Shaking hands; is there a painless alternative without seeming impolite?

LameWolf

Hello, all.

I wonder, does anyone else find that if they have to shake hands with someone, they end up feeling as though their hand has been mangled?

I am finding this an increasing problem, and have on several occasions let out an involuntary yelp of pain, despite bracing myself and trying not to yelp, if that makes sense.

I'm wondering, how does one avoid having to shake hands without appearing impolite?

I was toying with the idea of, on being introduced to someone, placing my hands together in front of me and performing a slight bow - does that seem too quirky?

Does anyone else have this problem, and if so, how do you get around it?

I get very stressed if I have to deal with other people at the best of times, and this, minor though it may be, and amusing as it may seem to someone who doesn't suffer in this way, isn't helping any.

Bean_Counter

The bow thing is a bit too quirky for me, I must admit. Why not take your left hand and turn it round to shake someone else's right hand. I have come across this a couple of times and just think that person must have some sort of hand injury or something (although one time he didn't have a right hand as it turned out.)

LameWolf

Bean_Counter wrote: »

The bow thing is a bit too quirky for me, I must admit. Why not take your left hand and turn it round to shake someone else's right hand. I have come across this a couple of times and just think that person must have some sort of hand injury or something (although one time he didn't have a right hand as it turned out.)

Unfortunately, that would be just as bad. I have severe arthritic pain in both hands, and often even have to ask my husband not to hold my hand as it hurts too much. The whole idea is to avoid the physical contact.

GobbledyGook

Honestly, I would just say something like "Forgive me, my arthritis makes it exceptionally painful to shake hands. It's lovely to meet you/Well done or whatever you'd normally say whilst shaking hands."

I certainly wouldn't think the person rude or anything. I'd much rather that than be embarrassed if I accidentally hurt someone by shaking their hand.

Bean_Counter

GobbledyGook wrote: »

Honestly, I would just say something like "Forgive me, my arthritis makes it exceptionally painful to shake hands. It's lovely to meet you/Well done or whatever you'd normally say whilst shaking hands."

I certainly wouldn't think the person rude or anything. I'd much rather that than be embarrassed if I accidentally hurt someone by shaking their hand.

In that case I agree with this post entirely.

GilbertGradgrind

I find that I can, except for the most insistent of people, manage to avoid shaking hands by giving a kind of a Gallic shrug. Turning your palms slightly forward and upwards to the person you are greeting and lean very slightly in towards their personal space. This tends to avoid a handshake while allowing someone to extend their hand. It is also quite open and easy to undertand body language. But beware, if you are doing it to decieve it is more likely to show you up as dissembling.

Practice a shrug as a big, slow, exaggerated move from the shoulders and tilt your head slightly to one side as you smile and tilt a little forwards. Your left is best - it is the side that people extend their right hand towards you with. Smile and greet them and smile again. (avoid huge smiles - they make you appear medicated). Time it right and you can withdraw your hand without anybody being embarassed - you just thanked them for their good manners in wanting to shake your hand with a smile.

It does not always work. But for people who are capable of understanding body language - which includes most people except autists and aggressive A-Type Personalities - this is a reasonably acceptable way of greeting. To onlookers it frequently looks as though you have shaken hands because your hand extends and their hand extends. You keep control of hand contact as shrugging takes the hand out of the handshake area of your body. You can choose to leave your hand available if you so wish.

Of course, for those who destest France or continental culture, a shrug seems lazy, slightly insulting or too casual. Combined with shaking hands goodbye - rather than hello - it allows you to bring your arthritic joints into the conversation - enabling the other person to demonstrate their politeness by not grabbing your hand at all.

Invalidation

Bean_Counter wrote: »

The bow thing is a bit too quirky for me, I must admit. Why not take your left hand and turn it round to shake someone else's right hand.

Just dont do that if the other person is an arab :(

clemmatis

GobbledyGook wrote: »

Honestly, I would just say something like "Forgive me, my arthritis makes it exceptionally painful to shake hands. It's lovely to meet you/Well done or whatever you'd normally say whilst shaking hands."

I certainly wouldn't think the person rude or anything. I'd much rather that than be embarrassed if I accidentally hurt someone by shaking their hand.

I think this is right, and when I had acute RSI, I simply told people. (If I knew I'd be expected to shake hands at a formal meeting and it was possible to mention the situation beforehand, I'd do that. That worked really well.) Some people will insist on shaking hands anyway, unfortunately.

Splints help enormously!

Lamewolf, do just say something about it. Don't put up with the pain or try to find an alternative, a smile is fine!

Savvy_Sue

I was going to suggest Gallic kissing ... Although you do need to know if it's one, two or three kisses you're exchanging. :rotfl:

Since I'm fairly sure you won't much like that idea either, LW, I'm completely with GobbledyGook: say something! There are people who don't shake hands for religious reasons too, it's not compulsory!

lynzpower

I have a hand injury to my right hand and shaking hands with someone is really painful, it seems to take days for it to feel ok. I have had a few interviews over the last few months and its not been appropriate to say anything and smetimes I have naturally done it and really grimaced - not a good look!
nothing really to add, but im glad you raised this, im going to get another splint asap

i feel your pain