Wife not talking about money

tambus

Long story... I split up with my wife last year then moved back in earlier this year after renting a place of my own. We have 2 kids and I work shifts on a 4 on 4 off pattern. I am getting made redundant next year so it made me think that we need to watch our money. We spend more than we earn but she dosen't bother. When I moved back in she was getting letters from catalogue company about missed payments so I starting paying and then payed £2500 from a new CC I got to pay the wifes, got her to rip it up.
We just had a massive row because she has now got another cc, the same account, and has started withdrawing money on it.
I think her debt is ~£4500 & rising and I have debts of ~£9000. I earn £1200/month and I think my wife gets abot £400/month WTC & CB. We have seperate bank accounts since we split up and all debts are in seperate names apart from the mortgage(not got ppi- another story) so here is my question - I am not helping her pay off her debt anymore after the CC carry on as I think we should be cutting back (I drink, she smokes, Sky tv...) but her head is buried in the sand so if and when she can't pay her debts will our house still be ok? Every time I try talking about needing to budget she calls me a boring old fart & that we could be dead tomorrow!
Thanks for reading, not used to this posting lol

jjww_2

Hi Tambus,

I feel very sorry for you it is hard when other half thinks money grows on trees.

Although I cannot offer any practical solutions, not sure how to get accross to someone when missed payment letters etc have not done the trick. My hubby used to spend money like it was going out of fashion until we sat down and took a long hard look at our debts and repayments and realised what we could have if we were not paying those off, extra hol, new car etc.

Now we have paid back nearly all of our debts just by cutting back on drink, socialising etc.

Maybe sitting down with her and doing a budget might help where she can see the money in and both come up with ideas to cut back.

If she is going behind your back and getting debts it is a problem do you know what the money is being spent on? Explain to her it is not helping your relationship either.

She really needs to wake up soon and start living within her means.
Good Luck

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Hi - Head over to DFW and fill out an SOA and show it to your wife. Post it on DFW an they can add ideas on ways to cut money

HTH x

Pollycat

Hi Tambus
I suggest you post this on the Debt Free Wannabe board and also complete a Statement of Affairs (SOA) using this template:
http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

Unfortunately, until your wife sees sense and accepts that something needs to be done about your debts (aka 'having her LBM (lightbulb moment)), it's going to be hard for you to start sorting things out without her buy-in.

Whilst it's true that you could be dead tomorrow, it's more likely that you won't be, you'll still just be struggling to pay your debts.

If you're overspending now and are being made redundant soon, unless you can walk straight into another job and use your redundancy pay-off to clear your bills, you're going to be in even worse trouble.

Re your house, it depends if any of your debts are secured on the house.
That should all come out in your SOA.

Good luck.

pinkshoes

If you have a mortgage together on the house, then your finances are linked, so if she defaults on her debts, you will BOTH end up with a terrible credit rating.

Your wife is being delusional. It's all very well living as if you're going to die tomorrow, but given the odds are quite small, it's more sensible to live within your means, be responsible, and concentrate on keeping a roof over your children's heads.

Would it be worth selling the house, using the equity to pay off any debts, then renting?

If I were you, I'd be giving her an ultimatum that she's being selfish and risking their family home by living beyond her means.

Could she not get another job to pay for her spending habits?

Financial compatibility is SO important in a relationship!

diable

Nice attitude your wife has especially when you have two children.

Next time she says you may be gone tomorrow, answer back that you need some money saved as the children won't be able to afford the funeral.......

Any

Your house is theoretically O.K. if it is just catalogue and credit cards. Those are unsecured debts and they cannot just take your house. But no idea whether you read any stories of debt collectors, I am sure you would rather sell the house to pay off the debts then having to deal with them.
HOWEVER who is to say that if she has this attitude she will stop short of not paying the mortgage??

Feel very sorry for you. Very difficult situation. How big are the kids? Why does she not work? If she worked she would have less time spending and more spending power - I have met several women who only spend because they are bored - even though you are not exactly physicaly bored while looking after the kids, your brain needs a bit of different kind of stimulation and it can be where this is coming from.

She needs to have her lightbulb moment, but if you can't make her.. There is no reason for you and the kids suffering...

Oldernotwiser

Does your wife bring any money into the household?

the_cat

My first thought is that she is refusing to discuss the situation and fobbing you off because her debts are much more than you think and she doesn't want you to find out

I hope that I am wrong for your sake

tambus

Thanks for all the replys - will try & do a SOA later on. She has just started looking for jobs but it is difficult with my shifts and that the children are both in primary school.
I also agree with her spending because she is bored, smokes like a chimney but "that's all that I do", nearly £160/month

cattkitt

Point out that she's a mother now. Does she really want her children to grow up like her? The little people see all.