Etiquette on corsages

coolcait

Becci wrote: »

Hi JenHug i do want my mother in law my mother and the grandmothers all wearing the same corsage - i just dont want this extending to all the aunts and uncles on his side which is what she wants and what is the done thing on that side of the family. This isnt the done thing on mine so it will look his family is viewed as more important than mine if you see what i mean. Plus in my opinion the buttonholes signify to people who the wedding party is?

It's not a particularly money saving idea, but is there any chance that your side of the family would be open to the idea of aunts and uncles also having corsages?

That would keep the 'balance' so that you wouldn't feel that one family looked 'more important' that the other (I have to say that I simply don't see that wearing corsages/buttonholes makes one side look more, or less, important. However, I recognise and respect that this is the way you feel about it, so I'm trying to suggest ideas to work round the problem).

Most of my wedding guest experiences pre-date ten years ago, and before that my parents were the ones attending loads of weddings. It was definitely that case then (at least in this part of Scotland) that every guest wore a buttonhole, and provided it themselves.

I know this for a fact because my mum had a gift for making them - in her hands, a couple of scabby carnations, a fern, a bit of baby's breath and some tinfoil were transformed into a lapel-sized fairy bouquet, sprinkled with stardust!

It would be really sad if this bcame an issue which upset you, or caused a rift between you and your in-laws. Especially if you could find some kind of compromise - whether it's inculding your side of the family in the tradition of wearing special corsages.

Or, have different corsages for the people you see as the main wedding party, and those who are close-ish family (aunts and uncles)?

After all, it's a way for you and your OH-to-be to show how special your mums and dads and granparents are to you both, because of all the sacrifices they made bringing you up, and helping you to be the people you are today. It's a way of demonstrating your love and respect for them before the whole world.

So, although you think it's a great idea for aunties and uncles to have a corsage/buttonhole too, you'd be a little bit sad if it took away from the special places that your mums and dads and grans and grandads had in your lives...

I guess...

tattycath

Becci, when we got married earlier this year, the bridal party only had button holes and corsages, The groom, best man, bride and grooms parents and the pages-there were no grandparents or ushers.
As others have said it's your wedding so you call the shots-whoever it upsets!!!!

floss2

Another one who had wedding party only - groom, best man, ushers x 2 (my sons), MoH's hubby, FiL, MiL, best man's wife, sons G/F's x 2.

And the only one who brought his own butonhole looked a right twerp as it was a totally different red & not a rose!

adouglasmhor

jenhug wrote: »

mum of bride, mum of groom for corsages. button hole for groom, father of groom father of bride and best man. button hole for ushers. you can add grandparents in also.
(I'm a florist) I really don't understand why you don't want your mother in law to have one??

grooms button hole is normally different to the rest of bridal party.
Ten years ago it was expected that you bought a button hole for each of the guests, and the ushers would have handed them out, this seems to be out of vogue now.

50 years ago any man going to a church for any reason would have a buttonhole or a pocket square, many men wore them with an ordinary suit for work etc. I wear one sometimes and get asked what's it for. It's just for me.

jenhug

you could buy them all a basic button hole to shut the MIL up. That way at least you control what it is and what colour.

ticklepenny_2

Could the grooms party have a different colour to the bridal party? Is she funding it herself? My answer would be tough.. my day, my decision. But thats just me

White_Sapphire

Maybe an option would be to let the groom's family wear buttonholes if that is their tradition, and to communicate to the bride's family that this is what to expect, and that if they wish to wear a buttonhole they will be more than welcome to supply their own. As long as the bridal party's buttonholes/corsages are showier than the guests' then that will solve the 'who is in the bridal party' problem. You could even specify 'a single white or cream flower' (for example) for all guests, so that it's even clearer who is who. It will also show respect to the groom's family by not appearing to stonewall their traditions (I know that's not your intention, but sometimes it's the little things that are the most important to people!). I agree that it is the bride and groom's day so they should choose exactly what they want, but sometimes you need to choose your battles carefully!

If you really aren't happy with all guests wearing buttonholes, maybe you and OH could speak to his mother about it, stressing that a 'bridal party only' approach to them is to signify the special relationship that you have with the people closest to you, including her of course!

Vaila

when my uncle and aunt got married, my gran bought the corsages as part of her gift to them, (lovely white roses,, heather and blue tartan) but it as it was a small wedding each of the guests had one. really though its your big day at the end of it, appreciate their idea but if you dont want them to do it, say so !

Foofighter

I think you should do what you want and get your point across, but your fiance needs to back you up to his mum too. My SO was a Best Man last year, it was a small wedding, 12 at the actual ceremony but he didn't get a buttonhole. Neither did father of the groom, mother of the groom, just the groom and then the brides 2 kids who were page boys. I thought it was odd but at the end of the day she had planned for it and it was there wedding. Like everyone has said it's your day, call the shots

MrsC....tobe

I would get buttonholes for who you want to have them (ie wedding party) and let other guests get their own if they want them. That includes those travelling from a distance. They are more than capable of looking up a florist in the area and ordering something that they can pick up on the day. Try not to let MIL bully you into anything (easier said than done I know) and if you end up telling her make sure it's something totally different to the bridal party's!