How do you guys cope with this?

MichMoor

Hello All,

I am just in the beginning phases of financial trouble, having moved out of house due to seperation, finances really getting stretched, threat of redundacy.

Have started to get advice but at mo up to date with all payments, but know worst is still to come but have good family and friends otherwise do not know how I will cope?

It is starting to get to me NOW, terrified of how I will be if/ when I get people chasing me, have to go through court appearences. How do you cope? I am quite sensitive and never dreamed I would find myself in this situation, do you go to the Dr?

Any suggestions on how I can cope when it gets worse would be gratefully recieved.

Cheers

dojoman

If you need to go to the Dr then go, they will be able to help you, I know mine did. I found this site invaluable for support/help, so come on here as often as you feel the need to, someone will always be around to help/support you

Sunnylooloo

Hi

I can only speak from my own experience, I am yet to acutally go BR but it still may be on on the cards I just don't know.....

I ended up for the past 10/11 months doing my own self managed DMP.

Regarding phone calls and threats of visits, you will find very good template letters around to stop those.

Are you acutally BR now or still in the process?

A lot of people post up their experience of the day they go to court and you will find that a help.

I'm glad you have great support from family and friends that really does mean a lot.

Good luck with everything.

Hanky3

Sounds like I'm a little further down the line with a similar kind of problem to yourself - separation, moving out, finding my finances just didn't add up no matter how I tried to cut expenses.

When I first started getting the letters and the endless telephone calls I got really upset and low. But then it suddenly occured to me - these people are just doing their jobs. Yes, they may be (for the most part) rude, arrogant, and sometimes aggressive, but ultimately they're doing what they're doing to pay their own bills. After I got this into my head it was much easier - I'd deal with them in a professional manner always thinking to myself: 'its only business'.

But the real thing that got me through the worst patch was coming up with an action plan to get out of debt. I did this by seeking help from the debt charities - these people really know their stuff and its amazing how much of a relief it is to get advice from people who really know what they're talking about.

When you have an action plan you get something back you really thought you'd never have again - control.

I ended up on a DMP, which in hindsight was probably a mistake for my own circumstances. But the thought of going bankrupt was just far too weird to contemplate even though this had been advised as my best option by the charities.

The DMP bought me a bit of time, but ultimately I lost my job in the current Great British Job Cull, and then didn't have any choice.

New plan - declare bankruptcy. Did this four months or so ago and - I'm not going to say things are easy, if it wasn't for my good lady keeping her job I'd be living on the streets and this makes me feel awful - but things are getting better.

And, thank God, no more phone calls and only the odd letter from former creditors which get filed in the bin.

Best advice - don't take it personally, seek help from the charities, come up with a plan to get through this, and always remember there IS light at the end of the tunnel.

Cheers.

dancingfairy

Hi - I'm not sure about how people cope with the letters /phone calls etc - but at the end of the day they can't have what you haven't got and a lot of the letters are computer generated - not aimed at you personally.
Oh and if the phone calls get too much you can write to them and tell them you will communicate in writing only.
I would defeinitely seek help as soon as you think there might be a problem and start shoring up what you can now - ie switching gas/electric, any phone contracts - basically shopping around for everything - o.k it may not be enough (depending on your situation) but the earlier you act the more you can fend off things.
Have a chat to one of the debt charities Martin recommends.
df

MichMoor

Sunnylooloo, not bankrupt yet, not even in arrears with anything, just getting very stretched due to moving out of house and juggling finances, selling things to keep going and praying for a miracle, we manage to sell house for something near what we need to clear debt on it.

Ok thanks for above, I got a bit upset this morning when I posted, still got joint finances with Mrs, cos too financially entwined to make complete split yet, tho she got a new fella which she thinks I do not know about and spending with him, I had to make £10 stretch a week till payday, too much isn't it?

Something gotta go and soon.

Thanks again.

Sunnylooloo

Ah I understand now....

I had a split too and still got a joint account with the ex that needs sorting. I too struggled for a long while before I decided that I was was going to do my DMP.

O gosh don't be silly about getting upset......... this is just one big rollercoster full of ups and downs, we all have some idea of how you are feeling and the main thing is to realised you are not alone - lots of us have been there. Doesn't make it any easier I know.

take care and look after yourself

x

MichMoor

Ok thanks to all, will concentrate on not letting it get me down too much, must remember not the only one to go thro this and find light at end of tunnel!

Sunnylooloo

Haha I know it all sounds a bit clich! - ish....... but at least you have somewhere you can come and let off steam and ask for advice etc etc

Just keep posting!!

x

Gemlou26

Hi,

I was in a similiar situation to yourself and knew that although I hadn't missed a payment yet, this could not continue. The way I made things alittle more easier on myself was to realise I was insolvent and act on it before all the chasing began. As soon as I knew I wasn't going to be able to make payments in the very near future I called one of the debt charities, researched all the options and decided which one was for me and went bankrupt within two weeks of that.

Looking back it was the best thing I could have done, I am of course not implying BR would be best for you, but I would advise you not get into the burying head in the sand senarios it will lead to more stress being chased and hassled etc than getting advice deciding which way to go and getting on with your plan of action.

Think of it more as a positive action you know your going to be in a mess to your taking positive steps to sort it out, yes there is a period of crappyness we all go through but that is nothing compared to letting it all get out of hand and dealing with these companies without anysort of action plan when they start getting nasty.

The national debt line has a pack with all the sample letters you can send to creditors if you want to go down that route, also they have a great info pack of DMP's, BR, and IVA's etc.

Hope all goes well for you.

MichMoor

Thanks Gemlou, yes I am starting to think of what you are proposing and starting to talk to the right people, tho the problem is my estranged wife to a certain degree is burying her head in the sand, but there again she is livin in a 3 bedroon detached with me payin half of everythin so why shouldn't she? A situation that really needs to change, tho I do not want to hurt her.

I am lucky I have family that have put me up for as long as I need, it is clear a lot of you guys have not got that, so I should consider myself lucky I suppose.

Cheers