How to Uninvite A Guest...?

*Paris*

Hi everyone,

I have a bit of a dilemma, I'm getting married in Italy next year, and an ex work colleague basically jumped on the idea saying they'd love to come to the wedding and make a holiday of it at the same time (I didn't actually invite them).

Although I was really flattered that this person would come all the way to Italy, I am having my doubts as to whether they should be a guest....

Initially my fiance and I wanted 20 guests (immediate family and best friends), that has now risen to 30.

This person is not really a close friend, and somehow always manages to offend me by making judgements about single mums (my mum was a single mum) and saying ''oh, I don't mean like your mum''.

Also when I have said how much we are trying to save for the wedding, they said ''oh well, except for your brand new car!'', and the car is 4 years old, we bought it 2 years ago.

Considering the cost of the meal per head (I'd be paying for this person, plus their boyfriend) and some of the negative comments, and also the fact it's close friends and family as guests.....I'm wondering it it possible to somehow politely uninvite this person?

Has anyone had this situation before? I really don't want to massively offend this person, but at the same time, I'm not really happy to have them as a guest...argh!!

Now I'm seeing why people say ''weddings are so stressful''....I didn't realise before!

Kizzy001

the best way is to tell them head on that there not wanted! .. or you could be more tactful and say that the choosen venue can only accomadate so many people and you have to cut a few people from the guest list, including her and that you are ever so sorry...

viclspence

Have you sent her an official invitation with the full details of where it is and stuff, cos if not then she isn't invited until she gets it!

*Paris*

I feel like I'm being a cow!

I haven't sent official invites out yet, I have sent save the dates to everyone (but not this person). This person doesn't know any of the other guests, so they won't know the save the dates have been sent out.

It's really awkwad as I'm not assertive and I hate upsetting people. I'd be upset if I thought I was going to a wedding and got told I wasn't invited...eeek!

I think I am going to have to go down the budget route....I don't know why, but this girl thinks I have a huge diposable income (totally not true), so I'm not sure whether she will believe that as a valid reason.

The cost is 50% of the reason I don't want her there (we really want to treat our guests as they're travelling abroad, and we want great food and we want to pay for their drinks, so it's not going to be cheap, but that's why we wanted close friends and family only)

The other 50% is just I feel like she's a bit of a negative person, and a bit jealous, and I don't want to be worrying about her feelings/comments on my wedding day. I want everyone to be relaxed and happy and none of these horrible comments like you hear on that 'Four Weddings' programme!

maggie111

You're being cruel by not saying something as early as you can. Next time the wedding comes up (do not confront them directly) just say that you're glad to be having a small family affair. Should they then insinuate that includes them just say that you're sorry - you're priveledged they would consider coming and spending the holiday time and cost for your wedding but it is a small affair with no work colleagues being invited.

And then don't mention the wedding, and when you're plans are being discussed change conversation, reiterate that it's a small do and that you're not bothered. Don't keep rubbing it in this person's face that they can't go.

tartantotty

I would just mention casually in conversation something out it being a small family wedding, and although you would love to have lots of people there, due to space and budget its not possible, and that you know people will be understanding and not offended if they don't get an invite...........or words to that effect.

We have a similar issue in that we have limited space at out venue and I know find well that there will be people who get all mardy cos they don't get invited, but to be honest, I am past caring! Those who are really important to H2B and I will be there, and thats what matters.:)

thebettingbride

I'd say first things first get into the mindset that you're not actually uninviting them as they were never invited in the first place, and you shouldn't be made to feel as though you're doing anything wrong when they (inevitably) get upset about you not inviting them. Also if they do get offended - which I'm sure they will regardless of how tactful and considerate you try to be - try not to feel bad, they're the ones who've caused this situation to happen by (quite rudely imo) presuming to be invited. I guess the least confrontational method would be saying there are limited guest numbers at your venue, seeing as she doesn't seem to believe your finances. But I'll say again - if she's the type of person I think she is she'll probably get insulted no matter what you say or do, expect it as inevitable and try not to worry too much, you're not the one who's in the wrong.

Sambucus_Nigra

Stop worrying about it.

Don't invite her or tell her any more detail about the wedding.

If she is ever rude enough to ask; just say its close friends and family at the wedding, you thought they were just kidding as they insult you all the time and of course they are free to visit Italy whenever they want regardless of which random colleague is getting married there.

Then make a cup of tea and refuse to answer any more queries about it as you are 'terribly busy'.

p.s....if she says 'why did you invite me then? say 'I didn't - you invited yourself and I honestly thought you were kidding around as it was never on the cards'.

987654

Have they booked flights/ hotel yet?

ncv2

I agree you are not uninviting her because she was never invited.

She is in the wrong here not you so there is no reason for you to feel bad. However I can see that you are a good person, you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings so you do feel bad.

It doesn't really seem like you are friends with this person, ex- co worker and all, plus she tends to offend you! I personally would distance myself as much as possible. Unfreind on FB, stop answering texts etc. Then if you happen to see her on the street at Tesco etc don't mention the wedding, and jet off. If it does come up she phone you etc then say I'm so sorry but we decided we only could afford 20 people which is our family and 5 bffs etc. We really want an intimate wedding. I really appreciate your interest and well wishes. Then RUN!

Good luck.

*Paris*

Thanks for the advice everyone, I'm being a wimp as I know I don't want her to be at the wedding really, and I need to bite the bullet and just tell her (in the nicest way possible!).

I do feel a bit like she's caused this by inviting herself, but at the same time, I hate upsetting people.

I think she will be upset no matter how nicely I put it, and that's why I've been putting it off and putting it off!

I'm going to brave and just let her know, as I agree the sooner I let her know the better....

Wish me luck