Anxiety about labour

Jo_R_2

Hi all

Am in search of some advice, I don't know if anyone can relate or just offer some thoughts as I don't know what to do...

I am currently 37 weeks' pregnant with my fourth baby. DD1 was a natural birth at 41+1. DD2 and DS were both three weeks over; DD2 was induced and had waters broken after concerns with placenta, and with DS I started labour naturally then also had waters broken to speed things up, happening after an induction was booked for the next day duer to concerns over the amount of amniotic fluid. These two were both planned home births but ended up being hospital births.

I was vaguely hoping for a HB this time, but am realistic in realising this may not happen.

The trouble is, as time has passed, I have grown more and more anxious about labour. Sounds silly doesn't it - I've done it three times! However... it has gotten to the point where I am basically a massive ball of pent-up anxiety and this is expressing itself physically - for the last three weeks I've been waking in the night with stomach cramps (not baby-related) like when you get a tummy upset, and spending hours awake because of this.

I've started having what I think are panic attacks, I had one today and it was horrible. Really hard to explain what it felt like but I got all sorts of worries going through my head and my adrenaline was in overdrive, I just couldn't calm myself down, we were out and I was waiting in the car for OH and I had to call him to come back because I was petrified I was on my own and something was going to happen with the baby - I keep having this (irrational?) fear that the baby's just going to "arrive" when I'm on my own, or something's wrong as I've been getting what my rational mind tells me are usual pregnancy aches and pains but my panicked mind says might be something else.

OH even suggested last week taking me to see the doctor again - when I asked why he said he thought I might be depressed and I laughed it off because it hadn't crossed my mind but these last few days have been awful and I honestly don't know how I am going to cope until baby arrives. I just feel like crying most of the time and I dread the evenings in case baby decides to arrive then - I don't really know why, a morning birth feels more mamageable than anything in the afternoon/evening/night - I also worry about being sooo tired when I start labouring.

After going over and over it in my mind I have been seriously considering asking to have an elective c-section. It's worlds apart from my original plan for a HB but I am seriously struggling and my worry is that any anxiety and depression may not "go" when baby is born. I have a history of severe depression, including postnatal so it is a huge worry for me. I feel so anxious that I am worried I'm going to lose the plot at some point if I don't do something, whatever "something" is, to make me feel better.

As I say I do realise this may sound rambled but my head is all over the place and I don't know what sounds rational and what doesn't?

pigpen

Your post doesn't sound rational.. this sounds like a case of cold feet.. like before you get married for example..

For a start you have done this before and you know what to expect which is where this fear is stemming from.

Think about the kind of birth you DO want.. a nice quiet homebirth or a hospital birth.. is there a birthing centre nearby? it may give you a compromise between the 2. A section without just cause or reason is a bad idea.. recovery time for a start makes it impossible with 4 children.. you wouldn't even be able to lift the kettle to make a cuppa for the first week.. it isn't a sensible idea.

talk about what it is you are scared of.. is it the feeling of lack of control? is it the pain? you need to discover where the fear is coming from before you can move forward.

It may all go lovely and smoothly and simply.. just a thought.. have you tried the hypnobirthing CD's? They are meant to be fabulous for calming and preparing for the birth.. they might be something worth looking at.

Jo_R_2

Thanks pigpen.

Reading back my post does sound jumbled but will try to explain some bits if that helps.

Is definitely something to do with the lack of control and fear of pain. I don't "do" labour well. Of course it's not a walk in the park for most women! The first thing is I don't have anything like a warm-up or precursor to labour. My body launches straight into intense contractions which I find hard to handle.

Secondly are the circumstances surrounding my 'extended' pregnancies. I have had a hard time feeling like I have to justify my decisions previously to continue pregnancy after T+12. Midwives seem to be okay but I have had some nasty things said to me by doctors. I of course take it very seriously, I am of the mind that as long as baby is happy in there then they will come out when they're ready but seems this isn't good enough for some and I don't know if I have the strength to 'argue' this again.

Pain relief is an issue too. Gas and air does nothing for me, I have used pethidine a couple of times but it doesn't always take the pain away, just makes me spaced out. I have a curvature of the spine and ever since knowing this I have had a horrible fear of getting damage to my spinal cord and thus not being able to feel my legs - it's odd to explain but it puts me off any kind of pain relief that will numb my lower body - ironic really considering my last-resort thought of a c-sec!

We don't have a birthing centre nearby unfortunately although there are good facilities at the local hospital including birthing pools which is something I have considered briefly.

I have used hypnobirthing CDs previously; although I found them useful in pregnancy to relax and for 'coping' techniques during labour, that was it. I think I was hoping for some miraclulous natural pain relief that didn't happen:(

blondette31

I had my DD1 in November 09 and after having two very difficult births with my two sons especially DS2 ending in theatre I was petrified when I found out I was pregnant. Over the weeks and months after I found out I was pregnant I become so anxious and worked up about how the birth would end up and made my mind up I wanted an elective section. I spoke to a couple of doctors who simply would not give into me and I like you resorted to asking many others for advice. Someone advised me to look at hypnobirthing and I bought a book, I have to say this really helped me and made me feel so much more positive and made me feel like I could be more in control of the birth if I just got over the anxiety from my previous births!! I decided I did not want an elective section and wanted to labour at home for as long as I could and go to hospital for the final stage and have a natural birth. I went into labour at home through the night, I stayed really calm this time and just tried to focus on the fact that my labour was just the beginning of my journey to meeting my daughter and the calmer I stayed the sooner I would see her. When the time come I went to hospital I arrived there at 6.15am already 9cm dilated and gave birth at 6.58am. I just had a little gas and air and had a very easy labour and the natural birth I always wanted I really couldn't believe it. Although I'm not sure if I want anymore children if I did have anymore I would definately go natural again. If you are feeling extremely anxious then a little visit to the doctor for advice may not do you any harm, but definately see if you can get your hands on a hypnobirthing book to read. I hope this helps and everything goes well for you x

LilacPixie

Sorry I have no idea what advice to offer. I have had two DD's once a natural spontaneous labour and the second and induction. Like you my body launches full tilt into labour and mega CX rather than a nice gentle run in.

Pain control we differ, i like G&A. In the run up to the first birth many women told me G&A was not effective and they had been told the same and when they then experienced labour they realised it was true G&A was poo. I opted t ignore that (stubborn mule i am) and persevere and breathed thru the G&A piece every contraction and it worked. That was all I had. I think with G&A you have to 'let go' for it to work so maybe anxiety has always been present during your births.

I have MS and get numb limbs alot, I am terrified of an epidural and never regaining feeling so i really do get where you are coming from with that.

I think that no matter how many babies you have there is always the 'OMFG I have to give birth' realisation. I am trying to delay mines by focusing on when baby is here maybe avoidance would work for you, don't think about it and go with the flow type thing. Also get it put in your notes you have had 3 post term births, you know and understand the risks, regular monitoring is fine but you know your body and baby and scare stories will not be tolerated under any circumstances.

Jo_R_2

Thankyou ladies.

I think I will use the hypnobirthing again, if only for the breathing and coping techniques, can't do any harm!

Part of my trouble is no matter how relaxed I can (!) be during pregnancy about labouring, as soon as it starts I am constantly fighting the urge to panic and lose control and making myself go with it. Maybe if somehow I can lose that instinct to panic things might be easier, but at the mo any little twinge is an immediate "oh my god oh my god" panic rather than "amazing, it's happening at last" feeling which I really want. I do remember having this when I went into labour with DS - I woke up about 7.30am that day with contractions which were painful but manageable and I remember how excited I was that I had actually gone into labour three weeks over, naturally, avoiding induction, and the prospect of labouring at home.

Alas the community midwives would have been happy for me to have my HB but preferred (given there were worries about there not being much fluid around DS) for me to go into hospital. I didn't want to labour at home with MWs who would rather me be in hospital so I reluctantly and rather sadly went in and had DS later that day.

I see my MW this week so will have a chat with her and see what she says.

pigpen

I do understand your worries and your panic.. I hate an inate dislike of all people 'medical' I've had some truly horrible experiences and some lovely ones..

I agree for gas and air to work well you need to believe it will.. I found it was brilliant every time I used it.. though with the induced baby it was less effective than the natural labours. I did full tilt labour as well which wasn't good.. though it meant I didn't have any of the 'is it isn't it' panic and it certainly wasn't considered a false alarm! and I had loooong long labours!

I think maybe this is just a last minute wobble and you WILL be fine on the day and all will go smoothly and you will have your homebirth.

Believe me I had days where I thought having mine was a bad idea, the biggest mistake I had ever made in my life, that she would die, or I would.. it is all perfectly normal.. Speak to your MW, get some reassurance that is their job!

((((hugs))))

Jo_R_2

I woke up this morning a little sleep-deprived but feeling a lot more positive.

I had a good chat with OH last night, I know I have been freaking him out - he's good at handling me and my funny moods (bless him:D) but I know he's been feeling a little helpless as to what he can do to help. A good old chat has really helped - he was ever so good, asked me exactly what I was worried about, I told him every little thing, deciding to put aside any feelings of shame/embarrassment and just say things out loud.

I also explained after some thinking that I realise I need to face up to this. I think the avoidance tactic I have been employing is going to do more harm than good tbh - the fact I haven't even done a birth plan when I studiously compiled ones for my other three speaks volumes I think.

pigpen - that fear of medicalised 'stuff' - I'm midwife-led care but even stepping into the hospital for scans etc, it's like a switch flicks and my adrenaline starts!

My 'plan' to calm my head down involves a nice chat with my MW this week when I see her, I am buying a hypnobirthing CD like I used last time, OH giving me lots of back and shoulder rubs (not in a pervy way LOL - they do seem to help me relax and sleep better) and working out a birth plan to cover various eventualities such as if this baby is rather late and what might happen as a result. I do need to finalise plans for where DDs and DS will be when I am labouring just so I know for sure what the plan is when things happen.

I have been considering forms of pain relief I haven't used before and a water birth either at home or using the birthing pool in hospital if it comes to that.

Also some silly indulgent things like a baby shower which I have been planning and getting round to buying some last-minute bits we need for baby. We are also going on holiday next week so I plan to use this as the ultimate relaxation before baby.

I do find I feel better about things when I am busy - my mind dwelling is not good for me so keeping myself occupied after sorting out baby plans will also really help I think.

It's also really good to hear how other people have felt. I do have calm moments but I can get myself worked up into a right tizz so it's interesting to see how other people think and have handled their worries.

mrcow

Listen - you are going to be fine.

It's all going to be fine. Panicing is completely natural, but it's also important to remember that no two births are the same. My last one was earlier than the other two by far - I even managed to get my head round the whole gas and air thing which was great (didn't help at all with the others!).

Practice your breathing now. Deep breath in and then release, counting up with each exhale. If you start panicing, then do some breathing. When you're having contractions, try this method, with the early contractions, you'll only get to about 3 or 4 and they will be over - with the later ones, you'll only get to 7ish. And just think - you can do anything for a count of 7!

As soon as you panic, you start to lose it and let go of the control. Don't worry if you do, just start the breathing again and get the control back.

I know it's annoying when people say it's just natural, but it is. You're going to be fine and so is your lovely baby.

For what it's worth, I had a bad experience first and second time round and by the third I was climbing the walls beforehand. I remember being in labour and shouting to my Mum that I was rubbish at birthing - her words were "No you're not, you're just the same as everyone else" - and it is true.

Mind you - she had four and I think by the fourth he just popped out when she coughed (joke!)

Kelinik

I understand the anxiety/panic only too well, this site has been a huge help

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/articles/panicattack/

I think the hypnobirthing cd sounds like a great idea, anything that relaxes you really.

Jo_R_2

Aw mrcow that's a nice post:)

The breathing thing is important, I remember OH thinking I was sailing through having DS because I was concentrating on my breathing so much - apparently it was a revelation to him that it was the 'worst pain I had ever felt in my entire life' LOL!

Thing is once I had my waters broken with DD2 and DS it was only two hours before they were born so I keep telling myself if it happens like that it's 'just' two hours - funny how you can dread 'just' two hours so much at times *thoughtful*

I made it OH's job to help me focus last time when I felt I was losing control of my breathing so will do that again.