How can I start a family in this situation??

summerday

Hi there,

If you can pay down your debts first it will be so much better. But without being too nosey I would say do consider your age at present. For example if you are in your early twenties then you should have plenty of time to pay off the debts and have a family. But if you are say in your mid 30's or later then time is not so much on your side, and maybe you should prioritise starting your family soon, as I know that if I left it too late for whatever reason and wasn't able to conceive it would be very hard to live with. You obviously want a family hun so I wouldn't want that to happen to you.

Before anyone jumps in, yes I know that some younger people can't conceive anyway, and some older people conceive easily, I'm just speaking generally.

katskorner

It isn't impossible to have a child and debt. We have two children - one nearly 3 and the other 8 months old - born in Feb this year. In July this year I found out my husband had been hiding debts of £54000 that I knew nothing about. Couldn't send my little ones back so we have had to manage. And to be honest I am glad I didn't know about the debt in a way before I got pregnant because otherwise I may not have my beautiful baby.

It will take us a long time to completely clear the debts my husband has accrued but at least I have my boys to brighten the days!

mrslawrence2003

if i were you, the prospect of being on a DMP and having a baby would terrify me. yes i would love kids, but there is no way in hell i would do it at the mo when we owe so much money and our financial position is so unstable - the same way i would not entertain the thought of having kids if my relationship with my husband was on the rocks.

in all honesty - if i were you i would give myself a time limit - eg 2 or 4 years in which to clear as much debt as poss and also perhaps build up savings, and only then consider starting a family at the end of those 2 or 4 years. there are too many children suffering in this world as it is, and until i can be sure that i have done all i can to make the home/family/financial environment as stable as possible then i wouldnt have them.

having said that, i clearly have strong views on this which others will not agree on. as u can see, other members here have managed having children and being in debt very well and are very happy. i guess it depends on what your priorities are, how strong you are and your husband, how prepared you are to give up the things and lifestyle you enjoy for the sake of your child.

Brassic

Absolutely MrsLawrence. My children (all 3) still get to go to one paid for afterschool club a week, and get christmas and b'day presents etc, whereas hubby and I don't go out, and don't get presents/treats etc. Tis worth it in the end though - we are both deeply comitted to being debt free in as short a time as possible, and then we can spoil them both properly, and maybe do something for ourselves too.

itswhat

I had to chip in this thread.
the back story: we had some debt but not too bad, a little cc stuff nothing scary. We carefully looked at our finances and decided that we cold afford to have baby. I could stop working, then go back to doing agency work at the place where I had been employed once baby arrived, fitting around OH work. So no childminding costs- family didn't live nearby.
fantastic- less than a month:eek: later I did the pregancy test and was postive:beer: OH came home that night having been made redundant:mad:

he was out of work for 3 months, what little payout he got went on day to day living. he did get another job but it meant moivng house, doubling the mortgage and loosing my salary, no chance of working for the old company as they were too far away and family to far away to help with child care.
15 years later we are still trying to get out of the hole that caused- we did make some unwise spending choices too, and could have done much better if MSE had been around then;)

So the moral?- there isn't one. We were sensible and resposnible and life still kicked us in the teeth.
In retrospect I would have preferred to have been debt free when we decided to have a nipper but life isn't always simple is it? I think in the same postion I would try and clear off as much as possible by a certain date. Then you will have spare money for champagne and candles:p

Whatever you choose- good luck

Storm

Hello Mrs Mathers! :hello:

I haven't been on a DMP myself, but I believe they are reviewed as circumstances change, so if you became pregnant you could contact whoever who've done it through (just make sure it's one of the free ones, CCCS or PayPlan) and they'll negotiate again on your behalf with your creditors.

As for whether you should go on a DMP, or delay having a baby - my personal choice if I were in your situation would be to set a time limit to try and pay off as much as possible (i.e. cancel all non-essential items like Sky/cable, gym memberships, new clothes, holidays, going out etc) to try and make a decent dent over a year for example (cancelling all these things would also give you & OH lots of time to practise your baby-making skills

There's loads of support on these boards for bringing up children on a tight budget, so when the time comes there will be plenty of support for finding the cheapest way to do things!

I know I'm repeating other people, but if you post a full SoA for you & your OH including the hosehold bills he pays etc then the fab people on here will be able to see more where cuts can be made for your household.

Facing up to debts is the worst bit, which you've already done, so congrats on that - and enjoy your practising!

Storm

mrsmather1

Thank you all so mcuh for your advice.

Think I will set hubby down tonight and have a good chat to come up with an action plan.

You have all made some really good points and I will take these away with me. Once I have these sorted I post a more accurate SOA for you to look at.

At last I have finally owned up to our debts - feeling slightly better!

Thanks once again!