help !

debtmess

really don't know where to start and where to go from here

little bit of background info

split from ex (husband) back in 2007 when we split we was in debt so it was agreed he would pay half going rate of maintenance for our 3 boys and pay off the debts we owed together, he wrote this all in a letter which went to the various people/places who needed it all ok'ed it etc

fast forward until now

debts of mine all remain unpaid (being delt with throughout courts as a fanatical order being made on advice of my solicitor), he was earning around £1800 a month (army)

he has always messed around with maintenance, last time we went to court they had it put in an order he was to see them at least one weekend a month (he doesn't always bother) ring them every thursday and pay £250 a month maintenance (i didn't want to be screwing him for everything even though from his wage slips he should have been paying over £400)

fair enough he has left army after 22 years but has found another job thats not badly paid 7 or so weeks ago now
last month i got £75 from him, ok he hadn't been paid iykwim so told me he had nothing (then went out when he has the boys over a month ago showing off buying them expensive toys i cannot afford to buy so all the boys think he is great !)

this month nothing ! i have tried asking nicely its been put off put off put off

he is averaging around 1400 a month by my workings (going on what he said when he first told me he was working and the fact he gets around 550 a month in a pension) lives with his gf and her 11/12 year old child

is it worth me now trying csa ? i really do not know what else to do, i cannot force him to see the boys more ring them more etc but his whole attitude is beyond me, im basically being accused of ripping him off and being greedy for asking him to support his children, if he had his way he would honestly walk away and pay and proivde nothing

clearingout

Yes. Go to the CSA. If he's in a job, they can deduct the money directly at source before he even sees it. It won't help the relationship between you but let's face it, you've given him 3 years to get his act together and he hasn't. Don't feel guilty about getting what is right for your children - if he can't be bothered to see them, he should be paying for them. That's a legal obligation but also very much a moral one.

gratefulforhelp_2

Quite right, he has had plenty of chances. forgive me for being thick, but has he paid off the agreed debts or did he renege on that?

debtmess

thank you, it will be 4 years febuary but the private arrangement not working, court order not working, were due back in court this month and tbh im dreading it, he is due to have them this weekend but right now i don't want to see or hear from him before were next in court, have to se solicitor next week so will update her and seek any additional advice

how do i go about making initial contact ? lots of forms to fill in ?, don't want to milk him dry but he has 3 children he hardly provides for yet has a recently new car, nice clothes, holidays, smokes and what not i probably sound bitter tonight im just angry, our 3 children have never had a holiday if i had a car i couldn't afford to run it

shell_542

Definitely. He's had more chances than deserved.

debtmess

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Quite right, he has had plenty of chances. forgive me for being thick, but has he paid off the agreed debts or did he renege on that?

nope paid nothing hence financial order being made at court against his pension and gratuity he has spent the last few months trying to get me to drop court cases etc, its been so long running as the first few times he didn't appear to court until a noticed was put on a court order if he didn't attend, he also didn't attend the initial contact/resendency hearing just said to courts via his solicitors that i could have the boys iykwim, when we met with cafcas (sure thats them i may have spelling wrong) that he couldn't commit to any regular contact even after he left the army, there are many more lies that he has given which will need to be brought up again as we had to share various infos with other partys he lied about future plans stating he had no gf at first (he still with the woman he cheated on me over) and claimed he wouldn't be moving in with her etc and he needed so much to rent blah blah blah and as soon as he left barracks he moved in with her and found work (he claimed he would be setting up in portsmouth and lives in wales !)

sorry im not sure how much of this is relevent

shell_542

I would go along with the contact as normal though, if the children want to see Dad. It wouldn't look favourable on you on court if he or they link the stopped contact to maintenance problems.

Try and limit contact with him. Maybe use a third party to do hand overs.

Loopy_Girl

On that wage - nonwithsanding any tax credits received in the house which can be used in the assessment - you are entitled to £297.50.

That's 25% for your boys less a 15% deduction for his g/f daughter.

Defo worth a call to CSA. His non contact is of his choosing but you have every right to claim maintenance from him.

debtmess

thank you x i would have trouble finding the 3rd party person iykwim, last time he had them he brought his mum up when he brought them back between the pair they made some awful comments over things

shell_542

If they do it again, write down what happened and contact your local police station to make a complaint. They should at least contact your ex and his Mother to warn them. Do you have a friend or family member who could just be with you at the time.

Are you going to mention it in court too? You don't have to put up with be spoken to in that manner on your doorstep or anywhere.

gratefulforhelp_2

You def need to keep issues of contact and CM separate, but don't worry that you are "bleeding him dry" he has had the children, he has to support them and from what you say you have been more than reasonable.

Maybe contact in a contact centre if he and his mother cannot behave properly at handover?