owning up ..help

kjh_gemini

Have a look on confused.com for your car insurance (there is a link on this site to it, on the page about insurance). I saved nearly £80 :eek: on my renewal quote, when I already thought my renewal quote was reasonable.

HTH

msmicawber

Hi there,

Well done for posting - it's very difficult to gather up the courage, but once you've got your SOA and budget clear and a plan of action in place, you'll feel lighter and calmer.

From the partial SOA that you've posted, I calculate that you have £1460.73 left per month to cover the CC payments and all household expenses. As well as food, petrol, clothes, etc. that others have mentioned, I notice that you haven't mentioned childcare costs - do you not use any childcare?

I know it feels terrifying to keep adding to the monthly budget list, but it will help when you speak to CCCS or Payplan to have a full SOA already worked out, so they can advise you what you can realistically pay and what your best next move is.

You're doing well, and once you've posted some more information, people will be able to make more suggestions to help you.

Best wishes.

kathfisch

Just a quick note to say - register with quidco.com if you haven't already and go through them to switch utilities, get new insurances etc. They offer quite substantial cashback which will come in very handy! There's a thread here with some very knowledgeable people. There have also been a few dfw discussions about it - try a search. Also, try insuresupermarket.com for insurance quotes but then see if you can go through quidco to get the cashback - it can be up to £100 for an insurance policy!!

Well done for posting and owning up to the situation - onwards and upwards from here, not so?! :T

bestthingsinlife

to all of you who have taken time to give me advice. You are correct my SOA was rubbish. I missed off childcare of £80 for after school clubs etc etc. Still in denial. Kids are already on packed lunches, I couldn't afford the dinner fees of £32 per week, for one reason, the school don't accept credit cards, thats why I am behind paying their milk money. I really struggle if I can't pay something on credit and normally think well if this goes out of the account what can I pay on credit this week ie the weekly food shop on credit , so the car park out of the account (cash). I do need to do a proper SOA, but I really will need a bottle of wine to face that one !!!

moxie_2

It is scary when you sit down and work it all out (I should know!), but once you've done it and worked out a plan of action (I've got a debt management plan with Payplan) it is such a relief and you will feel like a huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders.

angchris

£80 is alot of money each month to be paying out just to park your car, is there anyway you could take it in turns to drive or maybe park up in a residential street near to work and walk the rest or is there a park and ride where you could park and catch the bus in for the remainder of the journey? it might add 5 mins on to your travel time but for £80 a month it would be worth it. i know when my lad was at an aftershcool club it was always a mad dash to get back for him at 6, do you know of anyone another parent for example that might help out picking them up from school/club that might ease your situation a little? you might be able to cut out the parking and the afterschool club fees in 1 swoop for 4 kids i would imagine thats quite a financial hit each month, im not sure how much you are paying in childcare but maybe putting an ad up locally for a mothers help maybe much cheaper plus for the few hours they are at your house each day you might get the washing up/ironing done/kids fed before you get home:j

the_prophet

dear besthingsinlife, my admiration to you for being brave....however can I point out one thing and apologies if this comes over anyway but caring. You seem to be taking the responsibility of sorting this out yourself. You are obviously a strong women but we can only do so much. From my own experience, our debts did not get sorted out until my husband got on board and started taking some responsbility (he is portugese and doesn't do figures). The denial of this sort of led me into dealing with everything because it was less hassle, but then it was taken as a 'given' that I would shoulder the burden. The way we started was to set aside an hour one evening a week to talk about our situation. This would include the 'filing' of all the mail that arrived for that week (I usually just opend it all and dealt with it) and it actually empowered him to put the bills where they needed to go and take stock of the situation. We also made sure that we could talk without any accusations about the situation we were in but positively about solutions. Every time we achieved something, even as little as saving a pound, we congratulated each other. My heart absolutely goes out to you with four children to provide for as I only have one child. However I have found that in the last two years our main goal is to make every £ we earn buy more. We do this by buying everything second hand, usually from ebay so we never pay VAT on goods and we always sell things we don't need. Often when there is something we need we find something to sell first. We do free days out when ever we can and a picnic, a bike ride and football/cricket is free fun. Since surfing on this site I have learned how to accumulate my tesco club card points so freeby days out abound. I am even in the process of switching my mortgage to save £20 per month as I figure I would rather have £240 in my pocket each year then in theirs. I have been absolutely obsessed with my finances and for me its like a woodpecker hammerring at the centre of my forehead the stress was so awful. It sounds as if this is going to be a real family effort to get sorted and perhaps to be (a little) honest with the kids to explain that changes needed to happen would also be a way forward.

You are amazing so don't forget your needs. Perhaps everyone could write a comfort list of what would get them through the tough times (free of course!!!) mine include, tea and home made cakes, the smell of lavender, music, walking in leaves, screaming at the top of my voice, blah blah blah.

every minute on this site is worth it, its one of the few places you find real people!

xxx

pineapple_beach

Hi there

My heart goes out to you as debt is a scary place. Like you, my own debt became something that featured me worrying every day, and eventually buying everyting on credit. I also have a job that earns good money, and I felt I worked hard so I should be abale to have/do what i wanted, which got me into bother.:o

Budget is the most important thing - keep a spending diary to see where you spend money - amazing to see where it all goes to. Get the kids to help with this - they are old enough to get involved as a family and mine like a project. I think whwen you see where the money goes, then you can make choices over what is most important to you... ie. would you rather the kids had milk each day at school ( do they drink it as when I stopped mine I found out they were only drinking a small bit each day anyway!), or eg. a posh ice cream at home (box of cornettos at weekly shop?!) Substitute with your kids fave.

Household budgetting is v.useful for chopping punds off the bills, eg 0% c/cards etc and cheaper insce.

The other main thing I did was to do all i could to earn extra money. I note you are working full time already. I regularly sell all I can on ebay/amazon, or go to a boot fair. I joined Quidco as already mentioned to get cashback on stuff I was mostly doing anyway. Take up any 'open a bank account and get a cash bonus' etc. I have used this extra money as treat money occasionally but mostly to overpay debt - see the snowball calculator - when you see how the balance can come down it is a tad addictive!;)

I think the wising up to the extent of the problem is prob the worst bit, then every little decision you (and your OH) can make to change the situation will start to give you your confidence, your sleep and your self esteem back. It has for me.:grouphug:

p_b

msmicawber

Hi again,

Why not look at this budget calculator on the site when you're re-doing your SOA so you don't miss things off - I found it very useful. It's in Excel, so automatically recalcualtes when you change entries.

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/cgi-bin/viewnews.cgi?newsid1089226742,17582,#planner

bestthingsinlife

Just to let you know I have been in touch will payplan and am speaking to them again on Thursday, they were so lovely I could cry. I have worked out my min cc payments to be £1200 a month which leaves about £200 for food for 6 people, petrol etc. Now I know why I having been living on credit. I have joined Quidco (thanks for that) and cancelled the kids milk at school only for the kids to tell me after they never wanted it in the first place.
Even though my head has been banging all day this forum and your support is keeeping me sane x