Is this the place for me?

coolcait

Can I just add my support for dojoman, and all the work he does on here.

I hope you don't leave the board dojoman, but I can completely understand if you need to take a step back for a bit. This must have been a tremendously hurtful experience for you.

JMV, we all have bad days. I hope that when you calm down further, and have read the responses on this thread, you will understand how helpful dojoman's response actually was.

I have looked through all of your posts, and my first thought was ....



'links'

Including links to at least one of the free debt advice agencies suggested by dojoman.

That suggests that you also know the value of signposting people to sites which can provide them with a lot of useful information.

You take a more 'chatty' approach' dojoman took a more 'to the point' approach. Both are equally valid and helpful, IMO.

I think it would be a great shame if a difference in styles led to people leaving the board, and not sharing their knowledge, time and caring.

For those who haven't noticed, I'm not from the 'to the point' style camp. :rotfl:

However, in a situation where people have information which could help someone else, but maybe don't have the time, or the style, to wrap it up in a 'chatty' way...

I'd say that the important thing is to get the information on the board, so that people can start using it to help themselves. Every time.

minicooper1961

Flippin heck Dojo don't go...............I'll say for starters this is one of the most supportive boards here, Whooooooa I have strayed into various others {and found support I must add} but whooooooa again, I have come scurrying back here in a hurry....................:)

JMV

Ok, my last words on the matter…

I may not be a “stalwart” and I may not be the best person to advise anyone on BR or matters financial…but, I do know people, and I did work for over 10 years as an advisor…

Based on my observations I feel people come here for many reasons…it may be that they ask where to go for advice, or they ask for the advice of forum members, or they want to share their own experience or ask you to share yours…it may be they just want to unburden themselves, or share their darkest moments…

In any event, it’s quite likely that this is the first time they have been able to share their situation…and what they are really looking for (IMHO) is a connection, to know they are not alone, to look for support, reassurance, friendship, or, yes, practical help and advice…

Any number of responses could be appropriate…

In response to the question “Where would be the best place to discuss my situation?”…a list of links would be absolutely appropriate…that’s what the poster is asking and that’s what they should get…you’ll get no argument from me.

But…if we were all standing in a room and someone plucked up the courage to walk over to us and say “I’m going through this terrible situation and I wondered if anyone else has gone through it and could help me” then I’m sorry, but “Go to the CAB” or “Do a Search” is not particularly helpful (IMHO)…However, each to his own…my only suggestion is that it might be prefaced with a “Hello” and a “Welcome to the forum”…

My reaction was not to the posting of a list of links – I made my feelings known in the thread in question, in, what I thought, was a tiny dig, and then asked if the person concerned didn’t feel it appropriate for the poster to ask about others experiences.

What I got in return was akin to a teenager having a tantrum:

Get off your high horse, don`t criticise my reply to the OP. I have spent many many hours helping people on this forum, and do not need someone who has only just joined having a go at me. My advice for any new poster on here, regardless of circumstance is to contact one of the debt charities. So before you go posting your facetious comments about my replies, just take the time to have a look at all the other threads I have contributed to.

I haven’t “misconstrued” the meaning – I am being told (quite blatantly) to “Not criticise” and that the poster has been here longer than me so has every right to say what he likes and I (as a newbie) do not…

What I might have expected, from a Stalwart, would be an adult response…but hey ho! The response to me (and others I have observed) and the subsequent “threat” to leave tells me all I wish to know about this “stalwart” of your community…

philnicandamy

oh !!!!!! :mad::mad::mad: have you even bothered to read the last few posts?

and yes I used the word "stalwart" if you have a problem with that I suggest you continue this conversation off forum & i'd be happy to discuss

although I do find it strange you quote martins "this board is for help NOT judgement" posts...yet your comments are judgemental against a long term member here

dojoman

Firstly I would like to apologise about my last post yesterday evening.
May be I should have taken a step back before I replied, but I don`t like being accused of something when I have not done anything wrong. I felt like I was being chastised like a naughty schoolboy by someone who does not even know me. Sometimes if I have not got time to write a detailed response to a question, I will put up the links to the debt charities, what I do not need is to be "chastised" by someone for doing this. I know too well through my own experience, how valuable this forum and its regular posters are, and not for one minute would I try and devalue that. I have read the posts again and think I may have been "trolled" If that is not the case then I sincerely apologise to the OP, and hope we can move on from here. This board plays a vital role in a lot of peoples lives who are going through the BR process, and I for one do not want to detract from that. As far as I am concerned this matter is now closed!

miss_spooky

JMV wrote: »

Ok, my last words on the matter…

I may not be a “stalwart” and I may not be the best person to advise anyone on BR or matters financial…but, I do know people, and I did work for over 10 years as an advisor… Any advisor will deal with facts and not personal experiences as these can badly influence a descision - fact is more clear. As an advisor you should be aware of that.

Based on my observations I feel people come here for many reasons…it may be that they ask where to go for advice, or they ask for the advice of forum members, or they want to share their own experience or ask you to share yours…it may be they just want to unburden themselves, or share their darkest moments… True, and they will get the support they need. Just read through previous posts. There have been some very low people who have pulled through with the support of this board.

In any event, it’s quite likely that this is the first time they have been able to share their situation…and what they are really looking for (IMHO) is a connection, to know they are not alone, to look for support, reassurance, friendship, or, yes, practical help and advice…

Any number of responses could be appropriate…

In response to the question “Where would be the best place to discuss my situation?”…a list of links would be absolutely appropriate…that’s what the poster is asking and that’s what they should get…you’ll get no argument from me.

But…if we were all standing in a room and someone plucked up the courage to walk over to us and say “I’m going through this terrible situation and I wondered if anyone else has gone through it and could help me” then I’m sorry, but “Go to the CAB” or “Do a Search” is not particularly helpful (IMHO)…However, each to his own…my only suggestion is that it might be prefaced with a “Hello” and a “Welcome to the forum”… Maybe, but you never siad that in your original post... Also in a group of people not everyone is going to be "hi, how are you". I've sat in many a group with poeple who just try to get thier point across with out the nicetities.

My reaction was not to the posting of a list of links – I made my feelings known in the thread in question, in, what I thought, was a tiny dig, and then asked if the person concerned didn’t feel it appropriate for the poster to ask about others experiences. The trouble is that everyone experiences are different. I was glad at the fact of going br have never felt stressed about it, took it all in my stride - just like giving birth. lol - but I have also never had to lose a home as a result. I've always rented, am in council accom, my income & exp is the same before br - but just not paying the debts, so for me nothing has changed. I'm not sure how that would help someone losing their home, who has lost their job and is worried about thousands of pounds worth of debt. So sometimes experiences before a descision can badly influence someone. What's good for one person isn't necessairly good for another which is why proper advice should be sort- hence the first posts are usually to gwet advice.

What I got in return was akin to a teenager having a tantrum:

Get off your high horse, don`t criticise my reply to the OP. I have spent many many hours helping people on this forum, and do not need someone who has only just joined having a go at me. My advice for any new poster on here, regardless of circumstance is to contact one of the debt charities. So before you go posting your facetious comments about my replies, just take the time to have a look at all the other threads I have contributed to.

I haven’t “misconstrued” the meaning – I am being told (quite blatantly) to “Not criticise” and that the poster has been here longer than me so has every right to say what he likes and I (as a newbie) do not… No, you criticised valid advise, regardless of how it was delivered. That's more to the point.

What I might have expected, from a Stalwart, would be an adult response…but hey ho! The response to me (and others I have observed) and the subsequent “threat” to leave tells me all I wish to know about this “stalwart” of your community…

TBH I don't see anyone "winning" this argument. You are both right. Pleasentries or directness again, if you are in that much trouble and worried about debt, are you really going to worry that someone hasn't said HEllo?

The OP of the original thread has never complained...


Lets just leave it here and all post what advise we can in the best way that we can - regardless ofhow it is delivered...

Amnesty

What`s going on here then?
For what it`s worth when I went BR I was asked by the OR whether I had taken advise from an official source and thanks to the recomendations on this board I was able to say I had which was greeted favourably by the OR interviewing me.All Dojoman was saying is that it is best to go to the CAB etc first and then come back on here to pick the bones out of what they have told you and get further advise and support and on this I am with him 100%.
It was good advise and I`m glad I did exactly that when I was going through it.

Doucam

Oh dear, I haven't been on the forum for a bit as too busy and then I come on and find this, a thread by someone basically having a go at dojo.

To be honest I am not very impressed with that, dojo has been a fabulous help to many on these boards - myself included, and as for recommending that that person seek help from the charities, then that is very good advice indeed, as the judge asked myself and my husband when we went BR if we had taken advice, and we were able to say yes we had, that is a very important part of BR and dojo was quite right to point that poster in that direction.