Sons mate has let him down!

gilly41

Hi
My son was going to share a house with a mate of his---for the past 6 weeks he has been asking my son to share. My son lives with his dad(hes nearly 21) and his dad is selling up. The house is on the market but no viewers yet! His mate has had my son looking all over---and finally decided to get the ball rolling on one they saw yesterday! Then, this morning he tells him he cant afford it! I honestly dont know why he didnt work his money out properly beforehand!He has been asking my son for weeks to share with him. Anyhow, at least he knows now and he hadnt paid the fee to get the credit check done etc! My son is now thinking what he can do----he cant afford to rent on his own but doesnt want to move back in with us. I have told him he can come back here but he says he has had 4 years living on his own(his dad hasnt really been there as he stays at his girlfriends ---he is selling up to pay his ex wife off). He has been away at Uni and in holidays lived there! Long story, but suffice to say at 17 he thought it would be a better option than living by my rules LOL.
I cant really think of an alternative---he really does like to come and go as he pleases but as you appreciate he has had the run of his dads house and he has got used to it!
Thanks for any advice
x

Imelda

Hi gilly41,

What has your son decided to do about uni? (I have got the right person haven't I?)

I take it his Dad is going to move in with his girlfriend once the house has been sold?

Could your son go into a house share? They're not for everyone (and he's probably already done it at uni) but they are a cheap way of living. Whereabouts is he looking? Maybe he would move in with you for a little while he is looking and can see for himself that you're not a prison warden!

victory

are there any other of his mates in the same position he could ask? Could his dad not help him with an initial deposit,3 months worth of rent perhaps to set him up, so he is in and then he can look around for his own tenants?

Sally14

He could consider renting just a room in a house share – it would mean sharing with strangers but they could become new friends! Try some letting agents.

pudding06

he's been living 'on his own' since 17? It will be difficult for him to come back after so long.

mine are 23, 22, 20 and 18 and only one the 22 yr old is out on his own( with GF)

my eldest left home at 19 for 9 mths and then came back -= knows where his breads buttered - now cant get any of them to leave!!!

It is a big problem for young uns - my DS2 pays £375 pmth for a tiny flat in a sh*t area. but he's with gf so he's happy.

only option really for your son will be to share with a friend. He could put his name dwon with the council when homeless but slim chance of getting anything.

pudds

gilly41

LOL not a prison warden!!! But he would have to live by some rules as you appreciate and he has got sooo used to doing as he pleases! OH works long hours so I have explained he couldnt roll in at 2 in the morning and start watching TV ---the sort of things he has just got used to!
He has left Uni, and in all fairness, has found himself quite a good job! I do think though he is having "doubts" as to whether he has done the right thing with Uni but he can always go back-he graduates in December when he gets his Foundation Degree----I tried to persuade him but at nearly 21 there is only so much you can do as a parent!
Yes, I think his dad is moving in with his girlfriend---I think he would have let his son have the house to rent off him but his ex wife(not me!) is putting pressure on him to get her share of the profit!
x

annie-c

I moved back home for 6 months after uni until I got settled. It was a bit weird - not being able to have boyfriends over, etc, but I was grateful to have somewhere cheap to live an just kept my eye fixed on the future.

It is really kind of you to be so concerned for your son, but I guess he will have to just make the best decision from the options open to him. Friends do come and go and let you down sometimes and it's a part of being independednt. He seems lucky to me (as I was) to have the option of moving in with mum available to him. Either he takes it and respects your rules or he pays the significantly higher price of renting alone. If he really wants to rent alone then I second the idea of looking into the possibility of renting a single room (ie his own contract) within a landlord operated house-share.

Johnhowell

pudding06 wrote:

my eldest left home at 19 for 9 mths and then came back -= knows where his breads buttered - now cant get any of them to leave!!!

pudds

Start increasing the rent to each of them to "real" world prices, extras such as food, laundery service, cleaning of rooms. They treat it like a hotel - charge them hotel rates :-) Of course, this depends on each of their circumstances - still in education, out of work, etc.

This may encourage them to fly the nest...

My girlfriends two (20, 23) have left home because of rules and rent ("rent, but it is home") - both wish they were home now.

Good luck,
John

gilly41

Thanks for all the replies---they are really helpful!
x

kathyd_2

How about asking the girlfriend to move in with him? Perhaps between the two of them they could manage, particularly if they have a look at the money saving old style threads

Do you have a garden? Perhaps he could pitch a tent if he wants a place of his own :rotfl:

lynsayjane

like your son i moved out at 17 and i would never move back unless forced at gunpoint. now thats not to say i want to be away from my mum etc, but i was always so independent i suppose it was inevitable. by 20 i had bought a flat (moved in two weeks and six days later) and i've never been happier.

my little sister on the other hand, is now 23 and a half, has moved out on her own to rented accomodation (once with a friend and once on her own) and has lasted neither longer than a year. she is once again back at my mums and pretty much not shifting. we have a joke that once i put mum in an old folks home we'll have to get a 'granny' flat on the back for my sis :rotfl: my mum's actually planning (all in her head like!) an extension so when my sister gets married there'll be room for a fourth!

she needn't worry though...if that happens my stepdad is moving out :rotfl: