Am I being a little harsh?

Velcro_Hotdog

I have a son who is 4 1/2, I pick him uo at 3pm on Friday afternoon and he goes back to his mums on Monday morning on my way to work. Its been like this since he was 4 weeks old and until recently he has always loved coming to stay with me and doing farther son stuff.

Since the nursery class he was in finished for the summer hoildays he no longer gets excited about coming to my house and kicks up a bit of a fuss. After talking to him and his mum it comes down to the fact I have changed his routine due to the report he got from his teachers.

The report was fantastic in every way bar one little point which was that he did not like writting and drawing and was a little behind. So since then I have cut his play time down by 1 hour each day to make sure he does a little bit of writting and drawing. Simple stuff like drawing his favourite animals and trains and getting him to write his name and the names of the animals and trains we draws.

Is this a little harsh pushing him to improve these skills for 1 hour each day or should i just live with the fact that although he may not like it, its for his benefit and carry on?

I hate being the bad guy but if I don't do it I can't rely on his mum to pick up where I left off. So do you think Im being harsh?

balletshoes

Personally, I think one hour is pushing it - he's only 4, he won't have the attention span needed for a whole hour of drawing and writing (its rare for even high-school age kids to have a lesson thats more than one hour long in one subject).
I think its admirable that you want to help your son, but I'd say no more than 15-20 minutes, and maybe look up what the curriculum is focusing on for his age, so you can work alongside that and not end up confusing him.

RLH33

I must admit that I think you are being a bit harsh, especially if he isn't actually at school yet. I understand that it is simple stuff but 1 hour a day is a heck of a lot for a 4 year old and he obviously isn't enjoying it. He will have plenty of time to learn all this at school so if it is causing problems I would just leave it.

My ds would never write anything, couldn't write his name before he went to school and would never do drawings at home or at pre-school. He is now going into year 1 and spends hours at home drawing things, using up all our paper!, and it is amazing how he has changed. His writing is still not brilliant and he won't write a birthday card unless he is bribed:D but his school has never said that he is behind or anything, and it is an outstanding school. I would just relax a bit and follow his lead, if he doesn't want to do it then don't make him.

balletshoes

OP this recent thread will help you with the kind of thing your son could be helped with at his age -
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2642965

McKneff

An hour to a 4 year old is like 6 hours to us.
how would you like being forced to do something you didnt particularly like to do.

2 x 15 minutes would be ample, but as a parent, i do understand your concerns.

lighten up a little, take him out to do the fun part of it, see a bus, what colour it is, how do you spell bus.
He's still a baby for goodness sake, play leaning is the best way to go.

easilydistracted

Hmm I'm afraid I'm another one thinking its a bit much. An hour is a really long time for a four year old to concentrate on an activity your not keen on. I think your son having a good relationship with you is much more important at his age than his writing. His Mum has raised it in what sounds like a nice way and its great that you are on reasonable terms and I imagine want to stay that way. You don't want to make these things such a chore that he hates writing and drawing at school and it becomes a bigger issue. There was really good thread recently about activities you can do with your child to develop these type of skills. Here's the link: https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2642965 Good luck and be happy that he's doing so well!

Velcro_Hotdog

Thanks for your input, I think I knew it was to much but at the same time wanted to push him so he isn't behind the other kids at school. I suppose its a lot to ask a kid who's only interest in life are trains and scary dinosaurs!

So do we think keeping the rewards going for doing the work but only doing 15-20 mins a day is a good idea? He only does this with me Fri, Sat and Sunday.

Keeping_Positive

I loike the fact that you care enough to try but my DD2 wasnt ready for school really until she was 5 1/2. We sent her obviously but she wasnt interested in learning as such. She was behind and I was concerned but now at the age of 10 she is on target with her peers so Id leave it for a bit.

Also TBH I think some nusery/reception staff expect too much from the little ones.

Errata

Why not make a game of it ? Which one of you can draw the biggest/most colourful/most different dinosaur and the longest train ?
A 15 minute session should be long enough for dad to have to concentrate and make sure he doesn't win every time.

January20

If he doesn't like writing, you risk making him dislike it even more because you force him to do it.
He is only 4 1/2. At that age they are still babies, I don't care what anybody says!, and they change all the time. I have a part-time job in a primary school and I am always amazed at how quickly children mature - sometimes over a matter of 2 or 3 weeks - and then are able to achieve things they couldn't before. It's good you care so much but you shouldn't worry. He doesn't see you everyday. He should enjoy the time he spends with you.

Velcro_Hotdog

Errata wrote: »

Why not make a game of it ? Which one of you can draw the biggest/most colourful/most different dinosaur and the longest train ?
A 15 minute session should be long enough for dad to have to concentrate and make sure he doesn't win every time.

Haha

I always try to make it as fun as possible and I get stuck in myself, in fact i can now draw a mean T Rex :rotfl:

I also make sure he is rewarded with an activity I know he likes for completing some writting or drawing. I take him to the garden centre to ride on the mini railway or walk down to the local farm to feed the babie pigs and goats and so on.

Again thank you very much for your input folks