Feel really trapped

rb80

Hi
Sorry - long post!

I posted the following a few months ago
"I started a new position in Monday as an administrator for a community organisation and I hate it! I don't like anyone who works there and we have nothing in common - they are all a lot older than me. The atmosphere isn’t nice. The work is a lot different from what I thought it would be and I have realised that there will be many aspects of the role which I wont enjoy. I'm meant to be replacing a lady who will be going off on maternity leave next week so she has been training me but I can't live up to the standards she has set. I don’t know what to do? I've just come home in tears as I hate it so much but I cant not have a job! Do I carry on and hope it wil get better? Is 3 days enough to judge a new job? Thanks"

I received some great advice and decided to stay to test the water there. Well, I've learnt to always trust your instincts as I still really really hate and I don't know what to do! I feel completely trapped in the job! Because I have now been there for 4 months it is too long just to leave and just not include in my CV and it will be a gap in my employment and not look good. But if I leave properly I will get a bad reference from them and I looks bad just leaving a job after 4 months. So I can't win really. I don’t know what to do and it's really getting me down. Every morning I have to force myself to go and there have been times where I have to stop myself from walking out. The thing is it's not just a rubbish job it's a good job with a highly respected organisation and a very good salary so that makes it even worse as I know that leaving there will reflect badly on me and I will never find something as well paid. Any advice will be greatly received.

tanith

Well the sensible thing to do is look for another job while you carry on for the time being... they won't be able to give you a 'bad' reference . Just don't be too picky with looking for a new job as any job is better than one you hate.. good luck

Jeff_Bridges_hair

Yeah - why dont you just carry on looking for another job whilst gritting it out at your current work place - you never know you may find something similarly well paid.

but whilst your doing that - have you sat down with your line manager about these problems? Maybe the whole work force feels the same and they dont think they can approach the line manager so maybe thats a start.

Have you thought about what you may be able to do to improve your workplace at all? Whilst the onus should not be on you It may give you something to do so it doesnt feel so cold and inhospitable. do you have regular team meetings? If not organise one? Get every one to speak about what the problems are - see if you can work on turning things round - you never know you could get an unexpected promotion for doing so and if nothing else by the time you leave it may make it a nice place for whoever it is that comes in to fill your space.

ariarnia

if you were saying that it's to cover maternity leave then surely it's at least half over? Can you stomache it for just a little while longer? and as said above, keep looking for more work/sending out applications.

KiKi

rb80 wrote: »

Every morning I have to force myself to go and there have been times where I have to stop myself from walking out. The thing is it's not just a rubbish job it's a good job with a highly respected organisation and a very good salary so that makes it even worse as I know that leaving there will reflect badly on me and I will never find something as well paid. Any advice will be greatly received.

My advice is this: you haven't stated exactly what you hate about it. If it's a good job (which you say) and a good salary (which you also say) then I think you should make an effort to try and change the things you hate.

I was in a job I detested. The job was good, but I couldn't stand the senior manager I worked for. I forced myself to do the 1.5 hour commute every morning. Thing is, it wasn't actually as terrible as I made out; because I really didn't like my boss it made everything seem awful, but actually, there were some very good aspects. So I sat down and told her what I was feeling and we were able to resolve lots of the issues.

I know what it's like to feel trapped in a job and hating it. But - and I don't mean this unkindly - you're not actually trapped. You have a choice about what you do about it, and you can take action. You might risk your job, potentially, but I think it's unlikely give that you're covering maternity leave. You might actually find that there are lots of things that are good - it's just that one or two things taint your experience.

Also, re your comments on 'everyone there is older than me' - so what?! Not liking them as people is one thing, but don't write them off because they're not the same age as you. Maybe that mentality stops you joining in or making more of an effort - I don't know.

But take action and do something about it, or look for a new job. You're not trapped; you have a choice about what to do.

KiKi

paulwf

If you leave I can't see why they would give you a bad reference. People come and go from organisations all the time.

If you word your CV correctly I think you can make it look ok. It's a short term contract so you took it to gain new skills and take on new challenges whilst giving you time to find your ideal position. Nothing wrong with that

Jeff_Bridges_hair

By law you are not allowed to give a bad reference*. They wouldnt give you a glowing one but they cannot give you a bad one unless you got dismissed for gross misconduct or something


*As far as im aware

Linda32

rb80,

You could have been me writing 3 years ago, it got a little bit better for me, but not much, although that was down to the fact that the environment was far to busy and fast paced for me, almost 3 years to the day I started I was made redundant.

Mine was to cover maternity leave, but the lady who was leaving was the bosses daughter, so of course, she could just leave and then come back as and when she wanted :cool: so my position was always perminant.

I have to say, it was genuine that I was made redundant, last in first out, and they lost a lot of council contracts (school bus service)

Anyway, back to you, I noticed you say that you don't get on with any of them, well, if my OH was here, he would say "they don't have to be your friends, you just work with them" One girl I worked with said to me, something along the lines of "well, you don't tell us anything about you either, so we can't talk to you" - depends which option you prefer, mine or OH's

When I left, I know that the three girls are friends of mine.

If you really are this unhappy, and as I've been there I can understand, if I'd have followed my own advise, talk to whoever you feel best comfortable with, explain the various reasons why you are not happy, and if you can all draw up a solution.

Best of luck

Sambucus_Nigra

tanith wrote: »

They won't be able to give you a 'bad' reference

Off topic - but where do you get this from please?

Linda32

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Off topic - but where do you get this from please?

I don't think you can give a bad reference either, but nether do I know where I've got it from.

However, unfortunately, by not giving a glowing reference, it rather speaks for itself

ariarnia

you can give a fact based reference. i.e. left half way through 8 month contract