Crazy world isn't it?

SolutionSeeker

Hi Everybody,

I posted here before but don't have access to my old email address so can't get my password sorted. Anyhoooo.
A while back, when I was especially stressed out by my situation, I popped on here with some questions about BR. Everyone was very supportive and helpful, which was nice.

Of course, when we are so stressed out that we expect bailliffs to be kicking in front doors at all hours, we do react differently to advice and guidance. I basically said that I was going to try and get my debts sorted out through a DMP and see how that went. I was also really concerned about my home and the impact that it would have on the family if we were to lose it. You know what I mean, don't you, all that hyper emotional stuff that gets us to see shapes in all the shadows.

Well, as for a bit of feedback. The DMP is sort of working out okish, except that I tended to over estimate the time frames for getting new income in as well as forgetting that from time to time I might become ill - therefore no work done - therefore no income. This led to a bit of a stop start thing in the beginning - mind you, its only been like 6 months or so.
In some ways I felt that I was doing the right thing by making good on my promise to pay (pat on the back) my creditors.

Of late, I have begun to really look with fresh eyes at what I am doing to my family and then it suddenly doesn't seem so ok. The current repayment period (which is reviewable every so often) is in the region of about 20 years - and its a tight 20 years from the looks of it. With those 20 years comes poor credit rating (were I to be so foolish as to want to take some again) for the duration. So effectively, it means we bath in a plastic tub, cos the shower is broken (we have no bath - I know, stupid design call years ago when we had it redone). The idea of replacing shoes or trousers - perish the thought. Last week of the month is water diet time because the money has run out - ok for the adults, but not so ok for us to try and do to the kids. There is no car in the driveway. Mind you, there isn't much of the house roof left either, but lets hope it gets us through the winter hey.

So then I begin to ask myself if this is starting to resemble a type of slavery. 20 years hard labour and all that.
Then I begin to consider the BR thing again. I know the idea of it freaks the wife out, but I can't but help thinking that while it is by no means the easy option, it certainly is the final and most decisive option.

Before, I really struggled with the whole idea of 'walking away' from my debts. It felt so dishonest on some level. After all, if you can't be good on your word, what do you have. But even that I begin to see differently now. I didn't incur any of my debts when I was on the cusp of disaster originally. To be fair, a couple of smaller ones did happen as that deceptive 'this will tide me over till I manage to work triple hours again' thing. I incurred the debts with full intent to repay - more than that I was able to comfortably pay. Things change don't they.
Work dry's up. Income collapses and suddenly things are in a different league.
Yeah, its taken a fair bit for me to get to this point, but I'm actually not going to take ALL the blame for this situation. Sure, i could have worked better with saving for a rainy day and all that, but I never anticipated that my income would more than halve.

So here I am. Is it to be the long lingering slow strangling death of 20 years or do I opt for the short sharp jolt of pain?

kepar

Without directing you one way or the other, I think you have reached a decision yourself -if you read back what you've written and want quality of life I think you only have one option -to go bankrupt. To continue in this way for the next 20 years will wear you down so much -life is for living. Bankruptcy as you say is not the easy option and is a painful process -but there is definitely life after it and you can rebuild your life. When I went through it I kept thinking "this is short term pain for long term gain". Now 2 yrs down the line life is much better -in fact the day after I did it life started to feel better -a lot of the pressure was lifted and that in itself was an immense relief.We all feel guilty about not being able to repay our debts, but 20 years of hard labour is not, in my opinion, the answer.

SolutionSeeker

Yip, I know that I've pretty much decided which way I am going with this.
That life thing has been nagging at me for a while. When I sit down and think about it, I come to the conclusion that I arrive with nothing and I leave with nothing AND the time between those 2 events is finite, unknown, but finite.
What will I do with that time? Will I spend most of it repaying debts to institutions that themselves have been innoculated against bancruptcy, only to find at the end of that journey that I must now scrimp and save to eke out my retirement. With the added bonus that I can always use an Equity Release to obtain more cash for daily living expenses once I am retired, without having to concern myself with paying it back. The house will simply revert to the lender upon my ultimate demise.

Yeah, call me cynical, but I suspect many of us were sold a pup instead of a real life. The bit that's worse is that we bought into it so completely.

BTW: When working out the SOA, do I use the full cream version of the loan repayment or what I am currently paying through my DMP? Thanks

alastairq

hello and welcome to the lightbulb moment of life.

On the SOA you need to list your actual debts.....warts an' all.


it is such a pity, that BR is like driving...so much ignorance and urban myth?

lilibet1

Well for once im agreeing with Kepar:D

I think you know what you have to do my love.

x

curly04

hi I was on payment arrangements for 5 years with about another 37 years to go :eek:

I wish i went BR years ago and i started my life sooner

i might still be married and I wouldn't have spent so much time in hospital

dancingfairy

From what you've said things are not good - a water diet :eek:, a plastic tub for bathing as no bath or shower :eek:, no trousers or shoes ever :eek:.
A dmp is going to work if 1) it's realistic - it sounds like your budget isn't if you can't even buy shoes when the other have really had it and 2) is either short term or you envisage things improving significantly over the term of the dmp.
From what you've said perhaps you need to start looking at other options -including bankruptcy.
I think you need to get clued up on the real bankruptcy (not the mythical,scary beast implied by some) and have a chat with your wife.
Best of Luck
df

SolutionSeeker

There is a part of me that knows that this is the thing to do. There is another part of me that is absolutely paralysed with fear. Yes, I know that it is completely irrational, but its there.
Its so irrational, that even though I know that NOT making a decision is a decision in itself, the mind kind of freezes up and locks itself into some sort of 'trying to save you from pain' mode.

Its like that proverbial leap of faith isn't it. In your heart you know with such certainty that it is ok, but your head screams out to you 'WAIT WAIT WAIT - there is no footbridge over that ravine, you'll fall to your death'.

Like I said, irrational.

alastairq

honestly...contrary to popular belief....and supported on various other forums.....they stopped locking up people in Newgate prison for debt, years ago!

Apart from the few lucky lottery winners, everybody is in debt, to some degree or other.

If you can accept the concept of divorce in our society, then, accept the concept of bankruptcy.

it is merely a process.....that's all......whereby you can be relieved of responsibility for debt repayment [the OR deals with that].....and your creditors can get closure....and financial recompense from other sources....usually a form of tax relief.

You are going to use the legal system [the Court] to sort your problems out for you.

And why not?

Every body else does!

All you need is motivation...like.....the motivation you have forgetting up and going to work each morning?

The system is there for you.....use it.

SSA

SolutionSeeker wrote: »

Before, I really struggled with the whole idea of 'walking away' from my debts. It felt so dishonest on some level. After all, if you can't be good on your word, what do you have. But even that I begin to see differently now. I didn't incur any of my debts when I was on the cusp of disaster originally. To be fair, a couple of smaller ones did happen as that deceptive 'this will tide me over till I manage to work triple hours again' thing. I incurred the debts with full intent to repay - more than that I was able to comfortably pay. Things change don't they.
Work dry's up. Income collapses and suddenly things are in a different league.
Yeah, its taken a fair bit for me to get to this point, but I'm actually not going to take ALL the blame for this situation. Sure, i could have worked better with saving for a rainy day and all that, but I never anticipated that my income would more than halve.

So here I am. Is it to be the long lingering slow strangling death of 20 years or do I opt for the short sharp jolt of pain?

Hi SS & welcome.

I agree that you have answered your own question but writing it down really does crystalise one`s thoughts I think.

I will just throw a couple more thoughts in the hat if I may -

If you were a business & not making any profit or rewards then you would close down the business & start again....the BR route has long since been used by business community as a means to make a fresh start....mostly without shame & just a `matter of fact` part of business.

You borrowed with the intention of paying back...of course we all do...but if that debt becomes untenable then you must act. The Banks could`nt care less....in fact a `written off` debt looks better on their balance sheet than an `out of order` one. Also gets it off their books so they don`t look like they have as much `bad lending`. (I have many years in that industry btw)

BR is not easy & as you say the `sharp jolt of pain` is a tough lesson but it is over in no time & doesn`t last 20 years either.

Get advice from the debt charities & take it....20 years is too long for a DMP in my opinion. (but that is just my opinion).

Good luck.

crumbling

hello,
i'm glad you have come to the forum as i'm sure reading through many of the post and feelings you will see just how you are feeling right now - fearful and guilt-ridden.

i took the bankruptcy step in september and i still feel pretty wretched about having no alternative (i had advice from cccs) but my guilt is starting to ease as now i can actually provide decent food for my kid every day of every week.

good luck with whatever you decide. x