balancing work and family

Kimberley82

I have recently gone back to work full time after 8 years of being with my children. My husband works 50-60 hours a week on nights. I am really struggling to get everything done plus still being there with for my children.

Any tips?

Tropez

Depending on the financial situation, perhaps you could look into hiring a housekeeper or cleaner to take care of some or most of the housework? Agency cleaners are usually the best as their credentials are easier to check out and the agencies are often wary of their reputation thus investigate any misconduct complaints very seriously. Prices range from £9-£12 per hour where I am but it will depend on your locale as to how pricey it might turn out.

If it were viable, with the housekeeping taken care of then that may free up a few hours a day extra to spend with the kids, without the worry that this, this and that needs doing.

Kimberley82

Tropez wrote: »

Depending on the financial situation, perhaps you could look into hiring a housekeeper or cleaner to take care of some or most of the housework? Agency cleaners are usually the best as their credentials are easier to check out and the agencies are often wary of their reputation thus investigate any misconduct complaints very seriously. Prices range from £9-£12 per hour where I am but it will depend on your locale as to how pricey it might turn out.

If it were viable, with the housekeeping taken care of then that may free up a few hours a day extra to spend with the kids, without the worry that this, this and that needs doing.

Not possible, we dont have the money, plus my husband is asleep in the day so couldnt have someone in there cleaning

Tropez

That's fair enough.

In that case, does the school run any after-school clubs or perhaps a local sports centre running such a scheme? There's one our way that runs a Thursday night scheme for £7.50 per child and they have access to tennis courts, hockey, football and a couple of other things.

If you could find some inexpensive, after-school activities (maybe even a homework club, some schools still do this, depending on the age of the child of course), then you could use the couple of hours they're busy doing that to get your housework done perhaps?

Kimberley82

Tropez wrote: »

That's fair enough.

In that case, does the school run any after-school clubs or perhaps a local sports centre running such a scheme? There's one our way that runs a Thursday night scheme for £7.50 per child and they have access to tennis courts, hockey, football and a couple of other things.

If you could find some inexpensive, after-school activities (maybe even a homework club, some schools still do this, depending on the age of the child of course), then you could use the couple of hours they're busy doing that to get your housework done perhaps?

They have activites every night after school apart from tuesday when we do homework. I just feel its a never ending cycle of not getting everything done, maybe I just need to get used to it.

Tropez

Kimberley82 wrote: »

They have activites every night after school apart from tuesday when we do homework. I just feel its a never ending cycle of not getting everything done, maybe I just need to get used to it.

Well I would imagine it is quite the change for you so in that sense it will take some getting used to.

There may be some things you can do though.

Are weekends free, perhaps? Are you friends with any of their friends' parents? My mum and my best friends' mum used to have an arrangement where one Sunday I'd go out with my friends' family and the next weekend my friend would come out with mine which gave my mum the chance to do the chores when I wasn't there and vice versa.

EnjoyEngland and some web searches might turn up suitable, free-to-cheap activities that could be done on those days.

But of course, if you're looking to spend as much time with your children as possible then this might not be a viable solution either.

PasturesNew

What are you struggling to get done - and why. Maybe there's something you don't need to be doing at all (e.g. ironing pants).

Kimberley82

PasturesNew wrote: »

What are you struggling to get done - and why. Maybe there's something you don't need to be doing at all (e.g. ironing pants).

The food shop, cooking, cleaning, paper work, washing, I dont care if the house isnt always spotless or anything like that. Spending time with my children, my husband. Seeing my dad.

ejecoms

Hi,

Getting your shopping delivered should save some time and, for me, it makes me plan what meals we'll have over the week. I also batch cook at the weekend so during the week I can just take something out of the freezer and put some rice on to go with it. Can your husband and the kids help more? Although it sounds like your husband is working long hours, you are now back at work so would think he should start doing more. You could join the flylady thread on oldstyle too.

Jewel_2

Hello Kimberley!

Here's what works for us - I work full time too but I do have the option of after school homework club and use this, but we do have to get to clubs and things.

1. Invest in a slow cooker. Buy ready prepared casserole veg (frozen or fresh), meat, a mix, tin of tomatores. Whack it all in in the morning and there's your meal - you don't all even have to eat at the same time, it smells lovely when you come in, and it's cheap and not much washing up. You can also chuck some spuds in too. You can also do soups etc in it.

2. Get the stuff that needs ironing ironed by someone else. A few quid a week at tops. Everything else - do a load a day and make sure you fold it up etc.

3. Have a rota and everyone spends ten mins cleaning a room a night.

4. Do your supermarket shop on line.

5. Make big batches of chilli and freeze them. Buy 2 minute micro rice when it's on offer.

6. Buy a sack of spuds, loads of baked beans, use your chilli etc, that's quick to cook.

7. Pudding - lollies on special offer.

8. Loads of fruit, milk, breakfast bars. My DD very often has a glass of milk, an apple, a yogurt for breakfast and eats a brekkie bar in the car.

9. Homework - back from school, a snack, homework, dinner, shower. If they're going to clubs, try to do it another way around, lol, can't help you there, that's a killer. Do they need to go to all the clubs? Mine go to two a week.

I am the stressor of all full time working mums. I find it very tough but it just about works, keeping weekend virtually free except a couple of hours washing.

Delegate the paperwork - you're not superwoman and men can also do stuff! Just because you've been at home with the kids doesn't mean you are now.

Savvy_Sue

Kimberley82 wrote: »

I just feel its a never ending cycle of not getting everything done, maybe I just need to get used to it.

Indeed you do, also you need to prioritise: and people are more important than housework.

Kimberley82 wrote: »

The food shop,

internet shopping: takes getting into a routine of doing 'the list' a couple of days beforehand, and there's also a knack to picking your delivery slot at a time when someone's in to receive it and unpack.

Kimberley82 wrote: »

cooking,

involve the children and batch cook. I know that it takes longer for a child to peel veg than it does you, but if the eldest is 8 then they are more than capable, and if everyone has a veg peeler and a chopping board it doesn't take as long as it does for you to do it all.

Mum used to have a weekly 'bake' with each of us (5!) doing our own thing. Mine was a squidgy chocolate cake for which I wish I still had the recipe. Someone else always did cheese straws. Don't remember what the rest of us did. Grandma thought this must take longer than mum doing it herself, but as Mum said, she could do one thing quicker than any of us, but she couldn't do all 5 things faster on her own.

This also allows you to spend time with the children.

Kimberley82 wrote: »

cleaning,

Quentin Crisp was right.

There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse.
Quentin Crisp

If you're not up for that, again, involve the children. Teach them: If you get it out, put it back. If you spill it, clean up. And if YOU need help, you get them to give it.

Kimberley82 wrote: »

paper work,

That's a bit more tricky. Can your DH help out with that at all? Especially if there are phone calls to be made, which presumably he can more easily make than you!

Kimberley82 wrote: »

washing,

Again, any school child can load and unload a washing machine, hang up wet washing, extract their own clothes from the dry pile, put their own clothes away etc. You can make a game of it: tip all the clean clothes onto the bed and see who can find all their own stuff first! you may need to check what's left behind, and just make sure that Fred hasn't stolen Daisy's socks. BTW, over time make sure that everyone has distinctive socks: we had black for one boy, grey for another, and white sports socks (his choice) for another.

Kimberley82 wrote: »

I dont care if the house isnt always spotless or anything like that.

And I was glad you didn't mention ironing. Highly over-rated activity.

Kimberley82 wrote: »

Spending time with my children, my husband. Seeing my dad.

Can your dad come to you? One of my siblings asks Mum over sometimes but says "I'll be doing my ironing / mending / preparing veg for the next few days" and they chat while the jobs get done.

BTW, these are counsels of perfection. My house is a tip, my boys weren't a great help although they are entirely competent, and they never really appreciated the communal veg preparation. They still had to do it sometimes though!