Splitting up with husband - what can I do

monkeychops

I do not want to go into detail but I have decided I have to leave my OH. I still love him and we have been married for 35 years but something has happened and I just cannot stay.

I haven't said anything to him yet because I know he will breakdown and beg me to stay and I just can't. I am terrified of living on my own after all this time and feel like my heart is breaking.

We have no children and live in rented accommodation. I cannot afford the house on my own and want to get a small flat to rent but have no money as such. I only work 28 hours a week and bring home about £650. I know rent on even a bedsit where I am will be about £450 a month so I just don't see how I will manage. I have no-one I can stay with.

Would I be entitled to any sort of help and if so what and from whom?

I won't be paid again until mid September and by then I may manage to get a month's deposit together. We are in desperate financial trouble so it won't be easy getting any money together. That is not the reason I want to leave by the way.

My head is spinning and I just don't know where to turn. I have no friends and my parents are very elderly and can't help in any way. Also I do not want to upset them.

ALIBOBSY

On a low income you would likely qualify for working tax credits and maybe council tax benefit and some husing benefit.
There is a website where you can work out what you would be entitled to, but I can't just remember the name. I am sure someone will be along with the details for you.
You could also consider getting advice from the CAB.
Obviously I don't know why you wish to leave and it may well be something unforgivable to you, but I know I amd my OH had a difficult couple of years with stress at work and other issues I won't go into I seriously considered leaving. I had 3 children with a baby on the way so I looked into what we would be entitled to and to childcare costs for me to start working again. I literally was prepared to walk out the door, but we talked things through and worked out the issues.
Now almost a year later things are so much better and we have a beautiful 3 month old. Our realationship is stronger than ever.

I am sure you have had bad times before during your marriage, but is it worth trying counciling or just talking to your OH and trying to work things out at all?

Obviously you know your own heart best and if things are really over then you need to move on for your own peace of mind.

Good luck whatever happens, be strong

ali x

sueeve

Are you sure that you will be happier away from him and with such a low income? In the short term that may well be true, but the future is not very tempting as you describe it. How recent is the thing that has brought you to this state? If a long time O.K. but don't do anything in a rush. Things do get better even after the most awful things. The thing dosn't go away, but it will dull and soften if you let it. Have you someone who you can speak to openly? I recommend the Samaritans. They are not just for people who are suicidal, although some think that is the case. They will not judge, but they will listen objectively, without a biased agenda.

msb5262

Hi OP,
Sorry you're feeling like this. I hope you can find a way to move out and perhaps change the situation which is making you so unhappy.

ALIBOBSY wrote: »

There is a website where you can work out what you would be entitled to, but I can't just remember the name.

It's called entitled to - if you put this into a search engine, you'll find it easily.
Best wishes
MsB

tanith

Sorry to hear you are going through such trauma, as someone else said maybe a little time will help you come to terms with what has happened and take your time to make any life changing decisions.. alternatively could you not stay with your parents on a temporary basis until your head is in a better place and you can sort out any help you might qualify for? Please keep posting as there have been posts by people in your position before that I have followed and everyone has said how much this site has helped them get through tough times....

RAS

Hi

www.entitledto.co.uk for benefits help.

If you are in financial difficulties already, how much is yours, his and how much joint?

There are some career options that might enable you to move into accomodation which is tied to the job. How much do you want to stay in your current employment?

debtfreenewbie

Hi, it is obviously a hard decision for you. There are options and there are benefits to help you pay rent etc. You really do need some support, is there anyone at work you can talk to?
Be careful if you dont want him to know as you will need to make calls and get forms to fillin.Is there no way you could stay with your parents,even if they think you are having a break?When I left my ex

debtfreenewbie

Sorry: I needed my parents and friends although I was young and had a baby.
I wish you all the best.Take care...

jakem_2

monkeychops wrote: »

I do not want to go into detail but I have decided I have to leave my OH. I still love him and we have been married for 35 years but something has happened and I just cannot stay.

I haven't said anything to him yet because I know he will breakdown and beg me to stay and I just can't. I am terrified of living on my own after all this time and feel like my heart is breaking.

We have no children and live in rented accommodation. I cannot afford the house on my own and want to get a small flat to rent but have no money as such. I only work 28 hours a week and bring home about £650. I know rent on even a bedsit where I am will be about £450 a month so I just don't see how I will manage. I have no-one I can stay with.

Would I be entitled to any sort of help and if so what and from whom?

I won't be paid again until mid September and by then I may manage to get a month's deposit together. We are in desperate financial trouble so it won't be easy getting any money together. That is not the reason I want to leave by the way.

My head is spinning and I just don't know where to turn. I have no friends and my parents are very elderly and can't help in any way. Also I do not want to upset them.

I cant offer you any advice, but want to send you {{{{ hugs}}}}, I am in your age bracket, and it is hard, I have family, a daughter who is quite solvent, but I would never let her know how desperate I was, I have split up with my husband, and the future does look bleak for me, but it was my choice, but with a few nudges by him.
Suffice to say, I am in Sh*t, but I will manage, and so will you, you need to go to the CAB and find out your options, and hopefully they will steer you in the right direction.

The main thing at the moment is you, you have no one, so please PM me, and I will try and help and give you support, as it is hard for us ladies of a certain age.

Please, PM me if you need a shoulder, as I have been there, and its not easy, but you are not alone, there is other like you and me, and specially on here, all we want to do is help.:)

Newly_retired

Definitely get information from CAB about what you may be entitled to and help with debts if appropriate. Good advice about working Tax Credit and possibly tied accommodation. I did this for a few months many years ago, between marriages.

Oldernotwiser

You cannot claim tax credits unless you work a minimum of 30 hours-can you not get a couple of extra hours work from somewhere?

When will you be 60?