Parenting OS tips

Queenie

Routine, routine, routine! It seems to be an old fashioned concept these days but it's the most valuable piece of advice I was given!

Water with meals; if your child is brought up with this as the norm, you won't have the battle (or cost!) of the sugary drinks

Teach your children the value of the local library! Amazing how many of my lads peers don't use it, but as we have always been regular users, my lads use it frequently.

Do involve them with all aspects of housework/cooking and call them "life skills". All five of my children were given their own tasks to do on a regular basis. We all make the mess, therefore we all muck in together and sort it. The earlier you start, the sooner it becomes a way of life rather then a "chore" .
Age Appropriate Chores

Age Appropriate Chores #2

Rewards: Forget spending out on the latest toys/craze ... give them lots and lots of hugs, praise, one to one time, play games with them (good old fashioned board games/card/word/number games). It's the greatest "investment" you'll make!

thriftlady_2

Establish a 'presents only for birthdays and Christmas' rule. It seemed obvious to me, as that's how it was when I was a child, but I know lots of parents who buy their children presents for no apparent reason. Children will have no sense of the specialness of the occasion if presents are heaped on them any old time.

My kids get £1 a week pocket money which is sometimes supplemented by grannies, they have learnt to save up for things they want

Peem

Hi

I agree with all these things (ie sweets on a friday, no toys apart from christmas/birthday and the odd special occasion) - and try to carry them out.

What's hard is that MIL looks after them 2 (3) days a week. "It's only a cheap toy from the pound shop" " But they like juice" "It's only a small bag of sweets" "They do love the television" is what I hear when I pick them up. And I don't pick them up very often. DH does this and he doesn't notice/care about these things. (He's a one an only and was spoiled rotten - still can't wash dishes properly!)

And she thinks Pizza is healthy - it has veggies on it. And no it's not HM pizza.

Good grief. I feel unfair because these things wouldn't annoy me from my mum, but that's because they hardly see them. (The live 250 miles away)

I just keep on and hope that as they get older (and spend less time there once they're at school) things will get better.

Queenie - thanks for the chores post. I try to get them to do chores - but again DH doesn't back me up (I love him but he is the laziest man on the planet) It's hard when what I want to say is "I don't want them to turn out like you". But I don't mean in every way.

I just feel sabotaged.

Yet they're always surprised at how polite they both are and how they still love their mum even though she's strict with them.

Don't mean to hijack the thread but has anyone got any experience with this kind of thing?

(I am grateful to her for taking care of them - it's saved us a fortune in childcare over the years)

blessings3

Agree with all the above - still striving to impliment some of them consistantly!
Queenie has him it on the head for me though with the routines thing - I do flylady for myslef and now my husband has gone to UNI have started routines with the kids - still doing babysteps but we no longer have any cross words in the mornings as everthing ready and have a set time for homework and even for reading/writing practice with the littles which used to get overlooked alot in a busy life

Queenie

Peem wrote:

...
What's hard is that MIL looks after them 2 (3) days a week. "It's only a cheap toy from the pound shop" " But they like juice" "It's only a small bag of sweets" "They do love the television" is what I hear when I pick them up. ... And she thinks Pizza is healthy - it has veggies on it. And no it's not HM pizza.
....I try to get them to do chores - but again DH doesn't back me up ..... I just feel sabotaged.
Yet they're always surprised at how polite they both are and how they still love their mum even though she's strict with them.

Don't mean to hijack the thread but has anyone got any experience with this kind of thing?

:think: You've got a couple of issues going on here.
1) Your MIL
2) Your dh

The first one, isn't too much of an issue really. The bottom line is, she is their Grandmother who happens to be their 'carer' for a couple of days a week. I'd say, the 'boundaries' are pretty clear cut if you boil it all down: A Grandparent is permitted to spoil their G/children And that is how you explain/justify the differences in her household to your own if/when the children come out with "but Nan/Gran let's us!". Fortunately, she isn't doing anything too drastically damaging (ie, isn't encouraging them to take drugs/smoke/commit crime) and it's *her* way of 'loving' them. Deep breaths, Peem, grin and bare it ((hugs)) When they begin school, I'm assuming they'll still see her and she'll still continue in her way just at a reduced level. They will have fond memories to cherish of times spent at her house and ultimately, that is what children should have of their Grandparents.

Your DH is another matter (IMO). He is their parent and you both need to be singing from the same song sheet!
I can empathise with the "I don't want them to turn out like you" comment :rotfl: But you don't even need to say it that way You could use other, less potent, justifications. Perhaps you could promote the benefits of giving them regular tasks around the house with buzz words such as "life skills/sense of responsibility/team work/move with the times/instil a work ethos/teaching them independance? Which ever ones will tick a box in his head. It gets harder to involve the children the older they get and they will always reach a point of saying "none of my friends have to wash up/do jobs around the house".
If he feels *he* can't/won't give them tasks to do, the least you should aim for is for him to agree that he won't sabotage *your* attempts to do it.

The way the world is going, chances are you'll still have your children living at home well into their 20's, and if anything happened to you (Heaven forbid!) would *he* still want/expect to be cleaning up behind them/doing their laundry? Methinks he wouldn't

Do establish a joint parenting plan so that you are both singing from the same song sheet. Have a watch of Supernanny and notice just how often the parents are the one's SN has to take to task, simply because they are contradicting one another's parenting style rather than complimenting each other's parenting style and how that in itself is one of the causes for children's behaviour clashes

And nope, I'm not at all surprised that your children are polite and love their Mum You're doing a great job! :T :T

blessings3

Queenie such good advice!

After years in sales and marketing I have found with DH and Kids so much of it is in the presentation ! You have to sex it up lol

inkie

ONe of the things that I think is OS parenting - is having a fixed sensible bedtime - the amount of kinds in my DD1s class who are allowed to roam the streets at all hours is atrocious. No wonder they are all falling asleep in class!

Queenie

inkie wrote:

ONe of the things that I think is OS parenting - is having a fixed sensible bedtime - the amount of kinds in my DD1s class who are allowed to roam the streets at all hours is atrocious. No wonder they are all falling asleep in class!

Completely agree! That's what I meant about 'routine'. I've never understood the "roam the streets" til all hours aspect of parenting myself

broomstick27

Having read the post about starting them early on housework i thought 'yes i really should start getting ds (21/2) to do some chores and clicked the link. Well he does everything on the 2-3 list and quite a bit from 3-4 as well! guess he has been brought up well (not that i can take credit for this since i dump him at nursery 5 days a week!)

MimiF

Definitely agree with Queenie on the routine and as for bedtimes, cannot believe how many youngsters are in the supermarket at 9pm!! They must be unteachable!

We have Saturday sweets, have had for a couple of years as we were sick of being asked when we went to the shops. They occasionally have some that are dished out for kids birthdays at school (hate this :mad: ) and after parties etc but they know that is a one off and they must share them with sibling, cousin, me on way home!!

Need to start establishing a homework routine for DS, I'm not a great believer in homework so early (he's 8) as I think we start schooling too early in this country anyway but thats a whole different matter!! But it will be a good habit for him to get into. Shall out my thinking cap on for that one.

As for chores, they love to help and do most of the chores in Queenies list too and they appreciate having a clean tidy house and know they help with that.

MimiF