advised needed re adopted mum

cookie54

i was given up at birth and found my adopted mum and we meet a few times and i met my sister but it was difficult to keep in touch due to her ex husband !!!!! long story

How ever tonite i got a phone call to say that she has a very aggressive form of cancer and she is now on a morphine driver and is not expected to make the next 24hours.. i will not be rushing up as she is completely out of it and she live 4 hours away.

How ever i am thinking of going up for the bureal or should i just send flower and make out that i am a friend from the past.

If i went up it would be obvous that i was a related to her as we all look alike and there will be her 5 daughter there.

In the past he ex wife was the problem but she has passed away

what would you do ? THANKS

BitterAndTwisted

I think I would wait to be invited by the sister you met. If you're not invited then send flowers.

sueeve

I think if you don't go you might regret it more than if you do go and are a bit uncomfortable. And the fact that you have been informed means that you are seen as part of the picture. But it's not easy, and in the end I think you will have to follow gut instinct.

finnigan

I was also adopted. My reunion with my BM did not happen :(. In your shoes I would go to the service but not to any after do unless her family specifically invite you. Good luck.

McKneff

I agree with finnigan.
I think sinceyou have met up with her a few times you should go and give your last respects, i think in time you will regret not going.
This is the only chance you will get to give you some closure.

If the sister invites you back to the 'do' then by all means go along, you dont have to explain to all and sundry who you are.
Are all the othe sisters aware of your existance.

It may be the start of long and good relationships witht them and all their children. You are after all either their sister or hafl sister.

Good luck in whatever you decide. And Im sorry for your loss.

belfastgirl23

That's really sad, I'm sorry for your loss.

I think contact the sister you've met and ask whether it would be appropriate for you to go to the funeral. The last thing you want is awkwardness at the church or a feeling that you're gatecrashing. If not appropriate then do whatever you think is right, eg flowers or a donation in her name to a charity or whatever way you want to mark it.

cookie54

just to update all . i have ben told she has died and am welcome to go to the church but unfortuatley (sp) cant make it as we are away on hoilday so will send up some flowers and all the family are aware about me and her friends from church know she had daughters so will be mentioned in sevices and will go up later on in yr to pay my own respects and meet up so thanks alot

McKneff

Thanks for the update,

Try and light a candle in a church while you are away.