Lending to daughter

C_Mababejive

Kick her out.

I will rent her room and pay you £350 per month

sweetilemon

pinkarsenalprincess wrote: »

I am incredibly cynical. She could have gone crying to mum because she knows that in the past it would get her more money.

I agree that is probably why she originally approached her mum but now when her mum has said she cant have anymore money she has two options - sort her financies or continue getting into debt so to resolve the problem she needs to plan and budget while her living costs are still low.

System

She's going to have to learn the hard way. At uni my parents bailed me out to a degree, but then I had to stop and say no more. So i used what inheritance i had, and the money i'd saved years for driving lessons and paid off my debts myself. Definitely try the old style board as they will have ways to help her cut down on spending. Cut up the credit cards and put her in touch with a debt advice line so she can sort out a repayment plan asap.

Nine_Lives

I don't mean this in any disrespectful way, so i hope you don't take it as such - but you sound just like my mother - a soft touch. That isn't a bad thing, it's just my mothers & possibly your, nature. All you want to do is help, but some times helping ends up harming, even if you can't see it.

I blew all my money as a 16yr old - £1000s i'd saved. Once i saw it gone, it woke me up & i've saved since then. I'm 27 now.
My sister doesn't earn, yet she saves what she's got. She's 19.
My brother is 18 & has to ask me to transfer some of his wages or he'll blow the lot. He's recently got a car & is now spending more than he earns on fuel.

My mum constantly bails him out with £5 here, £10 there etc.

In the long run what is this teaching him about life? ............. that if you get in debt & can't afford, then it doesn't really matter as someone will "help" you out, meaning you'll owe them & if your habit spirals out of control, you may never be able to pay them back .... and then the relationship breaks down if we start talking serious figures.



My gf admits she gets a buzz out of spending - no matter how much, how little, be it online or in store, she gets a buzz. Your daughter sounds like she could possibly be similar? (My gf also racked up silly C/C bills beore she met me, yet through helping her managing her money (not giving her money) she has cleared all of this).


Top & bottom is, you need to stop lending money. Even just £1 here & there. Stop lending & STICK TO IT. It's the only way she'll learn i'm afraid.

BillTrac

Don't bail her out. But advise her NOT to go for any loans so she doesn't dig herself in deeper.

Too many threads on here where someone has taken out a so-called short term loan. Only to find they cannot pay it back and the interest goes through the roof meaning an even bigger debt.

Can you sit down with her and go through her finances? Maybe work with her to enable her to control her outgoings and help her see where it's going wrong.

Get her to keep a diary and record every single thing she buys, no matter how small. Then help her see that some things she doesn't need, or has paid over the odds for.

Good luck, and also to your daughter

Gothicfairy

Sit down with her and work out what is coming in and what is going out. Help her to get a budget plan sorted and support her in sticking to it but as others have said........The bank of mum has to shut.

lilac_lady

Don't give her any more money (because they've not been loans as she hasn't paid you anything back so far) and contact credit reference agencies so that she isn't linked to you creditwise because you live at the same address.

Hermanmunster_2

With Kids it seems “never lend them what you wouldn’t be repaired to give them anyway” .If they do pay you back it’s a bonus but if they don’t you have mentally expected the loss anyway.


I find this sort of situation happens .You lend them money for a "must have" item like car or collage fees and they take it and spend it as they have requested .

Then you find they have booked a holiday or bought a large flat screen TV with other money they had earmarked for "their wants". What a wheeze we are suckers as parents!

gazfocus

When I was 18, I got whatever credit I could and blew the lot and struggled to repay it all. My mum and dad refused to help me and although I hated them for it at the time, it's the best thing they ever did as it taught me that I don't want to be in debt anymore. Granted, it didn't help me to budget and I still often get to the end of the month with very few pennies, but at least I'm only spending what money comes in and not blowing money that I haven't got.

The consequences became very real for me when I started thinking about buying a house. With even a mark on a credit rating at the moment and you've got no chance.

Be strong and don't give your daughter more money. She'll thank you for it one day.

msgnomey

I agree with all that has been said, suggest she gets some help for either CAB to do a budget/repayment plan or one of the debt charities. She'll thank you in the long run