How can I start a family in this situation??

tyllwyd

Five years to pay everything off doesn't seem so bad. As someone else said, you wouldn't have the baby tomorrow, even if you and your husband started trying tonight (!) Do you have to be completely debt free before the baby is born - could you look at the figures to see when the debt might be down to a managable level on one salary (or two salaries plus childcare).

There is child benefit, of course, and you might be entitled to some tax credits.

But the other problem is what would happen if you had complications in your pregnancy - if you can manage to work through the pregnancy and go back quite quickly that is great, but that isn't the situation for all women so you would have to think about that.

mrsmather1

Thanks for all your replies - am feeling a little bit attacked here though. I'm sure its not intentional but just wanted some sound advice on DMP's.

My husband isn't terribly good with money - over the last 3 years things have gotten better (although not sure if this is entirely true given me posting on here) so I tend to look after a lot of the financial things.

I have left stuff of my SOA because he looks after them. And food is quite low because my husband pays for fooding shopping also.

I think the spending diary is a good idea as it just seems to go and I don't have much to show for it really although we don't go out that often or splurge.

If anyone could give some experiences of DMP I'd be grateful.

Thanks

Brassic

Not quite sure why you're feeling attacked - there has been lots of good advice on here. You really need to post a joint soa though. Hubby and I have seperate accounts (mainly cos no one will give us a joint account :rolleyes: ) but I still work eveyrthing out jointly, our debt is joint, as is our spendings.

Edited to add - can't really comment on the dmp, as I did look into getting one, but due to remortgage coming up in 3 years am currently doing everything I can to avoid one!

Gal

I think what people are trying to say is for a proper and true SoA you need to join his outgoings along with yours and join both your wages together. That way you can see exactly what is going where and how much you have left over. At the moment your SoA is only half the truth. How can you possibly know the full extent of your income if your only getting £400.00 from your other half.

You can set up a joint account with any bank (A new account - A & L even offer them online), and then tackle the problem you have together. If you see you have a large amount left over then tackle some of the debt.

End of the day regarding a family its your decision and one that only you can make.

quantumleap

Sorry you're feeling attacked. Everyone on here very genuinely wants to help and the advice you've benn given is very productive. Sometimes it is difficult hearing things that perhaps you don't want to. However, we are all looking at you're situation and clearly seeing some issues that you should deal with in order to ensure that you get to where you want to go.

Unfortunatly I can't give advice and the DMP but I'm sure someone else will.

rchddap1

No-one is attacking you. Having a baby is a joint thing. And at the moment you are presenting your situation as a one sided issue if you understand. All people are saying is that you both need to sit down and work out a budget together if you want to clear this debt before tackling a baby (which from previous posts it sounds like you do).

People here can help you in clearing the debt, but can't do so without all the information. And half the information is missing because you have only posted your SOA, and nothing about your partner's situation.

I am 7-8 months pregnant at the moment and will have to rely on my partner to support us. For me this is a very scary thing to do, as I like to feel like I am 'paying my way' so to speak. However, because of our babe we have sat down and worked out an estimated joint budget.

There is no 'his and hers'....just 'ours'. Chances are I'll take responsibility for spending, as he isn't too great with finances either, but I'm going to have to trust him on numerous things. All the cash will go into one big pot and all the bills will be paid out of that. If either of us has a debt, then its our joint problem that we work together to solve. Not just for our sake, but for that of our baby.

As for food....we are currently averaging around £80 per month for 2 people and there are people around on the Old Style boards who can do better.

Just because a DMP is an option, it doesn't mean that you have to go down that route. There are other possibilities. But without that full detail of your joint finances no-one can make suggestions on where you can save and what you could do.

Whatever you decide to do it is going to be a tough road, and you'll need to be determined to beat the debt.

skintasusual

me and my OH had a good chat last night about this very thing

my debt hopefully will be gone in 4 years and we can think about babies then!!

I see a lot of familys struggling for money with small children

BUT

you never know what could happen in the future, and family is more important than money will ever be.

Brassic

skintasusual has made me remember another good point - it can be heartbreaking not to be able to give your kids what they want (although you have to be tough to realise they don't need *everything* they ask for! :rolleyes: I can't wait to be out of debt so I can start to treat them again and stop saying NO so much

quantumleap

I'm the father of a two year old and we have another on the way. My wife and I are very fortunate in that any debt we had was small and was cleared before me married. However, I would add that I don't think it is impossible to start a family whilst in debt, as long as you have thought everything through and are working together towards clearly defined targets that you know are achievable based on you're earnings and circumstances.

I think what most people on here, myself included, are pointing out is that there does appear to be a mine and his type feel to you're posts and in order to get to where you want to go and do it in you're timeframe this probably can't be the case on any level.

As I've said before I wish you well. And please don't give up on the board because you've had a few replies that aren't what you expected, everyone means well.

jobbingmusician

quantumleap wrote:

And please don't give up on the board because you've had a few replies that aren't what you expected, everyone means well.

Absolutely! I hope I didn't upset you, I was just trying to give you things to think about to make sure you've addressed all the angles (and trying to make sure we've given the best advice we could, by trying to understand all the angles!)

Good luck whatever you decide, and this board is always here for support.