Time flying, children changing, want to stop and take stock.

[Deleted User]

For some reason I seem to spend most of my time thinking about the next stage of my life, i.e. pre kids, I wanted them, they came along, babies etc, wished it would get easier, now i'm desperately wanting them to stay as they are and not get to primary school, grow up. I want to keep them as my little preschoolers.

Yet i often find the days hard with them both and the regret the things i don't do with them, but once they are in bed I don't want them to change.

Its me that has to change and enjoy the here and now, not the past or future.

How do i do that? I've never been able to so far at any stage in my life. I find myself thinking when we have more money, when the kids are older, when i'm working more and not appreciating life now. I already look back and wonder where time has gone, what's it going to be like in 20 years time.

Now i'm starting to do my head in.

M_A_R_I_E

I find myself doing this too.

No advice really. Just didn't want to read and run.

It's nice to stop once in a while and think 'yes, i'm actually happy with life!'.

lindseykim13

Oh believe me i feel the same too! I have 3 little darlings/horrors sometimes and once it gets to the evening i'm looking forward to them going to bed! I do feel bad as i should enjoy them more.

I can't really offer advice as i need it myself i think too much other carp gets in the way of whats important to us. At the moment all my time has been taken up with decluttering all the bedrooms i've been at it for 3 weeks now! I say to myself once it's done we'll be able to enjoy the summer and go out some more places. But looking at the calender now it seems the summer is flying by and we've done nothing.

I really do think I need to put more effort in, just a quick trip to the park can make you feel better about spending time with them. Or just sitting down to play a quick board game. It all adds up to spending 'fun' time together rather that being in the same room but not doing anything if that makes sense?

I spend alot of time with my kids beacuse we homeschool but it's not always valuable fun time where i can just enjoy them. I find leaving the house for an hour is the easiest thing to do as there's too many distractions at home. Simple things like a walk, picnic etc make me smile at the end of the day and i feel like the day has been worth while. If we have a lazy day and do 'nothing' then i feel i've wasted it. That said the odd lazy day does no harm.

I think i'm rambling on now but i know exactly what you mean, something else always comes up in the way of what you want to do. We just have to learn to put the 'other' things to one side and enjoy NOW. We can do the other things when the kids have left home!

hitatotatus

Quote - Its me that has to change and enjoy the here and now, not the past or future.

You already know what you have to do.
It took a huge change in my circumstances to realise what I have in my kids. You are right, it is up to you to change and you can do it as you are already half-way there in realising that there is more to life.
I used to want everything to be perfect and was waiting for my life to begin when everything was in order - but, LIFE IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ARE MAKING OTHER PLANS - don't forget this.

Nowadays, I don't have to have my phone with me, I don't wear a watch and I keep track of time only when vitally important. I play games with the kids, talk to them (instead of just issuing orders and complaints) laugh with them, and this means I sometimes leave the washing up till the next day!! :eek:
We go everywhere by bike, not having a car can liberate you as you are not obliged to be driving about everywhere - I chose to live where everything vital is accessible by walking or bike. Sometimes lowering your expectations can keep you sane. Its not what happens to you that matters, it is how you deal with it. I live in the here and now and feel so much more peace and harmony.
Try changing day-by-day, little-by-little and enjoy your children while they are still around, and be the type of mum they will hopefully want to turn to and return to when they are older in order to remember the good times.

beckseven

I'm the same as you and I think having preschoolers is lovely but tough! I went to a talk on behaviour at my son's pre school and they gave us a poem which I put on my fridge just to remind me of what really matters when they are driving me up the wall littering their toys, writing on the table and pestering me for icecream!

If I had my child to raise all over again
I'd finger paint more-and point the finger less
I would do less correcting and more connecting
I'd take my eyes off my watch and watch with my eyes
I would care to know less and know to care more
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites
I'd stop playing serious and seriously play
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars
I'd do more hugging and less tugging
I would be firm less often and affirm much more
I'd build self esteem first and the house later
I'd teach less about the love of power and more about the power of love

It made everyone cry at the talk but was hard pressed to remember it today when we had meltdown at bath time tonight!

Lara44

I have a similar problem OP, I'm always wishing on the next stage of my life. I don't have any little ones quite yet though! I have just been trying to make life a bit more 'slow' and letting go of control a bit. Trying to find enjoyment in everything I do, even those things I don't like. Trying to see the positives, letting up control. So what if I don't make time to go to the supermarket and get exactly everything we need for dinner? We will just have to do something else! I am not sure it has been working, but when I started working from home I was quite frustrated and now I am a bit happier.

I love that poem beckseven!

Gingham_Ribbon

You love them as they are, it's hard and you're knackered. You have the usual mother guilt, that seems to happen regardless of what we do/don't do with our kids.

All sounds pretty normal to me!

All I can say is that life doesn't change that much when they go to school and what does change is that you'll get time to yourself. In my opinion, getting a bit of voluntary work done and working on getting employment that I was going to enjoy when they were both at school is what's worked for me.

They're only tiny. You have a lot of years of them being little still to come!

gratefulforhelp_2

bailey you have described the human condition perfectly!

My only helpful suggestion (maybe!) is advice I was given about my wedding day by a wise (ish) man.

To take mental snapshots throughout the day, sort of freeze-frame the scene. And listen to Dean Martin singing "memories are made of this"!!