Sorting through my rubbish

3_kids_2_jobs_1_dog

Hi All

I've had a nasty shock today. Found out that my Ex has frozen our joint account without telling me so none of the bills I thought were covered are being paid and only yesterday I transferred my share of the bills money into that account! I've spoken to the bank and they say I should get that money returned to me, they are also going to send a list of direct debits so that I can get them put into my name. I'm sure he hasnt thought about the fact that the house is no longer insured now, so if it burns down we'll have nothing, something I will have to sort out when I get home. I am shocked and upset that he has done this, I thought we were going to try and sort things out in a civilised, mature manner.

I've opened an additional account with my bank, a rewards one so I will get some cashback towards Christmas, and all of the bills etc will go out of this, I will then just have the grocery money etc in my everyday account. I have told Ex that I expect the maintenance money in my account by the end of the month (otherwise I will go to the CSA and it will cost him more), I think he is going to try and pay less but the CSA calculator shows he should actually be paying more than he is now.

I just don't see the need for all of this stress and nastiness, we were both paying into the joint account, the bills were going out, why do this and why not tell me? It's just pointless aggrevation.

321 xxx

Toni'sfriend

Hello,
I have just been catching up with the last few months and before I go any further can I just say I think you are doing marvellously well.
I said to you that I found myself in a similar position many years ago when my Ex decided he didn't want the responsibility of a wife and child (took him 15 years and me paying for everything for him to realize it!). What has happened to you happened to me. He changed his mind when he couldn't look after himself and when I said no way he made my life as difficult as he could. I'm just glad we didn't have a joint bank account. Freezing it is a terrible thing to do. Does he not realize how that impacts on your daughter. No probably not and I bet he's telling everyone that it's all your fault. What I want to say is you hang on in there. You're strong and you will get through this. xxx

3_kids_2_jobs_1_dog

Hi All

Toni's Friend, thank you so much for your re-enforcement that I'm doing ok, I feel in control at the moment but I do have wobbles. I am so angry that he has frozen the account, we spoke that day and yet he didn't mention what he was doing! He's not spoken to me since and is ignoring my messages! He is so immature, despite being 51! It was only because The Kennel Club rang about the pet insurance that I discovered what was going on. The trouble is if we get missed payments on our credit reports it could affect future mortgages, but he won't have thought of that.

The similarities between what has happened to us are incredible, we had been together for 15 years too! And yes now that I have said I don't want him back he is spitting the dummy because he can't get his own way any more!

I think things are going to get really nasty, and expensive, if I'm not careful, I really don't want to line the pockets of a solicitor when it should all be so unnecessary. He has gone into full on 'victim mode' and seems to have forgotten that his actions have caused all of this.

My new account is up and running and I sorted out the main bills last night, council tax, gas, electricity and water, which are all due on the 1st. I am waiting for a list of the other direct debits and I will sort those out over the next few days.

I will not let him get to me!

321 xxx

Toni'sfriend

And yes now that I have said I don't want him back he is spitting the dummy because he can't get his own way any more!

Oh yes! That's it exactly.
Can I suggest that you contact CAB or someone regarding your rights to the matrimonial home etc before you start paying for a solicitor. Although I have now lived with my new partner for 15 years I have never divorced my ex (we sold the property involved although with hindsight I could have come out of it better off financially). He was making things so very difficult so I thought "Sod you. I don't really need a divorce. You can pay for it".
The difficulty is potentially your daughter. Don't let him bad mouth you to her. I have never said a bad word about his father in front of my son (although I can't say that it worked both ways) and they have a good relationship. His father never paid a penny towards his upkeep and my now partner helped him financially through university. It annoys me a bit but such is life and my son loves my partner as much as his father and would do anything for him.
Keep on going and let me know how things progress. xxx

3_kids_2_jobs_1_dog

Hi All

Hope you have all had a lovely weekend. I had a lovely busy one, drinks with the girls on Friday night, lunch with mum on Saturday followed by a visit to some old friends and then a girly shopping trip with DD on Sunday, got a few bits for her birthday later this month.

We weren't too extravagant on our shopping trip, had Subway for lunch, managed to get DD an Adid@s bag and trainers both in the sales for her birthday. I bought three new dresses in TK's but that came to a total of £27! and we got a few bits in Primark.

I went through my wardrobe last night, I have so many dresses that I have never, or hardly, worn in sizes 16 and 18, I'm now down to a 12, so I have advertised them on Facebook, any money I make will help pay for the new clothes I have had to buy.

We've eaten out of stocks this week, pizza Friday night, Mexican chicken, roast potatoes and veg on Saturday and fishfinger sandwiches when we got home last night!

DD is at her dad's next weekend and I am away visiting a friend, so another friend is house sitting, I will leave some nice bits and pieces in the fridge for her but other than that won't need to buy much this week.

I'm still trying to sort out this fiasco with the bank accounts but I'm getting there slowly. Still waiting for £300+ that was bounced back from the frozen account to re-appear in my bank account, will chase that up today and I still haven't received the list of direct debits etc from First Direct.

Anyway, I will not let this get to me, thinking positive nice thoughts!!! :rotfl:

Have a great day

321 xxx

3_kids_2_jobs_1_dog

Hi All

Phew, another week has flown by! I've had a lovely weekend, visited my new fella (!!:D) 'up country' had a fabulous time despite breaking down on the way up and a hefty garage bill, just one of those things unfortunately, thank goodness I have breakdown cover! I still had a lovely relaxing time and can't wait for my next visit. I wore some of my new dresses and tops whilst away and got very favourable reactions to them all.

My friends house and dog sat whilst I was away so left them some food and drink but they didn't use much, I think they just enjoyed sitting in the garden and relaxing in the hot tub!

I have managed to sell 4 of the dresses I put on facebook, so that was £50 plus I think another one has sold now. Will try and sell the rest, I could do with the extra money.

I have now got a list of the DD's that were set up on our joint account so I can finally sort that out. I have also messaged the Ex asking him to repay the overdraft on the joint account from the joint savings he took and to then give me half of what is left, I don't think for a minute he will do this but it was joint savings and so half is legally (and morally) mine. I did finally manage to retrieve the money I put into the joint account before I realised it was stopped!

My Ex has discussed my offer to buy him out with our daughter, apparently he doesnt know what to do about it, hopefully he will say yes!

So a busy week ahead workwise and a couple of nice things planned, catching up with friends etc. Will obviously be watching the football on wednesday! I will keep busy at the weekend and then it will be countdown until I can see my man again the following weekend.

Have a great day

321 xxx

3_kids_2_jobs_1_dog

Hi All

Its been a while since I posted.

New fella and I are no more I think me breaking down and taking 7.5 hours to get there knocked home how far apart we live and that neither of us is likely to want to move away from our families in the future so better to end it now before we are too invested. I am gutted, he ticked all of the boxes and being with him was so easy.

Ex is still not communicating with me which is very frustrating but I know it is just him trying to exercise some control. I had hoped we could deal with things amicably and in a mature fashion but it looks like everything will have to be done through solicitors which will get very expensive. He still hasn't sent me back half of the savings account money or responded to my offer to buy him out.

Food wise I am trying to ensure DD eats a bit healthier and have started cooking more from scratch again with large side salads or veg, I know that I have slacked in this area since Ex left.

I bought a nice J0ules denim skirt from someone on on Facebook today, like new, size 12 and it fits perfectly

Anyway must go, have a great day in the sun

321 xxx

3_kids_2_jobs_1_dog

Hi All

Well, I've not posted for nearly a year so here's an update...

DD and I are still in the house, my offer to buy Ex out is still on the table but he wants to sell up completely. DD wants to stay put so I am still doing my best to make that happen. Ex and I don't really have any communication apart from that these days and the divorce is progressing nicely. I am saving, not as much as I'd like but I'm not increasing my borrowing either so that's good, my loan is on a low rate and all of my Credit card debt is 0%.

I have kept the weight off, well most of it, a little has crept back on since meeting my new partner but I am trying to keep it in check. I am with someone I have known for a long time but we only got together at the end of last summer. We are really happy together and everyone is happy for us, we have both been through some tough times and don't want any dramas so everything is very chilled and we are enjoying each others company and having a lot of fun times. I am cooking from scratch more and we have been working on the garden too and just generally like doing things for and with each other.

Work is busy but my qualification is finished so one less thing to worry about and ultimately I do love my job!

Anyway I must go but wanted to let everyone know I was still breathing, will hopefully check in again soon

Take care

321

MeandO

Lovely to hear from you 321, sounds like life is mostly on the up for you. Hope things are sorted with the house and the ex soon so that you can have proper closure.
All the best xx

3_kids_2_jobs_1_dog

Hi MeandO

Yeah life definitely is good at the moment, I don't think I have ever been as happy and contented, the icing on the cake really would be getting the house sorted and I am doing my best with that. I have been looking at my finances and am trying to get them 'Mortgage ready', ie clearing the overdraft and showing savings (although some are hidden from Ex). I have a third valuation booked for Tuesday and so far they are all coming back at around the figure I thought (I had done my research, looking at what similar properties were marketed at and actually selling for). I just need Ex to accept my offer then.

Any way we have a nice weekend planned with the family and hopefully the weather wont be too shoddy.

Have a great weekend all

321 xxx