Feeling down today

Hushpuppie_2

I just wanted write this because im feeling really down, im 40 and pregnant which im very happy about its my first baby and very much wanted my heart melts when I feel him or her moving about (im just over 18 weeks)

I posted another post titled I want to vent and scream in the Money Saver Arms about how hard im finding things

I live alone until my maternity pay starts so will move in with partner in Dec which we both look forward to

Now my problem is my family and the way they dislike the way i went about getting married and not involving the world! we are asian come form a very backward culture, I was born here and have not done anything wrong in fact, one of my older relatives paid me a visit last week and said how shameful it is and how people are 'talking' about us.

Im not close to my family (have no parents so did it all myself)

So today I cancelled a Midwife appointment because I dont want to go out, I feel that im being watched and feel safer indoors.

Im working full time but today is my day off and the app. was at 2 I have arranged it to be next week now 2 weeks after than it should be really for 18 week check up.Im going straight after work next Thurs so at least im already in town.

Im crying here thinking ive let my baby down.:(
Maybe its my hormones? dont know its my first pregnancy.

I cant wait to move from this area although its where I grew up it makes me sad. I have not told my family im expecting as they need to get over what ive done poor things!

My partner lives too far with his work too to take me although he is good as gold and comes to scans. I do feel lonely but im counting the days till work is over 65 days!

Just wanted to share thanks for reading

Tulip

didnt want to read or run,cant advise but I can give hugs

*hugs*


Katie

Plans_all_plans

Hi, dont feel bad about missing your scan, it's not the end of the world. You've not let your baby down. For thousands of years women had babies with absolutely not medical intervention whatsoever, so a 2 week delay on the scan can't hurt. I didn't even go for my first scan and was late for my second scan.

I also know how you feel about your family. We had our daughter out of wedlock (though we are now married) and I had a few relatives from around the world writing to me informing me that I had shamed the family! At the end of the day, people's traditions and cultures can differ from our own ways of doing things, but try to remember that there is often no malice behind what they say to you. I am still very much in touch with my family who said horrid things to me prior to the birth of our daughter, as I felt that they were just expressing concern, in their own unique way! I don't hold grudges.

Try not to feel bad about your situation, pregnancy does mess with your hormones and you are bound to be feeling confusion, tiredness and get irritable. Take a step back to day, have a lie down and try as best you can to relax!!!

ETA: I see you feel you are being watched. I think that you should try to get these thoughts out of your head, but if they continue, it might be an idea to get signed off work sick until your baby arrives and move to be with your husband. Also, if you find things difficult when the baby arrives without much family support, you can contact HomeStart who can offer you support. http://www.home-start.org.uk/needsupport/need_support

epsilondraconis

Hope you're feeling a bit better today Hushpuppie...

cattkitt

Another bushel of wishes that you're feeling better.

The thing about traditions is that you get the gobby one of the family using "traditions" as an excuse to mouth off, poke their nose in, and try to get you to toe the line.

But if you take a good hard look at what's going on, typically they are ever so fast to tell you where you're not "paying in" to the system, but when you need stuff and support, they're not there, rallying help from the so called "others" who have been proportedly backing them and so shocked about you not paying in.

It's a huge PR scam, enjoyed mainly by the gobbiest of the family, and where the others suffer quietly, as opposed to telling Rent-A-Gob to s*d off.

lolly1981

when i was PG with DS1 i suffered much of what you did, didnt want to go out, paranoid people where watching me, scared i was gonna get sick etc. it did get better unfortunatly for me it wasnt till after DS1 was born that it got better he was about 3 months. the doctor said it was depression, which when i look back at the situation i was in and the relationship i had its not hard to see how i couldve been depressed. the best thing you can do is talk to your doctor or midwife, often it feels better to just get it off your chest, what you have to remember is your hormones are all over the place. you are still waiting to live with your partner, you have problems with your family so you have a lot going on which can make things seem a whole lot worse, it will get better, you will feel better, it might just take a while.

its amazing how just one little upset in your life whilst pregnant can bring on a whole range of emotions and feelings that you wouldnt normally feel. something you would normally just shake off put down to a bad day can seem like the end of the world. all that matters is that at the end of the rollercoaster you will have a baby to look forward too, dont get me wrong it wont instantly make you feel better but it will make it more bearable. it takes a while for your hormones to get back to what they where.

just let your family get on with their beliefs, and problems...rmemebre they are their problems not yours. even if their problem is with you lol if that amkes sense. you have to do what makes you and your little family happy not the whole world .

hugs to you and hope you feel better soon xx

pinkshoes

It's your life, your baby, and none of their business, so regardless of what they say, just ignore them, and don't let you get them down!

You're 40, not 14!!

I have a great relationship with my family, but sometimes my mum drives me nuts, as she can be VERY opinionated when she doesn't approve. It's something that used to infuriate and really bother me when I was younger, but nowadays I just ignore her! The latest is her opinion on baby names (I'm 37w pregnant), of which she seems to dislike most the ones I mention, so I just won't discuss it with her now! I know she won't like the name we've (potentially) chosen, but tough!

Concentrate on your pregnancy and your lovely husband. If your family don't want to be supportive and choose to criticize you, then it's their loss, not yours.

sassyblue

Hushpuppie wrote: »

Now my problem is my family and the way they dislike the way i went about getting married and not involving the world! we are asian come form a very backward culture, I was born here and have not done anything wrong in fact, one of my older relatives paid me a visit last week and said how shameful it is and how people are 'talking' about us.

Firstly, ((((HUGS))))

Maybe your problems would all be solved if you weren't Asian if you understand what l mean. There is NO shame in getting pregnant and bringing life - a much loved and wanted for life - into the world.

You said you don't have any parents so how do you feel about losing these ones who came round and tried to make you ashamed? Have you any siblings? do they know, are they supportive?

Your hormones will be all over the place honey but you HAVE NOT let your baby down.

Ignore the ones who want to bring you down, they must live a miserable life only doing what they're told to by others. If you're an honest, caring person what does it matter what they think? They aren't caring to make you feel rubbish so don't waste another nanosecond on them

I wish you the very best of luck, being a mummy is wonderful :j

One more thing, if you really are being followed then you may need to talk to someone who can help with that? I don't know other than the police.