likely to be an electrical fire & she will be the cause of your death (quite a normal senario with OCD) this causes her anxiety levels to increase then she does the ritual and the anxiety reduces. This confirms her belief that the rituals are preventing the fear from happening right? But the thing about anxiety is it won't kill anyone and if she does nothing the anxiety will go after a period of time anyway. So what she needs to do is when the anxiety arises not respond to it - even if she is in a state of anxiety for 2 hours (this is likely to be the longest those feelings will last) it WILL GO. THis will then start to build a new belief - that anxiety will go by itself and the belief the rituals are helping will be replaced by the belief that anxiety goes up, plateaus and then goes down. Once she sees this she can go forward.

Often ppl who care about ppl with OCD do things for the person with OCD becuase they care but in actual fact they are colluding with the person and making the situation worse. You need to stop this, ppl who do this are making it worse. hths