Married abroad...mum can't fly :o(

Miss_Orangey_Goodness

im getting married abroad next year. My mum cannot and will not fly (wont go to the docs for anything). She has panic attacks and has not been on a plane since 2002.

I knew this when I booked my wedding however it was just going to be an elopement, OH and myself and our son. Now people have said that they would like to join us and we have said fine, but we arent organising anything/sending invites out...just sort yourself out kinda thing.

I now feel a bit bad that i have done it this way and my mum cant be there, I think its because others are going to be there. Im sick of other people looking at me strange when I explain why my mum cant go...I dont know if they think I am awful getting married abroad knowing she cannot fly or whether they think she is awful that she just cannot go. I dunno...it just feels like something doesnt sit right with me.

(BTW...its for financial reasons and conflicts in the family why we are running away to do it otherwise it will never happen).

Oh and its Cyprus, not mainland europe so she cannot drive. There wasnt anywhere we liked mainland (or child friendly) as we didnt want picturesque (i.e. italy), we wanted a family holiday with our son.
Sorry for the whinge!

coolcait

Hiya

Maybe you need to take a step back and ask yourself what you think and what you want. Stop worrying about what other people will think.

You say that you chose to get married abroad because it was to be 'an elopement' - just you, your OH and your son. A family holiday with your son. You decided to do it this way for financial reasons and conflicts in the family.

Now, though, other people are going to be there. Not because you've invited them, or organised anything for them to be there. They're coming because they've said they want to join you and you have said fine, just sort yourselves out.

You and your OH need to decide what kind of wedding you really want.

Do you want it to be just you, your OH and your son, as you had originally planned? If so, you'll have to tell the people who want to be there/who have invited themselves that it's not that kind of wedding - that you want to just keep it as a special day for the three of you.

If you've now decided that you would actually prefer to have those other people there, then you need to consider how to explain all that to your mum, and maybe think of ways for her to 'be' there - webcam link/mobile phone video, perhaps? Assuming she's not part of the 'family conflicts' which made you want to 'elope' in the first place, of course.

As long as you have explained it to her, and the two of you have worked it out between you, that's all that's important. You don't have to explain her presence or absence to anyone else. It's none of their business - although you can always explain it more diplomatically than that.

I can only go by what you've written, and it does sound like you might have ended up in a situation where you had planned a wedding which would be right for you and your OH, but other people have effectively invited themselves, and you haven't been able to say 'no'.

If that's the case, then the obvious solution would be to tell them 'no' now.

I know that's much easier said than done - but it sounds like your current situation is pretty difficult anyway .

Good luck with whatever you decide!

LondonDiva

I love the internet :D - I googled sailing to Cyprus & this site came up:http://www.seat61.com/Cyprus.htm

It's possible to travel by train + ferry from the UK (or anywhere in Europe) to Cyprus, an exciting journey across Europe and the Mediterranean, although expect it to take at least 5 days. There are three options, each explained here:
London to Cyprus via ferry from Turkey : This is now the only practical year-round option from Europe to Cyprus;
London to Cyprus via ferry from Greece : All regular ferries have been suspended since 2001, but there may be cruises offering one-way voyages;
London to Cyprus via freighter from the UK & Italy : A limited number of passenger places are available on direct UK-Italy-Cyprus freight ships.

smcqis

struggling to find the reason for this post

Birdie85

smcqis wrote: »

struggling to find the reason for this post

Then why comment? All you've done is come on here and left negative comments on a load of threads. How nice and constructive of you! :mad:

smcqis

Some people are deluded and are better hearing the truth

Birdie85

By the way, the other posters have made very good comments, there is a way for your Mum to get there if she really wants to, if she still can't get there then don't feel guilty, it sounds like you were stuck between a rock and a hard place when people started to invite themselves! And if they've already booked you can't tell them not to bother now because they'll lose deposits if they cancel and you don't want to tell them not to come then find out that they've already booked, it'll make it awkward!

If people ask about it just say that you're eloping and some friends have decided to holiday at the exact same spot at the same time in an odd coincidence!

Don't worry about things that can't be changed now, just enjoy your day and I'm sure your Mum will be happ that you're happy!

smcqis

You could drug her an knock her out for a few hours im just joking

Horace

Your mum may surprise you and go on a fear of flying course to get over her fear of flying.

You could arrange to video the wedding or have a party when you get back so that she can see you in your finery.

Sallys_Savings

I didn't travel for years by aeroplane...it wasn't the case of flying but the point of being shut in. I too have suffered with terrible panic attacks. (some people really don't understand how frightening they can be).
I was hypnotised (spelling?) and havent looked back since.
It doesnt take the fear or the panic attacks away but it helps you control them. Its quite difficult to understand but it has really helped me. I feel alot more calmer and take time out for "myself" before flying. The session was taped and I listen to my tape a couple of days before flying, the night before, sometimes at the airport and just before take off. I am able to take myself into a calmer more peaceful place by using the tape.

I wish you all the best

Miss_Orangey_Goodness

Thanks for your comments - its good to hear your opinions/advice.
I have emailed the wedding planner re the video link idea and she said she has done one before but it is delayed so will look into doing a "real time" one so thats a great option, I would never would have thought of that.
My dad in fact has been looking into that Seat 61 website and said he will get her there. I dont know why Im getting upset now about it as I knew the situation when I booked it but I think its because its being pushed from an elopment to a traditional wedding. I need to nip it in the bud now you're right. Although OH is getting excited that his dad/brother have said they would love to come out so I feel a bit unfair on him saying well actually no one is coming so maybe we will let the "invite yourselves" guests to come....probably half will drop out anyway!
My mum said so longs as I have a party when I come back so I will get her to help me organise that and pick out my dress to get her involved.
Thanks again guys