My embarrassing SOA...

MrsExhausted

Wow! a lot to think about.

We have considered the option of dh going part-time now. We hope his work will agree to a 10am-2pm day. One of the children is at preschool and won't start reception till September. i agree that we don't need a fulltime nanny - I just didn't know what other options there could be under the circumstances.The cost of childcare is her gross pay plus employer's NI. I haven't added the additional expense of room & board (am I legally allowed to make deductions?).

I have been assessed for direct payments (10 hours a week) and they used to allow me to spend £500 per month towards the nanny. They have recently written to me after over a year to say that it is no longer acceptable and they want me to refund the monies for the last year which has been causing me a lot of stress. I will be happy to request that they send me an agency person instead.

Electricity and gas are correct because I once overpaid and am now in £300 credit. I have never understood why wastewater is so high though.

thank you

kingfisherblue

My son is disabled and although I don't have any additional help to get him ready for school, I know of other parents who do. The agency worker is paid by the LA, so the parents don't have to worry about tax, NI, etc.

You could use your Direct Payments to employ someone to get your child ready for school instead, unless you have other plans for them.

Either of these would mean that you don't have a massive childcare bill.

Just one point about your nanny, though. How long has she worked for you? I think I'm correct in saying that if she has worked in the same job for two years or more, she is entitled to a redundancy payment if you make her redundant. ACAS will be able to advise you, to keep everything legal.

leongal12

Busy Bees are one of those who do childcare vouchers- sorry wasn't looking last week to see if vouchers got hit in the Spending review. If you are getting DLA for one of your children check to see it is the right amount- does it include carers and mobility- worth checking- if you are getting 10 hrs a week then I would expect it to be high level DLA. You didn't say if your child has care needs- toiletting etc. He/she is now old enough to qualify for help with some of that-pads if that is appropriate. The school nurse should be able to make a referral. I know it is hard when you don't get to see your child's school because he/she has transport but make use of parents events to find out what other people do for childcare. Maybe put some feeler out for school to start an after school club- schools need to react to their community's needs. Look for opportunities to access things like the sensory room in the holidays- that and time in the park with a home made picnic is just as cool as an expensive day out- particularly if the children help prepare the picnic first. Speak to school- if there is a trip coming up say you need time, or maybe are struggling at the moment- they will help. If you have after school club in school it might mean you loose the LA transport in the evening. Or look for childcare at you other child's school. Usually the LA won't charge for transport if the distance between school and your home is more than the distance between school and childcare- even better if it doesn't change you child's taxi route. Also look out for opportunities with something called Aiming High for Disabled children. Depends where you live as to how it is being used but it can support access to community activities, like after school clubs or swimming/ cubs/brownies and sometimes grants to help access holidays, travel to hospital appointments. Even if they helped with petrol and hospital car park fees it would help. Don't know what will happen next April but they might help now.There are also sibling support groups, sometimes run by Social Care, whcih can be really helpful and if you are meeting other parents you get to hear what is in the local area to help. We had an au pair for a bit-cheaper than a nanny- any of the au pair sites have advice about what you can and can't do. If you choose one already in this country it is easier to work out if you match and whether you can cope with her level of English. When I checked with Busy Bees- it was several years ago- if she does a first aid course and registers you can do childcare vouchers with her too- check the details. Each Local Authority has a Family Information Service- they can tell you what childcare is near you, tell you about Extended schools services, give loads of advice and sometimes know who is looking for work- maybe find someone who would do before and after school and holidays with you and work in a nursery or pre-school / school part time during the term as well- share the cost. It is their job to act as a signpost. Try the local Children's Centre- they often have the local info and sometimes a childminder group so you could advertise. The Direct Payments- the idea is that you have control and aren't tied into agency staff so you have consistency for your child. There are advice organisations in lots of areas that are independent to help with direct payments. If your child needs specific foods speak to their dietician- see what they recommend so you can get the balance right and as cheap as possible. The more you can make yourself, or get the nanny to make- bulk bake and freeze- the cheaper. Clothing- buy and sell on e-bay. Sell complete outfits and photo them looking washed and ironed laid out / hung up on a plain surface- more efficient than a 'bag for £5' sort of thing. The nanny can do that too! I am sure she is lovely and fab with the children, but she is working for you.
The other stuff- other people can give far better advice than me but when it comes to the crunch you have to decide what you can't live without and the rest has to go. Keeping your home and transport for you are going to be a priorities, because you have young children one with additional needs but CBBC is on freeview and Sky isn't. The children can make Christmas cards with the nanny and anyone who isn't really close gets a friendly e-mail- saving postage and all that paper- very environmentally friendly. Child made presents for grandparents always go down well- a decorated box to keep remote controls in- coasters from the pound shop decorated with marker pens and glitter. Home made bird feeders. Put aside a week end at the beginning of December and have a festive time followed by home made pizza. For Birthday pressies- particularly the endless round of children's parties bulk buy chocolates/ little bubble bath stuff/ pocket money toys/ big presents that split/ cheap stationery and then wrap up in paper or a decorated box that reflects what the child likes- Ben 10 or Trains or Princess- then the box is a pressie too. Big and expensive does not mean children like it- wrap it right and make is speacial and it doesn't matter what it is. It is like toys- it constantly amazes me what people put in the free ads paper or on e-bay. Barely touched. My children didn't get something new till they were probably nearly 10 or so- Bought cheap and second hand and customised- so not only was it theirs but no one else had the same. I learnt to make dolls clothes and they weren't perfect but they were special because mummy made them and no one else had the same. My eldest is now 15 and nothing I have made for her has been thrown.
Sorry- a War and Peace post! Hope there are some ideas for you. Good Luck

shebrett

If your partner quits work then you will be £20 better off purely in childcare, you could also then ditch the second car and save money there as well. I imagine you may be able to bring the food bills down as partner could then have time to prepare the lunches for everyone to save the lunch at work money. I can understand if your OH wants to work but financially the family as a whole is better off if they stay at home from what I can see. Good luck with things.

Triggles

Also, if you end up with one parent at home, instead of the live-in nanny, your grocery bills and meals at work bills will drop if you were providing meals for her (not to mention any incidentals that your DH bought such as lunches, coffees out during his work day). If you can then get rid of one car, it will also drop your car insurance, road tax, petrol expenses, and car maintenance costs. Also possibly clothing costs depending on your DH's job, if he had to purchase clothing just for work purposes.

mazinmouse

Leongal - I hope you won't mind - fraid I had break your post up into smaller chunks to read it - a lot of useful ideas and info in here!!

"Busy Bees are one of those who do childcare vouchers- sorry wasn't looking last week to see if vouchers got hit in the Spending review. If you are getting DLA for one of your children check to see it is the right amount- does it include carers and mobility- worth checking- if you are getting 10 hrs a week then I would expect it to be high level DLA.

You didn't say if your child has care needs- toiletting etc. He/she is now old enough to qualify for help with some of that-pads if that is appropriate. The school nurse should be able to make a referral.

I know it is hard when you don't get to see your child's school because he/she has transport but make use of parents events to find out what other people do for childcare. Maybe put some feeler out for school to start an after school club- schools need to react to their community's needs.

Look for opportunities to access things like the sensory room in the holidays- that and time in the park with a home made picnic is just as cool as an expensive day out- particularly if the children help prepare the picnic first. Speak to school- if there is a trip coming up say you need time, or maybe are struggling at the moment- they will help.

If you have after school club in school it might mean you loose the LA transport in the evening. Or look for childcare at you other child's school. Usually the LA won't charge for transport if the distance between school and your home is more than the distance between school and childcare- even better if it doesn't change you child's taxi route.

Also look out for opportunities with something called Aiming High for Disabled children. Depends where you live as to how it is being used but it can support access to community activities, like after school clubs or swimming/ cubs/brownies and sometimes grants to help access holidays, travel to hospital appointments. Even if they helped with petrol and hospital car park fees it would help. Don't know what will happen next April but they might help now.

There are also sibling support groups, sometimes run by Social Care, whcih can be really helpful and if you are meeting other parents you get to hear what is in the local area to help.

We had an au pair for a bit-cheaper than a nanny- any of the au pair sites have advice about what you can and can't do. If you choose one already in this country it is easier to work out if you match and whether you can cope with her level of English. When I checked with Busy Bees- it was several years ago- if she does a first aid course and registers you can do childcare vouchers with her too- check the details.

Each Local Authority has a Family Information Service- they can tell you what childcare is near you, tell you about Extended schools services, give loads of advice and sometimes know who is looking for work- maybe find someone who would do before and after school and holidays with you and work in a nursery or pre-school / school part time during the term as well- share the cost. It is their job to act as a signpost.

Try the local Children's Centre- they often have the local info and sometimes a childminder group so you could advertise.

The Direct Payments- the idea is that you have control and aren't tied into agency staff so you have consistency for your child. There are advice organisations in lots of areas that are independent to help with direct payments.

If your child needs specific foods speak to their dietician- see what they recommend so you can get the balance right and as cheap as possible. The more you can make yourself, or get the nanny to make- bulk bake and freeze- the cheaper.

Clothing- buy and sell on e-bay. Sell complete outfits and photo them looking washed and ironed laid out / hung up on a plain surface- more efficient than a 'bag for £5' sort of thing. The nanny can do that too! I am sure she is lovely and fab with the children, but she is working for you.

The other stuff- other people can give far better advice than me but when it comes to the crunch you have to decide what you can't live without and the rest has to go. Keeping your home and transport for you are going to be a priorities, because you have young children one with additional needs but CBBC is on freeview and Sky isn't.

The children can make Christmas cards with the nanny and anyone who isn't really close gets a friendly e-mail- saving postage and all that paper- very environmentally friendly.

Child made presents for grandparents always go down well- a decorated box to keep remote controls in- coasters from the pound shop decorated with marker pens and glitter. Home made bird feeders.

Put aside a week end at the beginning of December and have a festive time followed by home made pizza.

For Birthday pressies- particularly the endless round of children's parties bulk buy chocolates/ little bubble bath stuff/ pocket money toys/ big presents that split/ cheap stationery and then wrap up in paper or a decorated box that reflects what the child likes- Ben 10 or Trains or Princess- then the box is a pressie too. Big and expensive does not mean children like it- wrap it right and make is speacial and it doesn't matter what it is.

It is like toys- it constantly amazes me what people put in the free ads paper or on e-bay. Barely touched. My children didn't get something new till they were probably nearly 10 or so- Bought cheap and second hand and customised- so not only was it theirs but no one else had the same. I learnt to make dolls clothes and they weren't perfect but they were special because mummy made them and no one else had the same. My eldest is now 15 and nothing I have made for her has been thrown. "

dancingfairy

Hi - I think you need to have a word with one of the debt charities to go through your options.
Even if you could somehow halve your childcare bill this would mean that you would have approx 500 extra a month to throw at your debts (at the moment you are not able to meet your debt repayments according to your SOA)- 62k is going to take a long, long time to pay off - not impossible - of course not but you need to be aware of all the options.
Clearly your biggest problem is childcare expenses - perhaps you local CAB can help by telling you what you are entitled to?
Good Luck
df

MrsExhausted

Thanks.

I think a part of the problem is that this has been a very one-sided attempt. dh has been in denial about how bad things really are. He refused to stop work or reduce his hours, won't cancel sky or any expensive contracts and he's a brand snob. I have been trying really hard to increase the earnings to cope with the lifestyle but I'm at a stage where I can't do any more and have been hit with overpayment benefit letters everytime I get a higher paid job.

We had someone from social services in who said she felt we were not getting the right amount of DLA because ds1 is now older, still being potty trained, is on medication because of his poor sleep patterns and is completely non-verbal. she helped dh with the dla form but he decided not to complete the process because he thinks it'll be cut or means tested.

After an uncomfortable discussion based on feedback from this forum, he has now agreed to cut his hours (9.30am-2.30pm) which will reduce his pay by £600 a month but save on the nanny's salary. We will still need someone to cover the care of ds2 who's not due to start school till next september so we'll have look at au pairs or childminders.

Bestthingsinlifearefree

Hi,

This is a blokes perspective (I am a dad of a 4 yo). You need to ask your partner what is most important Sky TV or his family financial security and paying essential bills?

What you need and what you want are two very different things.;)

Your OH can have all his "toys" back once financial stability for the family has returned ( he does not have to live without sky or luxury brands forever:))

If he has any questions or wants a lecture he can PM me

Keep posting you are doing well. Keep taking small positive steps forward.

Best,

hostie

Make sure you are getting everything that you are entitled to surrounding your child´s disability. Even things like disabled toilet keys and disabled car stickers might not ease the financial strain much but could make your life a bit easier. Try to get a specialist in the field of the disability to help you to access everything that you are entitled to.

On the financial side:

- Is there an organisation or charity associated with the disability? They might give you a grant to help with costs.

- ** If your house has been modified for the disability you can claim a discount on your council tax and can get it backdated.

On the subject of council tax - there are certain rules surrounding soakaways in England which (I think) mean that if rainwater runs into your ground rather than the drains you are entitled to a discount. I can´t remember the exact rules but it might be worth looking into this.

- Make sure you are getting the mobility and the care component of DLA if applicable

- You might be better off changing one of the cars for a motability car (probably not but you never know)

- Do your local authority offer taxi vouchers for disabled people?

- Although you can´t car share with your husband, perhaps you could car share with someone at your work or someone in near your home that needs to go in the same direction.

- If you end up getting rid of the nanny you will have a spare room. Maybe you could take in a lodger?