money given as a gift

purplepardalis

It sounds like you may be doing her a favour by not releasing any money to her. If this guy loves her then he will not mind at all that she can't get it. If he is trying to scam her then you can prevent that from happening. Either way it's win/win. Well, your mum may get her heart broken by a scammer but at least you're not giving him any money

vaio

peachyprice wrote: »

Which brings us right back to the question, if he is that wealthy why are they so desparate for the money from the house?.......

I've not seen anything that suggests desperate, as I said above if he sees money invested in an uncertain if not falling market then it’s entirely sensible to get it out and use it for something better before house prices fall even further.

peachyprice wrote: »

....People with money generally don't want to be tied financially with those who don't, it leaves them wide open when things go wrong.

Nothing wrong with people who live together regarding all money as joint, it's what has happened in my house for the last 25 years and in my parents & grandparents households for 100 years before that so I’d even say it’s normal. I can’t imagine having “his” & “hers” money, it’s all “ours”

The other possibility is that it’s all a big con and he’s out to run off with her money but the fact that he’s bought gold presents, a cruise and a house tend to suggest this is not the case.

hannah29_2

vaio wrote: »

I've not seen anything that suggests desperate, as I said above if he sees money invested in an uncertain if not falling market then it’s entirely sensible to get it out and use it for something better before house prices fall even further.



Nothing wrong with people who live together regarding all money as joint, it's what has happened in my house for the last 25 years and in my parents & grandparents households for 100 years before that so I’d even say it’s normal. I can’t imagine having “his” & “hers” money, it’s all “ours”

The other possibility is that it’s all a big con and he’s out to run off with her money but the fact that he’s bought gold presents, a cruise and a house tend to suggest this is not the case.

its still a possibility its a con in my eyes, he says its gold she believes him, i have not seen it.....also doesnt mean he has bought it legitimately. she has said he has bought a house however she was very reluctant to give me details of where it is and scooted round the issue, bearing in mind this is the town i grew up in, so it may not be true.
as for the cruises they have been on 2 in a year and have another booked. cruises nowadays are not expensive and these are not luxury cruises just simple med ones in a small cabin, to my mother who hasnt been on holiday in 20 years let alone abroad these are pure indulgence
i think we are going to leave things as they are at the moment and see what she does next. i think with legal advice she may find she has no claim on the money from the house, which in my opinion i am praying happens . that way no one loses out and she will always have a home whatever happens. however if she has then we will have to sell lose money ourselves and let her go her own way and wish her lots of luck
thanks for all the thoughts and opinions
hannah

hannah29_2

vaio wrote: »

Finally, I’m just a non-empathetic bloke (so could well be wrong) but when I read your OP the first thought that came into my mind was “ahh, daughter not happy that mother has new man” so that’s maybe something else to think about.

thanks for that and sorry i have to respond but if she marries this guy it will be her 6th marraige! am quite used to having various father figures throughout my life and to be honest whilst she is wrapped up in him she is not on the phone to me every 5 minutes!
i also love the fact she is getting out and about again rather than being stuck at home alone in a chair all day - no issue at all with her having a male friend/companion just feel a little uneasy about the situation which was running smoothly till he came along

NAR

Think you are wise to keep status quo for as long as possible. Hopefully he will turn out to be the genuine article and your mother has many happy years with him. If he is not then it will come to light over the next few months and you will be glad you helped avoid a bad situation.
If house is to be sold put a high sale price on it which will put buyers off and therefore house is unlikely to be sold.

go_cat

i would be very cautious, your mum sounds a little dazzled by all the attention and may not be thinking straight- what a good job you are sensible

I think it may be a scam but then I am of a suspicious nature, not wanting to worry you but the bits he has bought her how do you know he had paid for them and he is not thousands of pounds in debt and is wanting you mum for her money?

Has she checked her credit record recently?

Sorry I am sure he is a nice man but as i said im suspicious first and then if they prove themselves all well and good

peachyprice

hannah29 wrote: »

he has for a while but has decided due to their age and the fact he has money to burn he wanted to buy somewhere so if mum goes before him he would have his own place rather than relying on us

Where was he living before he moved in with your mum then, has he sold his own house already?

*Louise*

Wow - no wonder your alarm bells are ringing!!

I honestly think what you need to do is sit down with your mum and TALK face to face. On your own. Emails are worthless, you don't knwo who's prompting her etc.

It does sound like the moeny is a gift, certainly if she has never discussed you paying anything back before now.

If she insists, then I would point out that she will lose a % of any equity loss plus I think deducting a fair amount for rent would be fair as well. Maybe that would be a wake up call for her, she certainly hasn't kept to her side of the arrangement.

gratefulforhelp_2

Either as ailuro says, sell and give her the deposit minus the years of rent, or sell and give her her share of the equity adjusted for any loss in the sale price of the house.

If she has said "you may as well have the money now you'll get it anyway" that sounds very much like a gift, though. I don't think your mum has any say if you decide to let the house out - you could let her have the rent as an alternative to the equity, that way the potentially dodgy new husband wouldn't have access to a lump sum.

DVardysShadow

Could you actually sell this house and make back all of your mortgage payments? If you could, then the rest would be mother's, but I would not hand it over to her direct, I would only put it towards a house where she is on the deeds.