Parenting OS tips

Queenie

Jumps wrote:

I couldn't agree more.
Routine is definately the key.
I had my DS in a routine from day one and now at nearly 3 he knows exactly what happens and when it happens and is never a problem when it comes to bedtime. I also have a 9 month old DD and I have done exactly the same with her. Many of my friends think that I am harsh not letting them stay up to watch TV but I know that every evening by 6.30pm the evening is for DH and I...

If that is harsh, then bring it on!!! :rotfl:

Louisa - which aspects of OS'ing are you finding it difficult to incorporate into your daily life/around work? Could you be more specific, then maybe we could offer ways/techniques to help you? As you'll see from posts, the term OS'ing means different things to different people and covers a broad range of ideas/activities, so do share what your aims are and why it's difficult so we can pool ideas

weegie_2

What a great thread. I've just been reading through it all. I've been struggling with my 5 year old and it's getting worse. I think because I work full time, come home and its easier to give him a treat than have a battle. He's constantly coming home with new toys from Grans (they are only from the pound shops she says) and I think it's getting worse and worse.

When I think of the way I was raised.......! toys on birthdays and christmas only! treats rarely (usually a Friday night). What am I doing....


I'm gonna speak to hubby tonight. Had enough.

joannasmum

Hi

I'm another stickler for routine. Since watching "Honey were Killing the Kids" (web link here) just after DD was born I've been trying to live by the rules. This thread has reminded me that the TV is being on far to long at the moment so from today no more than an hour during the day.

Queenie

weegie wrote:

What a great thread. I've just been reading through it all. I've been struggling with my 5 year old and it's getting worse. I think because I work full time, come home and its easier to give him a treat than have a battle. .... What am I doing....
I'm gonna speak to hubby tonight. Had enough.

I think you've hit the nail on the head with that particular sentence. At some point in time the English language has been turned around (this isn't personal, but my observation on the principle of your sentence).

If you stated that sentence another way, ie: ".. because I work full time, come home knackered, it's takes less energy/stress/easier to spoil him than to 'parent' and discipline".

What our Grannies would have called "spoiling", these days is called "treating". But, as the old saying goes: "A rose by any other name, still smells as sweet".

It really is soooooooo hard on parents today to do the right thing in many respects. The cost of living is such that most women aren't able to spend the time with their children that they'd wish to do; they are positively encouraged to hand over their child to "childcare"; they are then made to feel guilty if they are not "good" parents with statements such as "I blame the parent" - "If that were *my* child .... " etc., etc.
There's the materialistic subtle competition going on outside the school gate too of best clothes/toys/mobiles, spent this much on this trip/car/house/sofa ... I've heard countless times "Oh God the kids on holidays, can't wait til they go back to school" ... yet you rarely hear *those* parents saying: "I spent 20hrs teaching my child how to swim/do woodwork/sew/cook/playing footie/barbie/actionman/listening to them read/telling them stories/exploring the woods".

To a certain extent, it's almost as though parents have reached a point where they are "scared" to parent their children.

Louisa_2

This thread is getting deeeep

Weegie don't feel bad about it, I really sympathise with how you feel. I work full time too (well, 34 hours over four days plus bits and pieces at home so might as well be full time) and totally get what you mean.

What I find really hard is the mental "switch" that you need when you walk in the door, from work mode (where someone else is the boss and I don't need to make the really important decisions) to mummy mode (where I am the boss and do need to make the important decisions). Don't even get me started on the shift between being mummmy and then sex kitten/queen of the bedroom cos that is just toooooo difficult to master sometimes

It's really hard!

What I have found really helps is totally focusing on my son when I get home. I found it so easy to think "blimey I'm knackered please just let me have a bit of peace and quiet" but now the time between work and his bedtime is completely for him. And it's wonderful. I might still be knackered but there isn't that nagging guilt all the time, and that tainted the rest of my evenings/weekends.

Just an idea. http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk is a great place for tips/support.

Good luck, hope hubby is supportive- let us know how you get on.

broomstick27

I must confess that im not actually working full time at the moment - in fact i am job hunting. The reason ds is in nursery full time is
a) it took us ages to get the place while i was at uni and if i took him out we'd lose it so when I do get a job (please please let it be soon) we'd have a bit of a problem
b) ds loves it there - he even gets upset for a bit on a saturday when he isnt allowed to go and see his friends - don't know if that says more about nursery or us!)

So yes at the moment i have plenty of time to be OS. I am trying to get into routines that will work when i get a job though ie. quick tidy up before bed/ on waking., baking the weeks bread at the weekend and freezing etc. but its all very well in theory!

broomie

Queenie

Deleted_User wrote:

This thread is getting deeeep

Weegie don't feel bad about it, I really sympathise with how you feel. I work full time too (well, 34 hours over four days plus bits and pieces at home so might as well be full time) and totally get what you mean.

What I find really hard is the mental "switch" that you need when you walk in the door, from work mode (where someone else is the boss and I don't need to make the really important decisions) to mummy mode (where I am the boss and do need to make the important decisions). Don't even get me started on the shift between being mummmy and then sex kitten/queen of the bedroom cos that is just toooooo difficult to master sometimes

It's really hard! .. .

Yes, isn't it!! :T

When I was a single parent with 3 young children (all born in less than 3yrs of one another) and working 2 different jobs (and a part time course as well at one point) what I ended up doing was taking 3 mins sat in the car, doing some deep breathing exercises and using positive affirmations - that helped me to make the switch and feel a bit less jaded around the edges. At one job, the car didn't feature, so it was a case of using the ladies room Of course we had a routine which was a life saver because an established routine can be done on automaton.

My youngest two don't have TV's or playstations in their rooms - but then, neither do I! Only the other week someone offered me a TV for them and I thanked but declined their offer. Yes, it may sound Draconian, but then I have explained to them why it won't be so. Actually, they have seen living evidence of why it can be detrimental. Their Dad came from a family where TV ruled their world - at one point, there was a TV in almost every room here, it is a relationship/communication killer! - in a fit of PMT one day, I cut the plug of the main TV because things were getting completely out of hand! We're now back to one TV, in the main lounge. It's not on 24/7, we discuss and compromise on what we are going to watch and when and have heaps of fun doing other things instead.

A similiar situation was developing with the Playstation and we traded that in (in agreement with the lads) and at the beginning of this year used the funds from the trade in for DS's instead. They play on those mainly when I'm not around ie: Dad uses them as a babysitter :rolleyes: I can truthfully and honestly say that their temprement improved almost immediately, they were less stressed, their school work has improved, they are more sociable and we are out and about far more than previously.

I never wanted my lads to be TV/Game addicts and it was reaching a point where they were in danger of becoming just that. I have no regrets in the changes in our lifestyle because the rewards far outweigh the initial retraining teething problems. Equally, it works because I'm not hypocritial about it. I only spend limited time on the computer too and some days, no time at all.

Oh and on a selfish level, we did go through a few programmes of Supernanny, Honey We're Killing The Kids and You Are What You Eat as a discussion basis, so they realised that, contrary to their Dad's opinion, I wasn't some weird freak with whacky outmoded ideas and others existed in this world who shared my own upbringing, perceptions and opinions.

Yours sincerely
"Weird freak with whacky outmoded ideas" :laugh: :whistle:

scaredy_cat_2

with my 3 1/2 dd i just say 'mummies and daddies let their children do/have different things and we don't do/have that' She seems to accept this cos no means no and it is also accepted for behaviour. I also relate it to the nice things - some people don't go on holiday/walks/have smoothies! so she just accepts that families do different things. I just hope she continues to accept it!

weegie_2

Queenie - agree with your reply! It is so hard on parents today. Will have to start the deep breath thing in the car before I go into the house!

Onwards and upwards I say. Have recently fallen off the old style wagon when it comes to cooking/shoppng etc and vowed to pick myself up -which I did last night....highlight was making pancakes with son. And it's the same with the parenting. I'm letting things slip because I'm saying to myself 'I'm too busy, I work full time'...when all I need to do is turn the TV off and build in some quality time with my kids and so some more routine things. Also make some agreements with them re treats etc.

And thanks Louisa for the web address - I'll give that a shot!

I'm sure if I give it a few weeks I'll see some changes!

Louisa_2

Weegie saw you other post on "falling off the wagon", think that we might be living the same life as I could have written that one too!
One thing that I know doesn't help me is getting so engrossed in the OS board whilst ds is having his nap that i don;t get anything done...so I'm off to put that cake in the oven