Etiquette on corsages

Becci

Hi, was wanting a mutual opinion on what is the correct etiquette for corsages and buttonholes for weddings? I wanted purely the wedding party to wear buttonholes/corsages, the groomsmen, best man both Dads Mums and Grandparents.
However the future mother in law wants me to let people know which florist im using so they can order their own! Am i wrong in wanting to keep the corsages and buttonholes purely for the bridal party? My family are all coming from far away so wont have the option of buying their own even if they wanted to and dont want it looking like his family are more important than mine so to speak.
Sorry for the rant, hope for some honest opinions Becci

4nnabella

Another case of *your* wedding so you need to do what *you* want I think (although so often easier said than done when MILs are involved...) We're just having corsages for the bridal party and my nan.

WestonDave

Not sure it helps answer your question but in planning our wedding my wife decided that only the wedding party should have buttonholes plus her grandad (as he was the only one of that generation left). This was communicated to her family who promptly threw a head fit and insisted that there should be enough for all the guests and they would get them. This would have been fine except we were issuing an open invite to our church friends that we couldn't accomodate at the meal to come along for the service (and then the evening do later). This left the ushers with an interesting job working out who to offer them to - as a result loads of them were left. I still vividly recall 10 years later, pulling the senior usher aside, pushing him towards the box of unused buttonholes in the corner and telling him to do whatever he had to but get rid of those sodding buttonholes before another row kicks off.

In short do what you think is right because whatever you do there will be someone unhappy about it!

Becci

Thanks for replies, i really want them just for the Bridal partly and my Grandma as she contributed a lot financially, will speak to my other half and try and get him to talk to his Mum, he doesn't see how its upsetting me so much, but i know if i leave it i will get worked up that people are wearing buttonholes!

maggie111

I agree that it's your wedding so you get to choose a lot of stuff and there's only so much compromising you can do with your MIL. But there is a certain amount of etiquette here and it could be a bit bridezilla to demand that no one is allowed a flower in their lapel except for the people you want.

In today's society it's rare but the tradition is that you take your own buttonhole to a wedding. I understand that it's not going to sit comfortably with you that it's so haphazzard.

Perhaps you can tell your MIL that you're providing them on the day and get the ushers to hand out a carnation head and a pin to every guest?

Our florist is providing a button hole for everyone for under £1 each - the "important" men's buttonholes are more expensive and with fuller flowers and different colours, to differentiate them.

coolcait

maggie111 wrote: »

I agree that it's your wedding so you get to choose a lot of stuff and there's only so much compromising you can do with your MIL. But there is a certain amount of etiquette here and it could be a bit bridezilla to demand that no one is allowed a flower in their lapel except for the people you want.

In today's society it's rare but the tradition is that you take your own buttonhole to a wedding. I understand that it's not going to sit comfortably with you that it's so haphazzard.

Perhaps you can tell your MIL that you're providing them on the day and get the ushers to hand out a carnation head and a pin to every guest?

Our florist is providing a button hole for everyone for under £1 each - the "important" men's buttonholes are more expensive and with fuller flowers and different colours, to differentiate them.

I agree with you on the 'tradition' of buttonholes for weddings. Guests provide their own buttonholes to wear to a wedding.

Maybe the compromise would be for the wedding party to have buttonholes/corsages in the wedding colours, and have the guests buy their own buttonholes/corsages from any florist.

OP, if your family are coming from far away, maybe you could organise the buttonholes/corsages for them, if you're worried about them not having the opportunity to do it themselves?

Stephb1986_2

I went to a wedding at the beginning of the month even though i was part of the bridal party i didn't get a corsage or button hole everyone else did MIL2B did this on purpose to leave me out (it was her wedding) left me sat at the back of the registry office on my own and let great uncle fester and "friends" sit infront of me and kept introducing me as OH's GF!

Just thought to myself I'll get my own back on you cow. lol

But I thought it was bridal party only that got button holes

Steph xx

jenhug

mum of bride, mum of groom for corsages. button hole for groom, father of groom father of bride and best man. button hole for ushers. you can add grandparents in also.
(I'm a florist) I really don't understand why you don't want your mother in law to have one??

grooms button hole is normally different to the rest of bridal party.
Ten years ago it was expected that you bought a button hole for each of the guests, and the ushers would have handed them out, this seems to be out of vogue now.

Becci

Hi JenHug i do want my mother in law my mother and the grandmothers all wearing the same corsage - i just dont want this extending to all the aunts and uncles on his side which is what she wants and what is the done thing on that side of the family. This isnt the done thing on mine so it will look his family is viewed as more important than mine if you see what i mean. Plus in my opinion the buttonholes signify to people who the wedding party is?

jenhug

its the type of button hole that defines the bridal party.
standard guests/family, a basic carnation button hole is fine.
for ushers, a carnation with berries or something else added to signify they are "upgraded" for want of a better word, is the norm.
Ladies in bridal party, an orchid or freesia etc corsage is standard, generally either in a cream to be neutral, or to tone with their outfit.
Groom, a double rose button hole with berries or similar is usual, or arum lily or gerbera whatever the flowers are in your bouquet. Grooms button hole should always be slightly showier than the others, in my opinion.
rest of men, a single rose or flower to signify they are in the bridal party is pretty standard.

If you really don't want the guests to have a button hole then your mum in law to be should respect that. They certainly should not be having the same as bridal party.

jenhug

you can tell your MIL2be that you checked with the florist and she was "aghast" at your mil2bes suggestion! "how uncouth" were her exact words! LOL!