joint loan when getting divorced - i cant afford it

graciebelle

No - there is no money for takeways or sky movies!

My weekly shop is budgeted to around £40- £50 to include all food, household items and toilitries.
Petrol is budgeted.
Gas and electric are on a meter ( paying off old debts) and are budgeted.

Everything is budgeted. I dont smoke, i dont really drink ( maybe a few times a year) i dont gamble. I dont do drugs. I do have a basic sky package, with a phone line and free internet. I shop in primark. Everything is done on the cheap, but we dont go without.

I have been worrying so much about it, hes a real bully and was physically and emotionally abusive to me in our marriage, he has been just saying i have to get the money and its not his problem.

I almost agreed, which would leave me totally unable to eat or anythign.

Which is why i posted on here for advice before i call the bank myself.

He does pay csa, but its a lesser amount that the csa have set.
I have asked the csa to send him another letter saying how much he needs to pay and asking for the full amount. I have sent him an email asking for that amount as well.

My credit rating is rubbish. Ive accepted that. It probably cant get much worse. But i am paying it, just slowly. Its a result of circumstance. I had debts when we got married ( young) and was paying them. I told him i needed to stay in the uk to work and pay them, and he got us moved to germany. I was unemplpyed for 8 months when i got there, and then could only get a part time low paid job.

He then left me when our baby was 20 weeks old. leaving me homeless and abroad. i had to come back to the uk, get money for a deposit and rent, bills etc....

we got back together, i gave up my house, job etc..moved back in with him, ( and 75 miles away) only within 3 months to find he had been having yet another affair.

So yet again, i was homeles and job less and had to find another house, and deposit and set up again. Then i got a job, and lost it as they made redundancies, and then i was ill, and in hospital and unable to work.

Its been very expensive, and trying, but im doing the best i can.

Its just slow progress.

Emmzi

sounds like you are well rid.

yes, get the CSA to come down on him hard. And stop paying the loan, let him live with the consequences. What bank account does it come out of? If yours, immediately set up a new one for all yor bills and wages, pref. with a different bank to the loan company.

graciebelle

it comes out of his account. He has been paying it.

He has told me from jan it will come out of the joint account. He pays the csa money into the joint account. He refuses to pay it into my account.

I then have to go into the joint account and then move it. I suspect he pays it into the joint account, and is now moving the loan repyaments to be paid from the joint account, on the same day as the csa payment comes out so the loan is paid out of my csa money.

that is not going to happen. If i have to i will contact the csa and get the money taken from source. I have today sent him an email asking for the csa money to be paid directly into my account. If he does not respond or refuses, i will contact the csa on tuesday and request they collect from source.

My banking is with a different account to the loan company. In an account soley in my name.

Emmzi

don't mess about, get the CSA to take it from source. TODAY open a new basic bank account with a totally different bank, for your living expenses - coul get messy if your bank start using your account to reclaim arrears, which legally, they can do.

So, 1) new bank account.
2) Contact CSA as he is playing silly !!!!!!s with the child support. He is trying to use money as a control over you, which is what bullies do. Get it paid into your new account direct from source.

Take it from there.

Any chaance his parents would be helpful/ sympathetic? Are they close to their grandchild?

Apples2

Don't use the Child as a weapon in this spat.

The Child is completely innocent and cares for you both equally.


Do the other stuff though about the accounts.

graciebelle

noone has mentioned using the child as a weapon. I would not dream of doing so.

All i am asking is that the full amount, as calcuated by the csa ( who he contacted as he thought he would pay less) is paid.

I already have a seperate account, with a different bank in my own name.

I will contact the CSA, as you are right, he is messing me about with it. Its not my money, its his childs money and what she is legally entitled to.

He will go mad at me for doing so. I know this. But its tough. Im not doing anythign wrong.

I shall contact the bank on tuesday to explain the situation with the loan and see what are the possibilities.

I think the only way forward would be to reduce the montly payments and accept its going to take longer to pay off.

If he is not happy with that, then he can decide to pay make it up to £400 or not. The choice is his. But i can only pay what i can pay.

It just panicks me as he is bullying and is abusive. I have no access to legal advice as the legal aid system is under review either.

rhcp

graciebelle wrote: »

it comes out of his account. He has been paying it.

He has told me from jan it will come out of the joint account. He pays the csa money into the joint account. He refuses to pay it into my account.

I then have to go into the joint account and then move it. I suspect he pays it into the joint account, and is now moving the loan repyaments to be paid from the joint account, on the same day as the csa payment comes out so the loan is paid out of my csa money.

Why not just close the joint account. You don't have a need for it any more.

inmypocketnottheirs

How is your ex's credit rating? He may have more to lose than you if the payments are not maintained.

graciebelle

i dont know why he wont close it.
He just refuses to.

He says he will not pay the money to me in any other way than paying it into the joint account

For the last 20 months the only activity to have happened in that account is him paying the csa money in, and me taking it out the next day.

Its madness.

But i suspect it is a control thing.

And the other day he informed me he is transfering it so the loan payments come out of that account on the same day teh csa money goes in and it was my responsibility to make sure there was enough money in there to cover it.
He was probably thinking it would still show he had paid the csa money ( as he transfered it into that account under the name of csa) and the loan would be paid out of that csa money.

But he is wrong. That csa money is needed to provide for our child. I have asked him to pay it directly into my own account. If he refuses, which he has done several times in the past, i shall contact the csa tuesday and get them to collect the full amount from source.

His credit rating is also crap.

Emmzi

also inform the bank you want the joint account closed an, in writing, tell them under no circumstances is an overdraft facility to be allowed on it.