Pozalina's SOA

pozalina

i want to delete this thread

Dolly_Smith

well the issue here if you want my honest opinion is that you're paying for his lifestyle! His three hundred is barely half the mortgage and you pay for everything else! I previously had to do this whilst my OH was training and he absolutely hated the fact that I was paying for everything. Does your OH not mind this?

Unless he can't work due to health reasons he should get off his backside and contribute - I'd rather have three jobs than live off someone else and I'm a girl!

I'm sorry to sound so grumpy but you earn a good salary, have little debt, and should be allowed (and able) to buy a few things for yourself if you want!

CLAPTON

what are your aspirations for the future... and is he part of them?

Ebany

Well, adding up the basics (mortgage, utilities and food) and dividing by 2 gives about £600, which, if you're fed up with subsidising his low working hours, would seem a reasonable minimum to expect from him. As for how to get him to get off his !!!!!! and do enough work to give you that much...thats a harder one. (I've been trying the same with mine, and have got nowhere)

Are there ways you can make it less pleasant for him to be at home? Tell him you cant have any heating or hot water all day as you have to cut right back cause you cant afford the bills? Its very hard to get someone with no interest in working to do so when they are still living comfortably without - even if that is because they are being bankrolled by someone else.

You have a good salary, you are overpaying your mortgage and putting away a good bit of savings each month, so you are doing fine. Your DH seems to be being a bit of a liability, so how harsh and far are you willing to go to get him to change his lazy ways? At the worst extent, if he won't do more no matter how hard you ask, would you be willing to ditch him? I know its not a nice thing to consider, but if he wont change it may become a choice of that or put up with paying for him for a very long time.

I really hope some others can come up with tips for getting a lazy guy to work (I need them too) but in the meantime, have some HUGS and know that you are doing well, he is just slowing down you doing even better!

pozalina

Thanks for your replies. Don't apologise for being grumpy, Dolly, cos it's what I need to hear. When I try and talk to him about money he goes in a bad mood and says I'm obsessed with it. I know I could cut back more e.g. stop mortgage overpayments, stop ISA savings but at the mo I refuse to do so cos he could be doing more to help.

We have actually been trying for a baby but now I'm wondering if it's such a good idea while he's only working PT. He does say that he does housework while I'm at work (true) and is currently decorating our house (true) but that shouldn't be a reason not to work more hours.

Yes I've told him all this but really I think he switches off the minute he hears the word 'job' mentioned. I'm hoping that folks on here will give me resolve to feel justified in confronting him more.

My aspirations for the future... well, I'm in the job I always wanted, I have a house I've always wanted, I'm married to a man I love... next for me would babies (I'm 32...). I would also like to be able to afford a holiday, and to buy clothes before they wear out, and to have saved enough money to go on maternity leave... None of this is currently possible.

Ebany, it helps to hear someone else is in a similar position with a lazy OH. I wish I knew how to motivate him. The job he has now is one I found online and applied for on his behalf. Yes, he did go to the interview himself!




Cheers.

lil'H

Sorry but tell your oh to stop making excuses and work more, I work more hours than him, raise a child as a single parent, do all the housework, cooking etc, also redecorated my house in august! Just thought that would give you something to bargain with!!! Your finances show no obvious savings you are managing well, and really OH is the only issue here from what i can see.

Lil'H

Ebany

If you ae trying for a baby have you pointed out to him that you would be having maternity leave, and the effect that will have on your income? With the heavy reliance you have on your income at the moment, dropping down to statutory maternity pay would be a big hit, unless you only plan to stay at home with your baby for the first 6 weeks? (of course, this depends what maternity pay arrangements your employer has). If he works that little, is he prepared to spend the time he isnt working being a stay-at-home Dad? Would you be happy with this arrangement, or would you prefer to be the one at home?

If he is fully on board with the baby idea, these will be things he (and you) should consider - you wont be able to subsidise him as easily when you are 9 months pregnant!

pozalina

Ebany wrote:

If you ae trying for a baby have you pointed out to him that you would be having maternity leave, and the effect that will have on your income? Is he prepared to spend the time he isnt working being a stay-at-home Dad? Would you be happy with this arrangement, or would you prefer to be the one at home?QUOTE]

Good questions, yes i've mentioned them all to him. He does say he'll get a job but the actions don't back it up! I've worked out I need to save £8k if I want to have off a reasonable amount of mat leave, and so far I've got £2k, and am due a tax rebate of £5k at sone point. But this doesn't solve the prob of me wanting to work PT after baby. He WILL have to get a job then, we won't survive otherwise. I'll totally resent him if I have to work FT cos he's on his !!!!!!.

lynzpower

you are saving 300 a month too, whats this for, is it towards mat leave? Only i notice your car bills etc are saved seperately

Does he have depression or anything why he doesnt choose to work more??

pozalina

Lynz,

The £300 - I guess you're referring to is my ISA and Emergency savings? The £100 ISA is long term/pension savings, the £200 is me trying to build up 3 months salary, for emergency household repairs etc.

No, he's not depressed. He's always been work-shy. He's worked on and off as a decorator, but has never actively sought work, he waits til it knocks on the door. He just doesn't have the work ethic that most of us have. Yes, I knew he was like that when I married him, but he had just got his latest job then, and it looked hopeful that he'd get another.

bikerqueen

i have a 6 week old baby - it will be so difficult for you if you have kids with a man who wont share the work.