How do you get someone elses head out of the sand

Numpty_2

Well I had my lightbulb moment all of 2minutes ok (OK Friday afternoon, but close enough), which means realistically I will be debt free within two years!

However, my OH has lots of debts and if he looked at them closely could probably do the same. But everytime I mention it I get a "good for you" reply. We have a mortgage together and I pay off one of his credit cards, yet his debt has nothing to do with me.

Am I just going to have to try and dig in with my debt cut down and ignore his debts and hope he is doing the right thing or is there another way of encouraging him?

nearlyrich

Hopefully your good example will encourage him to try to do the same, well done on your LB moment and welcome to the board.

Mrs_Sparkle

Welcome to the board! If you don't mind me asking, why are you paying off one of his credit cards? Perhaps this is making it easier for him to keep his head in the sand and it would be cruel yet kind to force him to realise the true extent of his debt?

Numpty_2

Mrs_Sparkle wrote:

Welcome to the board! If you don't mind me asking, why are you paying off one of his credit cards? Perhaps this is making it easier for him to keep his head in the sand and it would be cruel yet kind to force him to realise the true extent of his debt?

Someone asked me this yesterday, and I cant remember - But what I'm paying off that is the extra he pays towards the mortgage IYSWIM

GingerSte

Numpty wrote:

is there another way of encouraging him?

Yes. It's just a question of voltage.

Seriously though. You need to get him to accept it, or he'll drag you down with him. Now you've got a mortgage together (and I assume both your names are on it), you're joined at the hip financially. The credit scoring agencies will connect you aswell, so if he defaults, it will show up on your record.

I do seem to be the bearer of a lot of bad news today.

Numpty_2

GingerSte wrote:

Yes. It's just a question of voltage.

Seriously though. You need to get him to accept it, or he'll drag you down with him. Now you've got a mortgage together (and I assume both your names are on it), you're joined at the hip financially. The credit scoring agencies will connect you aswell, so if he defaults, it will show up on your record.

I do seem to be the bearer of a lot of bad news today.

Hi - don't worry. I know he's not going to default - he's fairly on top of paying things, so you havent given me bad news, I just want to encourage him to speed up the repayments, rather than just mingle along with the minimums and put more on the credit cards etc.

Mrs_Sparkle

Numpty wrote:

Someone asked me this yesterday, and I cant remember - But what I'm paying off that is the extra he pays towards the mortgage IYSWIM

Ah, I understand. You could show him this board so he can see that it's something to be dealt with not ignored. It's hard though- you can't really force someone to have a lightbulb moment, it seems to come sooner to some than to others.

GingerSte

Sorry I may have got the wrong end of the stick a bit there. By all means show him this board, and he'll be able to see how much debt some of us have got into:eek: . You never know it might have the desired effect. I would also recommend the old style board, as its incredibly useful for saving money on things like food shopping.

nrsql

Numpty wrote:

Hi - don't worry. I know he's not going to default - he's fairly on top of paying things, so you havent given me bad news, I just want to encourage him to speed up the repayments, rather than just mingle along with the minimums and put more on the credit cards etc.

Doesn't sound like someone who's on top of things.
Add the odd holiday, car breakdown, night out .... and soon the minumums will be all he can pay and the next extraordinary payment means the debts start escalating.

Get him to look at how much interest he will pay and how long it will take by paying the minimum. If he is still using the cards they will never be paid and if he spends more than the minimum payment - interest each month it will inevitably spiral out of control.

msmicawber

Hi Numpty,

I think you may just have to be a bit more patient with this as it may take a couple of months of the new MSE you before he begins to see the benefits and become interested (or even envious!). He might feel that you're nagging, and if he's stubborn and needs to think that something is his own idea, then you may not be giving him the time and space to decide this for himself.

Is there anything that you have plans for as a couple that you could use as a spur? I mean, do you sometimes talk about a holiday to Australia, or buying a new car or some large financial future plan? If so, next time it comes up naturally in conversation you could just quietly point out that this will have to be put on hold indefinitely if both your debts aren't cleared - ? This could be considered manipulative, I suppose, but that doesn't stop it being true!

Best of luck and keep up the good work yourself and hopefully he'll follow suit in his own time.