'common law wife' ? ...

thorsoak

No wonder these relationships don't last - obviously trust is the last thing on any of the minds of those people who have experienced these "scheming hussies".

Why don't you just advertise for in-bed lodgers? Solve all the problems!

InMyDreams

What happens if (by some miracle) the relationship survives? At what point will you consider her to be an equal and not insist that she doesn't leave a paper-trail of her existence? At what point does she start to be able to build up her own pot of equity or will you expect her to buy her own house for that? At what point do you stop being concerned only with your interests and start to consider hers too? (I mean long-term ones... not just that you are saving her money in rent by moving her in.)

You say she will be 'contributing' to food and utilities... is this just to cover the extra it will cost you to have her living there?

You say "she would be living at my house CHEAPER than it would be to rent anywhere" which implies that you will be expecting more than just her share of food and what ever the extra utilities may cost, but some sort of (albeit discounted) rent too. (Even charging no rent and just splitting utilities/council tax etc half and half means that you will end up quids in compared to living on your own.) It implies to me that you too stand to gain financially from this arrangement (unless you are kicking another lodger out to make space for your new one). Which means that however you try to disguise it or call it something else, she *is* helping you to build up equity in your house.

You think that she should not be entitled to anything because her living costs will be lower, but so will yours be. So why is 100% of the profit yours? You expect her to be the grateful, indebted one, handing over her cash so that you can claim to be the one paying 100% of all the bills and any home improvements. You are so worried about getting ripped off in the future that you can't see past how you are treating your current 'girlfriend'.

Yes there's a balance to protecting yourself and trusting your partner, but in life there are some risks you just have to take or you won't have any sort of life at all. Every time you get behind the wheel of a car, you are taking a risk, but you weigh up that risk and decide whether the gain is worth it. Occasionally that gamble goes wrong, but hopefully the worst is just a dent bumper. Is this new lady worth the risk? If not, either do the decent thing and move on so you can both get on with your lives, or give yourselves a bit more time to find out before you share your life with each other so intimately. Whatever she is, she's not a lodger. Please don't treat her like one.

Shakethedisease

I hope you've had a vasectomy... Or you make it 100% absolutely sure there will be no children involved should you get 'stung'. (don't know your respective ages ).

But obviously don't trust your women very much. And I doubt you love the poor lady in the true sense of the word very much either.

There's being 'sensible' about finances, and then there's just being a little too cynical about life.

pickledonionspaceraider

Hi James, I understand your worries if things go wrong in the future totally. Do you think it might be worth your while going to visit with a family law solicitor for an hour, and just asking a few questions on how you may protect your finances, should the need arise

babyfruitella

Why are you actually planning on letting this girl move in with you? You clearly dont trust her one bit! I'm pretty sure if she read all this on here, she wouldnt WANT to move in with you anyway. Your attitude towards this relationship is awful.

InMyDreams

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

Hi James, I understand your worries if things go wrong in the future totally. Do you think it might be worth your while going to visit with a family law solicitor for an hour, and just asking a few questions on how you may protect your finances, should the need arise

Why don't you protect your finances by not accepting a penny from her? If it's all '100% yours, your, yours' then why would you expect to make any money from her at all? She is not a cash cow and you, sir, are no knight in shining armour.

Then she can save the difference in a totally separate account which will be 'hers, hers, hers (and her little one's)' thereby protecting herself should you ever show yourself up to be the disreputable one. There we are, you are both financially protected. :T

Now we need to worry about her protecting her little one. When she asks you for a CRB check, I assume you will be obliging. Or are you expecting her to trust you that you will be safe to have arround her child?

InMyDreams

OK, this thread had got me so incensed that I have to admit to looking up some of your past posts to see if I can work out what is making you so cynical. There are clearly unresolved issues eating away at you and I'm worried I've been a bit judgemental. My apologies.

Is this the girlfriend who is £25K in debt due to previous house repossession? https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2671881

If so, I have a suggestion of a compromise for both of you.

You let her move in to your home but do not accept a penny from her except a modest food contribution. Certainly nothing over what the extra expenses are of having her live with you. That way, you can morally claim that your house is still 100% yours should the relationship not last, but at the same time you are financially no worse for having her move in. You are not paying anything for her.

She pays 100% (or more) of what she was paying in rent back to the bank to try to clear her 25K debt as fast as possible. In this way her financial interests are being met too, should you ever split up, and you can hold your head up high. If you don't ever split up, it is in your mutual interests that her debt is repaid asap and her credit rating repaired.

Win, win for both of you. You pay down your mortgage, she pays down her debt, and the house is out of the equation. Once her debt is repaid, if the relationship lasts that long, maybe you can then start to plan a more integrated future together. By helping her to be in a position to repay her debt like this, you can show that you do have hope and faith that the relationship will last, but at the same time protect your home.

Jackinbox99

Clearly some strong feelings on here regarding this subject.

Just because you want to protect your investment doesnt mean you dont trust your girlfriend. In my case with the 1st girl I lived with, she was happy because she was saving money & didnt have the stress / worry of mortgages, bills, landlords etc. and got to live in a nice big house for less than her flat was costing.

Several years later when I lived with another girlfriend, she lived with me for 12months and didnt pay me a penny. I paid for everything, even though she was earning more money than me. She managed to save a small fortune over the 12 months then dumped me and moved out.

Now, after dating my current GF for 2 years she is going to move in. Whilst I trust her atm, from my personal experience you never know how people will feel or act in years to come. I will own the new house outright, with no mortgage, so 100% of equity is mine. She is moving in and not paying any equity or lump sum towards the house. She will pay an amount each month to me, towards living in the house. I think thats a perfectly fair arrangement. If the boiler goes, or if the house needs any work then I am paying for it. There is nothing to stop a GF going out and buying her own place as an investment, and I certainly wouldnt expect her to give me half of that.

If both partners are contributing towards a house, then of course its different, i.e. if the house is worth 150k, one partner puts in 100k and the other 50k, then obviously any major work, or any profits in the house need to be split 2/3 and 1/3 accordingly.

Where does it all change? Well if both parties are happy with the arrangement then why should it change? In my case, obviously when we get married, or have kids then things may change then and we`ll split our assets 50/50 or whatever.

JimmyTheWig

Jackinbox99 wrote: »

Prior to moving into my house, she was paying £650 a month rent / bills on a flat. So, when she moved in, we had a chat and agreed she would pay me £400 a month towards living in the house.
Once we split up, her parents werent happy and got a solicitor to write to me claiming she was entitled to half of my house. Quite where they got that from I dont know, as theoretically she had "saved" £250 a month for 4 years!

Remember that you saved £400 a month on the deal, too.

motoko

If she pays 1/2 of all the other bills, but you continue to pay the entire mortgage repayment, then there is no reason to think she would be entitled to any share of the house if you split up. However if she pays 1/2 of everything including the mortgage, then she should be entitled to 1/2 of the increase in equity over the time she has contributed. Of course if she is paying money into your account and you are still paying all the bills, then its hard to say what she is / isn't contributing to, so this is probably not such a great idea.

I'd suggest you start off by sharing all the bills except the mortgage to keep things simple. It could be worth opening an account just for bills & food (joint or otherwsie), to make it clear what she's contributing to and to keep the joint bills separate from any individual expenditure. Maybe when you've been living together a while, if you're pretty sure you're staying together, it could be worth adding her name to the mortgage / deeds of the property etc and sharing the mortgage repayments.