separating from wife - unsure of how to proceed

mr-s_2

hey... in the last week me & the wife have decided to split. we have 2 kids so i have moved out of the house for now so that it is in the best interests of the children. our marriage has lasted 5months (which i am embarrassed about) but we have been together for nearly 10yrs and lived together for about 8yrs. the split isn't on really bad terms, just a breakdown of our relationship

i am looking for some advice on what to do in terms of the house etc... the wife is seeing a solicitor during the week so i will do likewise. i don't have issues with maintainance payments and my wife has said i can see the kids as often as i like so this is what i want.

can anyone advise what will happen with the house? the title deeds are all in my name and i have always paid the mortgage. i estimate there is approx £25k to be made if we sold up. would a solicitor allow me to re-mortgage and make a payment to the wife or would house to go to her & the kids (i live in scotland). also, is divorce possible after such a short time. sadly i don't see us reconciling our differences and i think we both want to move on

i really don't know anything about all this so any advice would be most appreciated

thanks

freyanneke_2

Sorry to butt in, but have you both sat down and wrote down what you expect to happen? She has said you can see the kids etc. , but have you got this all on paper? Not to hit her with it, but so you both know what you are working from in a realistic way forwards. I expect the house to stand there for a bit longer, but your children probably need to know what is going to happen next as you have already moved out.Getting divorced has given me more grey hairs than anything. I hope for you it goes faster and smoother than most. Good luck and stay strong.

mr-s_2

freyanneke wrote: »

Sorry to butt in, but have you both sat down and wrote down what you expect to happen? She has said you can see the kids etc. , but have you got this all on paper? Not to hit her with it, but so you both know what you are working from in a realistic way forwards. I expect the house to stand there for a bit longer, but your children probably need to know what is going to happen next as you have already moved out.Getting divorced has given me more grey hairs than anything. I hope for you it goes faster and smoother than most. Good luck and stay strong.

hi thanks for the reply

just wanted advice on legal aspect to be honest - yes the plan is for the kids to stay in the house for at least the next 6months so that there is as much normality as possible. eventually though things will need settled and it's all new to me...

fishhawks

Hi Mr-S

I am sorry to hear of the situation you are in, I think that you should speak to a solicitor and find out exactly where you stand, particularly when the house in in your name. Although I also live in Scotland I am not sure of the legal stuff, I have just split from my partner but as we wernt married my lawyer said if you can sort as much out ourselves that would save usts of money, and that we shouldnt need to go through the lawyer. I hope we can do this, we have had our disagreements already but he gets to see our child as much as he wants.

Only you can judge whether you and your wife can stay friends for the sake of the children, and whether you can both come to an agreement for the kids, as they need stability, but you will get to a position where you want to move on and will need to get the house etc all sorted and make the final split.

Good luck

rachel6188

I have no advice just I'm so sorry to hear about this and I hope you are doing ok, Rach x

ellay864

Assuming you're both in Scotland (I know you said you were) there's no time restriction for divorce - if it was England or Wales you would have to be married a year first. Have you considered mediation? This is where you sit down together with one person who does not represent either of you and is neutral. They advise you on what you can do legally re finances, children etc and let you reach an agreement together. It's much cheaper than each having solicitors serparately. Once you have that agreement you can then use that as a basis for any legal proceedings and when you sort out the house, payments etc

Empty_pockets

Not good, you're in the !!!! now, why marry? Don't know why people do it.

Always seems to be 'in the best intrests' for the man to be the one moving out.

Oh well, wish you the best.

mr-s_2

ellay864 wrote: »

Assuming you're both in Scotland (I know you said you were) there's no time restriction for divorce - if it was England or Wales you would have to be married a year first. Have you considered mediation? This is where you sit down together with one person who does not represent either of you and is neutral. They advise you on what you can do legally re finances, children etc and let you reach an agreement together. It's much cheaper than each having solicitors serparately. Once you have that agreement you can then use that as a basis for any legal proceedings and when you sort out the house, payments etc

excellent... thanks for this advice. to be honest, legal costs etc does worry me - i have no idea what to expect? things are pretty amicable between us at the moment so hopefully the legal side will be only be required for full closure

this may sound a stupid question - but can we both use the same solicitor to finalise details if we were happy with the proposal?

whatgoesaround_2

Hi mr-s
First and foremost im really sorry to hear of your situation. I am currently in the thick of it. If you are on amicable terms try to stay amicable! I live in scotland, Solicitors are very expensive, you'd be suprised how quicky a letter here and there add's up when a 2 minute phone call would have done for free. My bill is over 2k already and its been put on hold while i apply for legal aid. If you want the cheap solution stay friends and get a quick divorce with agreement after 1 years seperation and try to work out the money split between yourselves. If it gets ugly you will need a solicitor but i advise you to really try to keep it nice. you get the first 30 minute appointment with solicitor to ask questions.
All the best
x

ellay864

mr-s wrote: »

excellent... thanks for this advice. to be honest, legal costs etc does worry me - i have no idea what to expect? things are pretty amicable between us at the moment so hopefully the legal side will be only be required for full closure

this may sound a stupid question - but can we both use the same solicitor to finalise details if we were happy with the proposal?

We asked that but were advised not to (and I cant remember why now). We each had a solicitor to sign off for each of us. His did try to push him to challenge it but my XH said no. I suppose seeing as how you instruct a solicitor to act for you it is up to you to decide if you want to - I cant see why it shouldn't technically be possible. But even in our case it still saved so much. A few sessions of mediation cost a fraction of what 2 solicitors would have done.

zzzLazyDaisy

You can't have one solicitor acting for both, even if you have come to an agreement, because there is a conflict of interests. The solicitor has to advise the client of their legal rights and make sure that the client understands what he/she is signing.

There may be areas in the agreement that have been overlooked, such as the pension splitting laws on divorce, or the court's power to adjust the interest in property, especially where children are involved.

It might be that one party has agreed to the deal because they had not previously taken legal advice and did not understand their rights, and it might be that the other party knows this, and is taking advantage of their lack of understanding (not saying that is the case with OP)

Clearly it is likely to be in the interests of one party to keep quiet about these areas, but not in the interests of the other party, so it is impossible for the solicitor to give fair and impartial advice to both parties, due to the potential conflict of interests.