Is there anything I can do?

zag2me

Take her for a day out or something and get her to promise to see a debt counciller in return.

cazziebo

Kittykate

What a lovely,caring friend you are - wish I knew you!

Your friend sounds like the most generous and giving person who doesn't give a thought to herself. I agree with Bev and Climbgirl - be there for her.

Get her to have a look on here - some people's experiences will jolt anyone into a sense of responsibility. I'd my head in the sand for many many years until my lightbulb moment.

Cazzie
xx

KittyKate

Well...I know my OP is a bit misleading. I've known her 2 years and I've raised the debt issue maybe 5 times (and she's bought it up in times of panic 10 or so times). So I certainly don't think I am nagging her at all. I only suggested buying her Martin's book as a final try as I don't want to look the other way whilst she spends herself into bankruptcy, court action or whatever worse there is. Because as I've said she's such a lovely kind girl who's messed up due to the terrible year she has had.

As a result of my advice she has written out what she owes - it's just the spending is out of control. I never, ever say to her 'dont buy that' or 'why did you get that!' because it's up to her - but the high of spending doesnt last long.

Thanks for all your advice everyone - I just want to re-iterate I'm not some horrible old nag at all I'm just trying to be a mate because God knows she needs one.

Mrs_Sparkle

KittyKate you sound like a lovely friend. Personally I think you've done all you can and you should just let her dig herself a bit deeper until the reality finally hits. It looks like her good credit days are numbered anyway if she's been refused another loan.

I used to be a lot like your friend- splashing money around made me popular in the pub and that feeling can over-ride a lot of serious underlying problems temporarily. Gosh this is getting deep! But anyway, yes she needs counselling about her awful bereavement and she needs DFW too but you can't force her- just be there for her when it happens because it will happen sooner or later.
C x

Paula_anne

hi new dfw here,
I can relate to your friend, i lost my only sister to cancer 5 yrs ago, and since then i have got into a small amount of debt. The thing with losing a sibling is that it makes you feel empty and alone, your friend will know the right time to deal with this grief and hopefully this will enable her to deal with the debt. my huddy tried to help me with a budget and i rebelled. All you can do is just be there for her the best you can, although no one can really understand the grief unless they have been through it themselves. Hope this helps with the emotional side of things. xxx Paula

immoral_angeluk

It sounds like you're a great friend to her but I think you've tried your best now and should back off and let her run (or ruin) her own life if she won't see sense. It sounds harsh but the only way she's going to realise what a mess she's in is by finding out for herself.

Dolly_Smith

you are being a good friend but don't do what one of the posters up there suggested and tell her dad!!! that's a sure fire way to lose a mate, she's not a child!

You are doing all you can to help her and I'm sure she will come round eventually, just make sure you talk about other stuff too

Money-come-lately

Sometimes you have to cut someone loose..................It's like trying to pull someone up a mountain and they are pulling in the opposite direction.

whatatwit

Whilst your friend is getting the letters and calls it's easy enough for her to carry on.
Her lightbulb moment will come when her cards get refused at shops and she gets court letters and bailiff letters.

Then she might drop her friends that use her as a mealticket

seven-day-weekend

I think you have done all you can do in the way of telling her etc.

Just keep on refusing those drinks, don't go shopping with her (just tell her you're not coming because you don't want to be seen to be encouraging her spending) and just be there for her when the excrement hits the fan.